Worth investing in an assessment?

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greetings

I'm a 38 year old woman (single, no kids) with many of the symptoms of autism from an early age. I didn't talk until I was 3, but taught myself to read at 2.5 from watching the telly. I speed read compulsively throughout my childhood - newspapers, financial and sports columns, anything I could get my hands on. Some of it I understood, but some of it I didn't. I also have absolute pitch, and was put in special ed (gifted) right from kindergarten.

I used to skip and gallop up and down the hall in the house, throwing myself against both doors, in an ecstatic state. I continued to do this until I was about 30. I have also broken many beds with my bouncing habit. I would bounce on my bed in a forward/backward motion, giddy with ecstasy, imagining all kinds of things. I caught myself doing it the other day. I also chew on my collar and on pens, even though I look a bit demented doing it. I'm clumsy and spill coffee everywhere. I wear sunglasses and keep the lights off at home because they hurt my eyes. I also hate TV because it's too loud.

I don't wear jewellery because I don't like how it feels against my skin. I'm making myself wear makeup more now because I have rosacea and I look better with it on. I prefer to wear PJs and wear them all the time at home as they are comfortable. I've tried to learn about fashion, even about colour analysis, to choose the right colours to wear. But I keep defaulting to baggy black clothes with space invaders on them.

I've had a lot of friends in my life, but a couple have just disappeared without telling me why. To understand people better, I've become more observant, and learned about personality theories such as the Myers Briggs type indicator (MBTI) and the Enneagram. I've lost countless jobs because I go into staring and crying fits when confronted with a stream of customers, or when I make a mistake.

I've had a variety of intense interests in my life - various idealised people, the band Midnight Oil, the TV show Queer as Folk (US), revolutionary theories, Russian history, collecting bread pegs, and now I nerd out over camera lenses, both vintage and new. I can talk shop and exchange information really well, but other conversations I find more difficult. I tend to listen to other people talk to me most of the time, and just act really polite so I don't upset anyone. Other people have told me that my social skills suck, that my eyes dart everywhere, and that I need to study body language.

Romance has been an absolute disaster so I just don't bother.
Staying organised with bills/cleaning/dressing takes up a lot of mental energy. I just don't know how normal people manage.
I have two cousins with severe autism, and many other family members with strange habits and odd social behaviours.

I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, and even with some borderline personality traits. But none of them describe some of these behaviours I've exhibited throughout my life.

Do you think I could be on the Spectrum, and should I invest $500 to get an assessment?

Wow, you sound just like me! Except I definitely never bounced around... I was the type to stare at a book for hours without moving no matter what went on around me... my overall energy levels are consistently lower than average, except for when I'm engaged in my special interest (then it's like I put on a magical hat and become a different person, with energy, and actually interested in talking! OMG)

I've also had a lot of other things attributed to my strangeness in the past. I've been seeing psychiatrists since age 12 and every explanation I was ever given, I felt was a load of crap. I bet ASD was ruled right off the list because I seemed "more intelligent" than my age, whatever that means, even though every professional I saw, and all the adults in my personal life commented that my social skills development "seemed delayed". Eventually I found a narrative of my own to explain things, and followed it like a rigid script, but a few years of that and I've realized yet again that it's just an attempt to delude myself into believing I've found the answer.

I want to try getting an assessment, just so I can tell myself that I tried, rather than regretting it in the future. The general opinion I've observed in my endless lurking is that formal diagnosis as an adult may not be worth the time, money, and mental drain often required, unless you think it'll be helpful for accessing benefits and accommodations. I'm sorta envious of the people who are content with self-diagnosis. I guess I've just been tossed around and misled and rejected my whole life, that I really want to feel validated for once.

Just $500 though? I was under the impression it would cost more than that...

It's hard to say how much practical help a diagnosis could give you, but I'm inclined to say it's worth it.

If you can spare $500, I would recommend going for it. You're unlikely to find a diagnosis that cheap a second time if you let this one go, and I for one have found my diagnosis to be extremely helpful. It's given me accommodations at school, leniency at work, and made me eligible for things like disability payments and employment assistance, both of which I intend to use if my current job (which I really hate) doesn't work out.

Your post definitely reads like a person on the spectrum, and given your history of work and social problems, you may find a diagnosis a helpful resource for addressing such issues.