If you are Autistic, is your NT or ASD child easier?

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If you are Autistic yourself, is your Autistic child or neurotypical child easier to parent?

I was speaking to my friend the other day who thought it was interesting that I think that my Autistic daughter is easier for me to parent than my NT children. She said that most parents have a much hard time with Autistic children. I wonder if my Autistic child is easier for me because unlike NT parents, I understand her sensory needs and aversions and don't force it, and we have similar social needs?

I don't have any autistic kids so I can't say who is easier. I would say my son is easy but he can be difficult when he gets loud and uncontrollable and defiant and whiny and starts being rough with his sister and then touching me. But I think all parents will say raising a kid is tough. I say my daughter is easy too but she is hard when she fusses and won't stop crying.

But I think having an autistic kid can be tough too based on the stories I have read about some of them and seeing that Autism Speaks video and it looked like something I wouldn't be able to handle due to all the chaos they do. But I know they are showing the worst cases of it to support their claim for a cure and to make it look like this is what autism is for everyone and what it does to all mothers and families.

I have two teenage daughters, both who have numerous autistic traits. Like me, both of them are quite introverted. Though, I doubt either is severe enough to be diagnosable.

Most definitely, my daughters’ temperament was perfect (for me). Interestingly, it initially upset my wife (who is a full blown NT). When my eldest daughter was ~ 2, I mentioned to my wife that she was an extreme introvert, just like her father. My wife replied, “I don’t want my daughter to be like you”. This conversation occurred many years before I was diagnosed (with Asperger’s).

Anyhow. I am glad I didn’t have to parent an NT boy (as I doubt I would have been a good role model).

I just wanted to answer the poll.

My third child (BAP) was the easiest to parent. Though I think there are a lot of other factors in this. I was a more experienced parent by the time he came along, and he was born with the sunniest nature of the entire family, in the three generations currently alive. I had more resources (of every kind) by then, and in personality terms, he was more like me than his two older siblings - so we were on the same wavelength from the start!

My 3 children represent (in this order) 1) frank aspiegirl; 2) neurotypical as; 3) BAP. The two on the spectrum had health issues that did not affect my middle child - lower immunity, allergies and so on that presented them with challenges the middle child did not have, and these kinds of differences and others created closer relationships between the eldest and youngest, so that my middle child felt a bit isolated.

Nevertheless, all 3 had their strengths and over time I learned to relate to those. None of us had a clue about ASD until they had all long grown up and left home. And I think that made a difference, I treated them all as "themselves", not through the lens of being on the spectrum or not. I would have hated growing up and being viewed as 'a diagnosis' and so would have they.. I feel sad for the children who experience this now, though not all parents fall in to that trap; however many seem too, from what I read here...

I guess it depends on what we are talking about. You guys want to answer this little poll:

Who is easier? ASD kid or NT kid

to understand ASD kid
to bond with ASD kid
to spend time with ASD kid
to discipline NT kid
to take in public NT kid
with school matters NT kid

B19, what is BAP?

In a nutshell, "BAP" is someone who has 'subclinical' symptoms of ASD' - that is, they would not reach the threshold for a formal diagnosis, though they have some of the ASD traits (not all and those they have are lesser in impact). Often found in relatives of people identified with an ASD. As we know, autism is a spectrum - BAP is at one end of that spectrum (if you imagine it as a Bell Curve, it is one of the 'tails' on the curve of a normal distribution of a population). ASD plus intellectual handicap and other severe disabilities to the point that any kind of independent function is severely impractical could perhaps describe the other tail (though let's not get into that).

In my youngest child, it amounts to a charming mix of ASD and NT traits that delight me

You can read more about BAP here:

http://www.scielo.br/scielo.php?script= ... 3000400252

Thank you, everyone, this is all very interesting!

I love parenting my AS son...now. I have a feeling that while I was a crap parent before we figured it out, I'd be a really crap parent to an NT kid.

Parenting when you have sensory issues is hard no matter what kind of kid you've got, but managing meltdowns appropriately when both parents have a noise sensitivity is REALLY HARD.

That said, I am better able to understand DS and other kids on the spectrum than I am NT kids, meaning that I have an easier time meeting their needs (and, now, in diffusing meltdowns) for AS kids than I do NT kids (oog. Sports and fashion.) I don't have an NT kid, so I can't make a direct comparison.

I'm not diagnosed with ASD, but I have lots of the traits, BAP whatever.
I've found with my boy who has ASD, some things are easier, some harder. It's really easy to buy him gifts and find things that he likes because of his intense interests in things. He can entertain himself alone for a really long time which is nice. Until recently he hasn't really enjoyed or sought out social activities and neither do I, so that's nice. He intensely enjoys a lot of the same things that I do- music, art, books, and generally weird stuff. He learns some types of things really easily and quickly- reading, math, his memory is great, so that makes teaching him some stuff really easy. His adherence to routine makes him really neat- always puts his shoes away, washes hands etc. Harder things- sleep issues, food issues, communication issues. And he is so freaking LOUD, talking constantly with no volume control or off button. He is more difficult to calm down when upset.
My suspected-NT daughter is easier in some ways, harder in others. She is able to tell us, precisely, what she wants, how she feels etc. SHE SLEEPS. AND EATS. lol. She doesn't suffer from extreme anxiety, so that just makes things generally more pleasant. She gets over problems or upsets easily. Because she is NT, it's easier to figure out what stages in her development she's at and what's coming up next. No guessing involved. She learns other types of things easily- potty training, behaviour stuff. Harder things- she always wants to go out and be with other kids and people which I find tiring and boring. She always wants to interact when sometimes I feel like spacing out. She is a lot messier than my son. She can be a little manipulative. She can also be pretty loud but my boy is worse with that.

My NT daughter is easier for me to handle. We'll see how the teenage years go...

I find my aspie child easier more of the time during outbursts. My NT daughter can get so loud that I feel like running away... or worse, the silent scream face/dear caught by the headlights takes over me. My aspie son, I can see the beginning of his spiral up or meltdown, and know that it will pass if I do not intervene... its like he is so overwhelmed inside he bursts and then he is fine, like it relieves the pressure. I can quietly ackowledge what he is feeling, and hug him if I sense he needs it. My NT mom (as well as his NT dad) always tried to reason with him and calm him down which made it worse... I said shhh, just let him rant and it will be over soon. It was, and she was soooo confused, his dad still doesnt get it.

I have a harder time understanding my NT son's needs to be accepted, and to socialize more often. He's still a shy and anxious little guy, but he's happiest with friends and peers close to him. My AS son can hurt his feelings because he is looked up to as his big brother, so I try to play interpreter and give him opportunities to socialize. I worry about his anxiety, which is on a much more elevated level than my AS son.

I have a MUCH harder time with my ASD child, for the following reasons:

1) I am an introvert, and socially anxious. He is extremely outgoing, oblivious to his social faux pas, loud, and constantly says/does inappropriate things. I basically want to run away every time I'm in public with him. Being female and born in the age before autism awareness, I learned to "pass" by keeping my mouth shut and intensely observing/mimicking the behavior of those around me. DS has neither the ability nor any inclination to do this.
2) His extremely poor organizational skills mean I am constantly picking up after him, reminding him, and organizing his schoolwork. He had two major projects for school this year that I literally did for him, then had him copy my work in his handwriting. Just getting him to pay attention and get that amount of work done was very stressful.
3) I have to go to IEP meetings, and I get phone calls from the principal, the psychologist, etc. As I said before, I am socially anxious. I also have a phobia of phones. So, not happy about all of that. Advocating for him the many many times he's been bullied has also been difficult.
4) Communication - DS is very verbal, but he mostly communicates about things he wants. He always wants something, and nothing is ever enough. If I buy him something, he tells me he wishes he could have gotten the bigger one, or two of them, or something more. If I do an activity with him, he's always upset that we didn't do it longer, or more often. He's never grateful or content. That makes him very tiring to be around.

I voted ASD kid was easier. But it's not so black vs white, now that I think about it. I appreciate that he can spend 8 hrs straight on the computer & playing with lego's. My NT teens annoy me with constant "Mom. mom? mom! MOOOMM...!" I don't get what all the TALKING is about, why do I have to be "mommed" 500 times in an hour because so & so's mom thinks her dad is having an affair or your pinky finger hurts every afternoon except for on friday's or the always confounding "guess what!?" On the other hand, the isolation from RAISING an autistic child has been more severe than my own self-isolation. It has, in fact, cut off the little conection with humans I had left. I am also guilty of dodging loud, crowded, hot, stuffy venues "because he's reached his limit", when it is, in fact, ME that has had enough!