Rants

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My father is a disgusting transphobe. Without mentioning anything to me first, he ambushed my partner to bully them and tell them to stop transitioning or they aren't welcome here anymore. With me being ill and mostly homebound, he's effectively trying to keep us apart.

My partner is a better person than both of us combined. Dad won't win this. I'll run off and risk my health/life whatever. This house is a hellhole anyways.

I hate human beings. I hate people. And I don't give a flying f**k if that's "not an attractive attitude" -- like I f*****g care?!?!? LMFAO. Oh honey I'm fifty-fucking six, I'm WAY beyond "is this attraaaactive??"

I'm sick of being misunderstood. I'm sick of being genuinely and with rightful cause, disappointed by someone acting completely sh***y to me out of the f*****g BLUE. I'm sick of being an actually NICE person -- seriously, there are people on here who think they know me as NOT that, but I am a f*****g nice person! And I still get treated like f*****g s**t.

So f**k it.

Probably some people are too stupid to be racist, or rather, too stupid to understand what the word even means

Capitalism literally makes me want to kill myself.

"That just sounds like slavery with extra steps" - Justin Roiland as Morty

What in the hell is up with all the sexual harassment in the media?

So and so did this and some random man in power did that. Like damn, I am not saying we shouldn't treat each other with respect but it doesn't compute. When does the line get crossed? I ask if I can kiss or touch someone and I am told, don't do that, it kills the moment. How else are you suppose to get consent? You go straight for the lulz and its sexual harassment five years later when you have massive amounts of money. If these people felt abused, why not report it then? Or better yet have documented stress it caused you. I lost my mind after a bad encounter when I was 20 and now frankly none of it matters to me since, Bi? Gay? S&M? Hell why not. Plus I get the whole, I was too stressed to report but that literally does not compute when some of these people are barely touched through clothing. I guess maybe I am just immune to all forms of sexuality now but why would that emotionally scar someone for decades? Particularly an adult who has been around a few times. Ironically just long enough for some of these offender to get successful. I have been touched though clothing and thought nothing of it after a few days.

Well I say I don't know where it ends but I know exactly where it ends. I am mortal and subject to the same mistakes as anyone else, its depressing. I am at a lost for words, remorse? Very much. Does it matter? Probably not. Should it matter? Amazingly enough, it probably shouldn't. Whats not a lie? I rarely see right and wrong until it is far far to late. Does that make me more or less human? I always manage to legitimately miss the problems of any given choice. I would say I fell from grace pretty hard, but I wouldn't have done anything if I thought it was wrong. How could I have missed this? Others are probably asking the same question and I really don't have an answer. Does that make me cold or does that signify my remorse? Does it matter? Has it ever mattered in the past? Amazingly enough, no

I am fallen and it f*****g sucks

And I never saw it coming... damn...

I don't know what to say,

This thread needs to be less serious,

I am giraffe!

Its great because my long neck means I can have an extra long bong!

WWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I am insane,

I lost it,

Maybe I had unwanted thoughts of getting a sex change to a giraffe and I was completely f*****g oblivious to it and became a giraffe! Then my homies were like s**t man your a f*****g giraffe and I was ah s**t. Was that testing the waters to see how much of a f*****g giraffe I can be? No because I was f*****g oblivious to it and now I have to be a motherfucking giraffe for life. That f*****g sucks but at least I won't be lonely and I have an extra long bong.

I play grand theft giraffe alright,

CJ was like s**t we got a motherf**king giraffe
Big smoke was like, open the sun roof, his neck is huge
Ryder was all like, those ballas busta gonna trip when we cap those f**kers with a giraffe
I went RPG on their ass
CJ was tippen when I shot up their hood
Giraffe for life motherf**ker

Thats how grove street gets down busta

lulz

Someone just decided to screw up someone else's birthday lunch and refused to go out, even though we had reservations made, because they had "stomach problems."
I thought this meant they were ill - maybe a stomach flu or something and had been throwing up, or gastric had glued their arse to the toilet - something that legitimately meant they had to screw over someone else's established birthday plans. But no - it turned out they just felt a bit constipated. So just because they couldn't take a sh!t today, instead of a nice meal at a nice restaurant, the person's birthday celebration ended up being some takeout and re-runs of an old TV show. It's so effing selfish I cannot even comprehend. I have been to outings just to keep other people happy right before my surgery, when I was in extreme pain and on so much morphine I was out of my mind, because it was important to that person and I didn't want to screw up their lives just because of my problems.
Then when I had the audacity to ask why that meant we had to cancel just because they had problems pooing, I got an earful and basically told to screw myself, and told "poop to you, then, you can just hate me like everyone else hates me because I'm so ill."
For starters, minor constipation does not equal "being ill"! Then I get this sanctimonious rant about how everyone hates this person because they're "so ill" when their entire problem is literally being filled with sh!t. Apparently I'm the bad guy for not being sympathetic and caring to them because of their all-important poo, instead of calling them on their proverbial sh!t for ruining someone else's birthday for no reason.
THEN a few hours later, when it suited THEM, they were suddenly and miraculously well enough to go out for coffee because that is what they wanted to do.
So they basically lied, ruined someone's plans on their birthday, abused me when I tried to call them on it, then unashamedly and transparently "recovered" when it suited them to do whatever they liked.
Selfish hypocritical bullshitters. I hate other people, sometimes.

It's the birthday of my oldest friend today. I spent almost %90 of my childhood with her and now i never see her anymore. I don't understand why she was so attached to me in my childhood and i probably never will. I don't understand why she broke contact with me either. When i think of my childhood it doesn't even seem real to me and i start not understanding my life.

I would say I am dangerous close to the edge, if I have damned myself without even knowing in such a horrible way, I don't know that living for others will keep me from making that permanent decision.

I guess that is selfish, but all I can see is death now, everywhere,

People killing people everyday on the news,

And then there is my heart, which tried but neverless became blacker then what I fear God can save, no hope, no salvation, it gets worse and worse and worse and worse. God was barely enough to keep me from killing myself, now even that promise is murky at best. Should I live for no other reason then loved ones, if God couldn't save me, I don't think man can either. I don't find myself at an increase of suicidal thoughts but I find myself more willing to see it to the end. The compromise of feeling death is becoming quite thin if all ends and hell anyway. But maybe I am ranting, or maybe I'll be dead by the new year, only time will tell.

Burn it, burn of it, save nothing. Its not worth it.