Dating is harder for Aspie guys because...

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Lifeistoohard
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21 Jun 2015, 10:08 am

There's are far less Aspie women out there.

It should seem obvious when looking at the CDC stats of 4:1 (boy/girl) gender ratio for Autism that even if all the Aspie women partnered up with a guy on the spectrum, most Aspie guys would still be single, or left at the mercy of (gasp) non-autistic girls.



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21 Jun 2015, 11:04 am

I am going to let you in on a little secret:

Dating is not a requirement for having sex with a lady regardless of her NT or Aspie-status.

You should be glad not to be amongst a particular seal-species I read about back in the day. According to their encyclopedia-entry it was written that something like only 6% or so of the male seals mated with something like 83% of the female seal-population. Unless of course you can be amongst that 5% of the male-seals (actually it may have been 3%) due to their very territorial-nature (the women being the territory).

The saying goes: Men are territorial and women are territory to be conquered.

I would say that aspies have the advantage in the ability to study like clock-work the peculiar behaviours of others then eventually come up with a master-plan of conquest (although most of us would actually rather just lead peaceful, non-dramatic livelihoods, that are honest, and typically do not have the desire to try & be domineering over others). Also, and from my own personal-experience, I find that we aspies also tend to have a late-stage learning curve that can be compared versus those NTs in the following manner...

NTS: 80 120 150 170 180 185 190 192 193 194 195 195 etc
ASD: 05 05 05 08 08 08 11 11 11 20 25 35 50 80 120 180 250 400 etc

Each number representing the amount of learning/understanding of a particular topic/interest/subject, and as you move onto the next number, consider each digit to represent the next phase worth of time that had elapsed. Sure, Aspies might not necessarily get or understand certain things initially, but let them spend a lot of time being focused on studying & researching & analysing any particular issue and I guarantee you that they'll eventually far-surpass the understanding of even the so-called experts (most of whom are really just « so-called » for a reason).

I also think that another extremely important thing that ALL « autistics » should be taught from a very young age is simply to question everything. For example, that study from the CDC, I would question its authenticity, and if the CDC may actually in fact, somehow be involved in any kinds of conspiracies. Perhaps even to teach children to question things by comparing all information to all other information (especially in comparison with a number of documentaries that come out). Speaking of questioning the CDC and their legitimacy...

Here is a comment in response that someone made to the above-video...

Luke Foisy wrote:
The patent for Ebola and the patent for the vaccine are held by the same person. Mandatory / forced vaccination are coming.

For all we know these so-called studies on so-called autism may be nothing more than some kind of clandestine corporate-marketing with the non-social males or introverted males simply being part of the "collateral-damage" that results for as long as they're making profits off of coming up with their 'version' of science.


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21 Jun 2015, 11:47 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
You should be glad not to be amongst a particular seal-species I read about back in the day. According to their encyclopedia-entry it was written that something like only 6% or so of the male seals mated with something like 83% of the female seal-population. Unless of course you can be amongst that 5% of the male-seals (actually it may have been 3%) due to their very territorial-nature (the women being the territory).



Seals don't do that! Baby seals are delivered by a stork.



Stargazer43
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21 Jun 2015, 12:32 pm

I think that the real reason is that dating involves a huge amount of nonverbal communication, and by definition people with Aspergers struggle with nonverbal communication.

I've never been convinced that aspie/aspie relationships would be any easier, because then the communication difficulties just get compounded. It would make it easier for both partners to understand each other in certain ways, though.



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21 Jun 2015, 12:33 pm

Assuming guys with aspergers can only date females with it, also it might not be true there are more males with aspergers than females there are diagnosed people, some experts think sometimes females go undiagnosed more often.


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21 Jun 2015, 1:14 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
I think that the real reason is that dating involves a huge amount of nonverbal communication, and by definition people with Aspergers struggle with nonverbal communication.

Along with lots of assumptions and even where verbal communication is involved it can be ambiguous.



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21 Jun 2015, 4:44 pm

Oh, snap, I always knew those Encyclopedias were potentially full of false-information !

Venger wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
You should be glad not to be amongst a particular seal-species I read about back in the day. According to their encyclopedia-entry it was written that something like only 6% or so of the male seals mated with something like 83% of the female seal-population. Unless of course you can be amongst that 5% of the male-seals (actually it may have been 3%) due to their very territorial-nature (the women being the territory).



Seals don't do that! Baby seals are delivered by a stork.

This is why I've turned away from letting myself be merely book-learned into one who prefers street-smarts !

I would rather trust the words coming from a very Seal than some book that talks about them any day !


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yellowtamarin
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21 Jun 2015, 6:37 pm

And the females who are aspie don't limit themselves to only dating other aspies*! Terrible!


*well I don't, anyway.



Gauldoth
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21 Jun 2015, 9:12 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Assuming guys with aspergers can only date females with it, also it might not be true there are more males with aspergers than females there are diagnosed people, some experts think sometimes females go undiagnosed more often.


This. This is something very important that is rarely, if ever, taken into account. Aspergers is usually only diagnosed when people go searching for answers as to why they can't seem to function normally in society, why they feel the way they feel, think the way they think. And they usually only do that when their disfunction starts causing them trouble and making it difficult for them to live their day-to-day life. And of course society is a hell of a lot more permissive and tolerant toward women than it is toward men. Women who display typical Aspie traits won't really receive any social sanctions or punishment, they'll just be seen as "quirky". Men who display Aspie traits on the other hand, will be seen as either creepy, uncaring and/or rude.



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22 Jun 2015, 12:21 am

Gauldoth wrote:
And of course society is a hell of a lot more permissive and tolerant toward women than it is toward men. Women who display typical Aspie traits won't really receive any social sanctions or punishment, they'll just be seen as "quirky". Men who display Aspie traits on the other hand, will be seen as either creepy, uncaring and/or rude.


I have been studying many of the posts here, from both men and women, and the consensus seems to be, that Aspie women usually have an easier time finding dates, but many of them have been in abusive (mentally and/or physically) relationships, which is similar to many of the guys here, that have managed to get into a relationship.



Gauldoth
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22 Jun 2015, 1:59 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
And of course society is a hell of a lot more permissive and tolerant toward women than it is toward men. Women who display typical Aspie traits won't really receive any social sanctions or punishment, they'll just be seen as "quirky". Men who display Aspie traits on the other hand, will be seen as either creepy, uncaring and/or rude.


I have been studying many of the posts here, from both men and women, and the consensus seems to be, that Aspie women usually have an easier time finding dates, but many of them have been in abusive (mentally and/or physically) relationships, which is similar to many of the guys here, that have managed to get into a relationship.


If you say so. Again, I don't know any Aspie women irl and the few I've meet online who actually showed signs of being genuine Aspergers and not just "Lady AspiesTM" all identified as assexual or at least claimed to not have any interest in sex.

Just for the record though, being used for sex =/ doesn't equal being in an abusive relationship.



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22 Jun 2015, 7:34 pm

How about aspie females that are gay or asexual/aromantic?


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22 Jun 2015, 8:02 pm

Why dating is harder for autistic/aspie guys. =warning may be seen as offensive to some people=

1. We don't understand the rules of dating.

2. We don't know how to flirt

3. We're ugly and unattractive. Most aspie guys arne't very attractive no offence. This is bad if you're under 30.

4. We come off as cold and rude

5. Our "passion" is video games and most chicks don't want to sit around and talk about video games all day.

6. We may have problems with speaking and language.

7. We have trouble knowing what the hell to say to attractive women. Some autistics have trouble knowing what to say in social situations. It sux bro.

8. Living off of SSI in addition to being unemployed with no license doesn't get you a gf.

9. We come off as special and autistic to other people.

10. We're just too nerdy

11. Being overweight or too skinny. In other words, we need to work out. Most aspie guys arne't sporty at all so this explains.

12. Being unfriendly.

13. Being shy. Sure some chicks like shy guys but that's only if you're attractive. If you look like a walking trash can and you're shy, you're not getting any anytime soon.

14. You look and smell like s**t. You forget to shave, rarely shower, and like to burp the ABC's for a passion. Okay maybe except the last part.

15. You just don't put yourself out there to attract other women due to uninterest.

16. You don't know when you're scaring a woman away by the things you do. Like texting her repeatedly when she's not responding back, or coming off as a creepy ass stalker or creeper. " but i just wanna be ur friend ='( "





Dating is f*****g hard. Just ask any normal looking guy trying to get a girlfriend. Dating is harder if you have autism or aspergers due to the above reasons. You're going to get rejected a lot, every guy does and some dudes simply just can't handle being rejected multiple times. It damages your self-esteem.



Last edited by darkphantomx1 on 22 Jun 2015, 8:17 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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22 Jun 2015, 8:12 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
How about aspie females that are gay or asexual/aromantic?

They make it even harder still for the poor men.



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22 Jun 2015, 8:58 pm

All the early twenty something males seem to think they know all the answers for some reason.

darkphantom- a lot of your reasons are just generalizations on Aspie behaviour. While I can't walk a mile in your shoes, I can in mine. Most of that doesn't apply here. A couple applied when I was younger and less mature.


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22 Jun 2015, 9:00 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Why dating is harder for autistic/aspie guys. =warning may be seen as offensive to some people=

1. We don't understand the rules of dating.

2. We don't know how to flirt

3. We're ugly and unattractive. Most aspie guys arne't very attractive no offence. This is bad if you're under 30.

4. We come off as cold and rude

5. Our "passion" is video games and most chicks don't want to sit around and talk about video games all day.

6. We may have problems with speaking and language.

7. We have trouble knowing what the hell to say to attractive women. Some autistics have trouble knowing what to say in social situations. It sux bro.

8. Living off of SSI in addition to being unemployed with no license doesn't get you a gf.

9. We come off as special and autistic to other people.

10. We're just too nerdy

11. Being overweight or too skinny. In other words, we need to work out. Most aspie guys arne't sporty at all so this explains.

12. Being unfriendly.

13. Being shy. Sure some chicks like shy guys but that's only if you're attractive. If you look like a walking trash can and you're shy, you're not getting any anytime soon.

14. You look and smell like s**t. You forget to shave, rarely shower, and like to burp the ABC's for a passion. Okay maybe except the last part.

15. You just don't put yourself out there to attract other women due to uninterest.

16. You don't know when you're scaring a woman away by the things you do. Like texting her repeatedly when she's not responding back, or coming off as a creepy ass stalker or creeper. " but i just wanna be ur friend ='( "

there are girl gamers out there. unattractive, that only means they are. territory from what i am reading is very stupid. i dont know where you all get these reasons, but its a shame what we all are in for.



Dating is f*****g hard. Just ask any normal looking guy trying to get a girlfriend. Dating is harder if you have autism or aspergers due to the above reasons. You're going to get rejected a lot, every guy does and some dudes simply just can't handle being rejected multiple times. It damages your self-esteem.


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