If you are Autistic, is your NT or ASD child easier?

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I do not have any NT kids. My primarily ADHD kiddo is harder than my HFA. He goes non-stop without thinking of consequences, from the time he was in the womb.

I think it depends on the circumstances and perspective.

My aspie daughter would spend hours doing what was engaging her that day. As a toddler I could, for example, leave her playing in her room while I went for a shower and she'd still be there doing the same when I got back. My NT toddler son has the attention span of a goldfish and is off up to mischief the minute I take my eyes off him. So from that perspective my daughter was easier.

But, if they couldn't get to do what they want, my son throws a tantrum, gets distracted and 5 minutes later he's forgotten all about it. 5 days later my daughter would still be stropping. So she wasn't easier from that perspective.

I'm not a parent, but I usually find it easier to babysit ASD kids (regardless of functioning level) than NT kids. Firstly, ASD kids are often a lot more capable of amusing themselves than NT kids and demand less interaction from adults. Secondly, the issues that ASD kids have are more often something I can relate to. And lastly, attempts to manipulate or deceive adults are far less common in ASD kids than NT kids, which means I have to do less second-guessing to figure out the kid's true intentions. (I'm not trying to demean NT kids, and I certainly don't hate them for it, but the truth is that manipulation is a part of normal child development, naturally coming out of increasing social understanding.)

Honestly it is a mix, it really depends who is having a bad day or not.

When the boys (ASD) are in a good mood and well behaved I don't even know they are here. When they are both anxious, stressed or frustrated, it can be a nightmare. Anything involving school is a big triggers so that's a constant cloud on the horizon. Both have learnt to surpress in school and then explode at home.

It's cheaper to clothe the boys, they don't care about fashion and only like wearing the same things over and over whereas my NT girls are fashionistas

The boys are easily distracted for hours by tablets/laptops, Lego and TV. The girls need more interaction and entertaining.

One boys sleeps early but wakes up at an ungodly hour, the other never wants to sleep but when he does you can't wake him up They've been awkward sleepers since they were babies. The girls were easier.

I understand the boys' emotions more easily. The girls all seem like drama queens to me and I get frustrated with it.

The boys don't lie often but if they do, they can't hide it and end up confessing anyway. The girls are more manipulative to get what they want and it's harder to please them.

My girls need more outside interaction which means more play dates, parties, social occasions I'd rather not have anything to do with.

It's easier for the girls to understand what I am saying or what is expected of them. The boys get overwhelmed or confused.

There are pros and cons to both.

I agree that if you are autistic, it will be easier to parent an autistic child. The same applies to an NT parent and an NT child. It is just common sense that you will understand someone that is more like you than someone who is very different.


PS I believe that MOST parents who complain about their autistic child and find it difficult to parent them are either 1. NT or 2. Autistic and high functioning and instead of looking at themselves and admitting it, they are attempting to make their child into something they are NOT by going with the "expert advice" on how to parent, treat, blah, blah, ABA blah