Rants

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Ok this is a petty one, but I can't find the "Things that Irrationally Annoys Us" topic anywhere because the search function is broken again -
I am staying with someone who has this habit of CONSTANTLY commentating on, or announcing, everything I do as if it's some big deal, or completely out of line. And this is normal stuff. Like this morning early, I got up to piss and wandered into the kitchen to get just a sip of milk (it's MY milk, I can drink it out of the bottle if I want to) and this person was getting ready to leave, and announces, very loudly, "OH HO! Here it comes, here comes the big swig of milk!"
I literally turned around and said "Oh shut up."
Because that's what this person needs to do. Mind their own effing business, stop watching every move I make and announcing it as if I shouldn't be doing it.
It's not just the milk. I was cooking vegetables the other day (vegetables) and this person comes in, points at me with this shocked expression, and says "OH HO! Cooking up a storm are we, cooking up a storm now?!"
No, a***hole. I'm stirfrying vegetables. This is not a phenomena worthy of herald. I should be allowed to cook vegetables left to my own devices without this fanfare, pointing out everything I'm doing as if it's some crazy, out-there action.
I can't even watch a movie without the commentary - this person will come in and say "what are you watching? What's this now? Oh it's [whatever]! Well."
Leave me alone! It makes me insanely self-conscious, because someone is literally watching everything I do, and I know for a fact that many of my movements also get written down. I'm being spied on.
In a few days I'm moving out for a month on a house-sitting gig, so will be AWAY from these freaks for a time, and then I'm looking at securing a broken down old caravan on a property (there is still a house with people I know in it on the property, so it's not total independence of course, but it might be at least SOME more privacy than this fishbowl shite) after that so I don't have to return. I can't stand it.
/ petty rant.
PS : And yes, WP is getting so sh***y recently that I have been taking time off it in two week blocks - no reading, no commenting, no going near it for those two weeks and then checking back in (like now) to see if there has been improvement.

I just got some information. I also learned that I missed it completely several months ago. Also, it seems that was my fault.

People aren't paying attention when I tell them how dumb I am, or when I tell them how I am dumb.

It's messed up when people's statements parse only as deliberate falsehoods or deliberately provocative. Are simple, declarative sentences so damn difficult?

I literally can't not bring myself to look down from high heights, the desire to kill myself is so great and the impulse so high that if I did, I can't say with honestly that I would not immediately jump.

I have ruined my life completely and I want to die.

Personally I would like to do it in patriotic blaze of glory against some evil dudes for the lulz

But realistically, I'll probably just implode.

I think I did.

Felt oddly satisfying...

But while I am having a heart to heart the entire world and unfortunately my delusions that will never go away, so did being raped as a child.

I am gonna do it and everyone knows it because my delusions are f****d... and my delusions know they are f****d too which is also why I am gonna do it and everyone knows it.

And its impossible to get better...

I am cried eyes out tonight and it was probably seen by my delusions but they are cold and callous and give zero f***s.

And that is how you know I am going to do it eventually.

Alrighty then that is my raw thoughts you want to hear them.

Edit - Nevermind...

I am gonna get myself in a reality of s**t posting stuff like this...

But for those that saw the message...

That is pretty much what I want to do...

I want to leave the Matrix alright...

Would a supposedly non stranger I never met and never been at home for more than a decade long would accept me as I'm?


If he does, I'd be happier than I already been.

If not… Either me or him would had to leave. I'd volunteer myself even if he's just a non stranger to everyone. I wouldn't please anyone in that aspect ever. Not even for acceptance from family.

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You know why am I even the target of this s**t?

Why?

Have I not stated a thousand times those that have hurt others?

Have I not made it crystal clear where I saw what was of offense to others? Its a really obvious sour green thing that predates me being an adult.

Why are "they" crawling all over me and not the things I state?

WHY ARE WE NOT ALL OVER THAT s**t...

Edit

Sigh...

I am talking to a brick wall and preaching to the very people that want to hurt me.

Why bother?

Why bother breathing.

Just have control over my computer for some privacy...

But its useless fight, they will take control over my computer... and watch me with cameras everywhere and give me drugs and probably implant chips in me and I'll probably just start praising Satan...

Seriously why do I even bother...

Goodbye cruel world

I am SO TIRED of waiting!
And today I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. And trapped in my current circumstances.
And having a hard time.

My dad basically ruined my younger brother's graduation day on Friday, and I've been brooding about it.
He's been playing up very badly recently. Always has this nice, gentleman's persona in public, but behind closed doors has the capacity to act like a psychopath.
These days it's just so obvious he clearly has some serious mental health issues. Ironic, considering his favourite insult to me is 'loony', though it's rare these days for him to pick me as his victim as I will fight back - I almost feel handling ageing bullies has become my specialty! But I just have no idea what I can do to help mitigate the tantrums he gets.
My mum is constantly on edge around him this time of year. He is emotionally/verbally abusive, and a control freak.
Sigh, I've come to realise, he's like a child that never grew up: he can't bear having the 'attention' taken away from him and placed on someone else (like my brother on his big day!).
He has the most bizarre moodswings that can become genuinely frightening. He can really act like a madman. In this line of thought, if I am a 'loony', well... I damn well know where I got it from!

I am SO TIRED of my current situation.
It is just driving me absolutely insane.
I have zero personal space. No isolation.
I'm constantly in a room with twenty other people. With two TV's on. All the time. And I get interrupted all the time. At least daily someone comes up to start talking about some kind of drama at me while I'm right in the middle of something.
It is really taking a toll on me. I can't think clearly. I can't read like this. I can't eat properly. I can't sleep properly. My circadian rhythm is so far out of whack!
I can't work out. I can't play music.
I could measure the drop in my ability to function, in some ways. It's embarrassing.
And I just had to try to say that somewhere.

I wish everyone would just stop being vague and stop assuming I know what's in their mind. Also I wish that they could just explain or specify, or just admit they couldn't do that either.
Instead of presuming I understand or unconsciously pressure me to pretend that I do understand and they don't have to work out their vague instructions, they should at least try. That would cut waste of time and chances of error short.


One sidedness of the majority. Of course they won't try unless it concerns them and their domain.

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