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Dating is harder for Aspie guys because...

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rdos
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26 Jun 2015, 3:50 am

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
Believe me, I've also missed cues and signals from guys who may have found me attractive or interesting back when I was available. I also probably missed a whole bunch of red flags with my first (failed) marriage relationship. Dating is hard for Aspie females, too--because we're so desperate to be liked, loved, and / or found attractive that we'll fall deep for any guy who expresses overt interest, and stay in the relationship no matter how abusive it gets because we don't feel we have any other options.


Yes, I suspect that to be true, although I think the attachment part plays a big role here, just as it does for aspie guys that cannot get over a girl.



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26 Jun 2015, 8:58 am

314pe wrote:
Funny how many posts on this and similar topics start with 'I have a hard time dating' and end with 'now I'm happily married'.


And funnier still is how they're always written by women. :roll:



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26 Jun 2015, 12:08 pm

314pe wrote:
Funny how many posts on this and similar topics start with 'I have a hard time dating' and end with 'now I'm happily married'.


Was this directed at me as an example?

What part of my description of trouble relating to my NT hubby sounded like "happily married" to you? Did you miss the part about my first failed marriage, and the parts about how my NT hubby struggles to relate to me?

It was hard dating. I wasn't sought out as a date by anyone, ever, except the two guys who became my first and second husband, both of whom would by today's standards be guilty of "date rape" by the time we'd been dating for a few months. Once they'd asked me out the first time, I was so scared to lose them that I was willing to accept any kind of behavior from them without complaint. Please keep in mind that these two stories are separated by three decades. I didn't learn anything, really, from my teen experience with MyEx--2nd hubby was able to play me the exact same way.

Funny how the only thing guys seem to see in posts like this is that as long as someone is getting laid on a regular basis there is no problem with dating. As long as your balls aren't blue, you're happy. Whereas others want a meaningful relationship to form out of dating, not just a regular occurance of wham bam thank you ma'am.

:roll:


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autismthinker21
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26 Jun 2015, 12:40 pm

OK That's totally f*****g disrespectful. Why should American men fix dinner for the ladies. I mean we both can't fix our own? That girl better move there. It's No different there.


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rdos
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26 Jun 2015, 2:28 pm

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
,
Funny how the only thing guys seem to see in posts like this is that as long as someone is getting laid on a regular basis there is no problem with dating. As long as your balls aren't blue, you're happy. Whereas others want a meaningful relationship to form out of dating, not just a regular occurance of wham bam thank you ma'am.


Not me at least. I'm asexual, and for me a relationship would only be meaningful if I have a strong attachment (and typically an obsession) with a girl. I also prefer the whole thing to advance slowly, typically months or even years. Dating doesn't fit into this in any way.



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26 Jun 2015, 2:38 pm

I don't mind fixing dinners for ladies I like. I only wish I were a better cook.



LyraLuthTinu
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26 Jun 2015, 5:24 pm

rdos wrote:
LyraLuthTinu wrote:
,
Funny how the only thing guys seem to see in posts like this is that as long as someone is getting laid on a regular basis there is no problem with dating. As long as your balls aren't blue, you're happy. Whereas others want a meaningful relationship to form out of dating, not just a regular occurance of wham bam thank you ma'am.


Not me at least. I'm asexual, and for me a relationship would only be meaningful if I have a strong attachment (and typically an obsession) with a girl. I also prefer the whole thing to advance slowly, typically months or even years. Dating doesn't fit into this in any way.


Sorry, I thought it pretty clear that that part of my post was a generalization in response to the generalizations of it's harder for guys and look at all the happily married people who are saying it was hard for them too.

To those posters I would add: it won't be easy for you to learn from the examples and advice of happily married posters like Kraftie Kortie if you're busy being jealous that they've succeeded in acquiring what you're currently struggling to acheive. Just because they have it now doesn't mean it was easy for them to get. Maybe even if you take their advice and learn from it instead of whining about it you'll acheive it quicker, and then they can be jealous of you because you got it quicker.

IOW put your big boy pants on and work it instead!


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26 Jun 2015, 8:10 pm

Aspies are just late-bloomers. You can think of it somewhat like we're elves with longer life-spans than humans.
Unless of course we foolishly buy into the NT-ways & NT life-styles & NT-habits (i.e.: status-quo-perpetuation).
That would probably cause our life-spans to shorten by being suckered by the same things that NTs are.


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26 Jun 2015, 8:12 pm

Ban-Dodger wrote:
Aspies are just late-bloomers. You can think of it somewhat like we're elves with longer life-spans than humans.
Unless of course we foolishly buy into the NT-ways & NT life-styles & NT-habits (i.e.: status-quo-perpetuation).
That would probably cause our life-spans to shorten by being suckered by the same things that NTs are.


which is fine if your'e a woman, but women dont' like late bloomers, after 30 its all over if you haven't bloomed as a man unles syou' get a great paying job and can provide for some woman and her 5 kids.



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26 Jun 2015, 9:29 pm

You obviously haven't lived amongst any of the Russian/Ukrainian-cultures where available men are like fresh meat that many of their very young women drool over...

sly279 wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
Aspies are just late-bloomers. You can think of it somewhat like we're elves with longer life-spans than humans.
Unless of course we foolishly buy into the NT-ways & NT life-styles & NT-habits (i.e.: status-quo-perpetuation).
That would probably cause our life-spans to shorten by being suckered by the same things that NTs are.


which is fine if your'e a woman, but women dont' like late bloomers, after 30 its all over if you haven't bloomed as a man unles syou' get a great paying job and can provide for some woman and her 5 kids.

Also, your belief about this 30s thing is more like the opposite of reality, for the more experienced man makes less mistakes, and is more attractive to the majority of females, whilst most women are considered to be past their prime after reaching their 30s (that is not to say that they don't become hornier in their 30s & 40s which is why you actually have pretty damn good chances of being able to have affairs with even married women in their 30s or 40s, cougars if you may, perhaps we could call them MILFs if you want, simply by giving them some obviously « creepy (i.e.: you are obviously horny for her body) » attention if you can somehow find opportunities to be alone together away from their husbands/social-circles).


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26 Jun 2015, 9:34 pm

Ban-Dodger wrote:
You obviously haven't lived amongst any of the Russian/Ukrainian-cultures where available men are like fresh meat that many of their very young women drool over...
sly279 wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
Aspies are just late-bloomers. You can think of it somewhat like we're elves with longer life-spans than humans.
Unless of course we foolishly buy into the NT-ways & NT life-styles & NT-habits (i.e.: status-quo-perpetuation).
That would probably cause our life-spans to shorten by being suckered by the same things that NTs are.


which is fine if your'e a woman, but women dont' like late bloomers, after 30 its all over if you haven't bloomed as a man unles syou' get a great paying job and can provide for some woman and her 5 kids.

Also, your belief about this 30s thing is more like the opposite of reality, for the more experienced man makes less mistakes, and is more attractive to the majority of females, whilst most women are considered to be past their prime after reaching their 30s (that is not to say that they don't become hornier in their 30s & 40s which is why you actually have pretty damn good chances of being able to have affairs with even married women in their 30s or 40s, cougars if you may, perhaps we could call them MILFs if you want, simply by giving them some obviously « creepy (i.e.: you are obviously horny for her body) » attention if you can somehow find opportunities to be alone together away from their husbands/social-circles).


I don't believe this women in their 30s ideal. Cougar's are just a way of explaining the real adult purpose. Not like It's anything to see. every woman on this Planet is different.


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26 Jun 2015, 11:34 pm

Ban-Dodger wrote:
You obviously haven't lived amongst any of the Russian/Ukrainian-cultures where available men are like fresh meat that many of their very young women drool over...
sly279 wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
Aspies are just late-bloomers. You can think of it somewhat like we're elves with longer life-spans than humans.
Unless of course we foolishly buy into the NT-ways & NT life-styles & NT-habits (i.e.: status-quo-perpetuation).
That would probably cause our life-spans to shorten by being suckered by the same things that NTs are.


which is fine if your'e a woman, but women dont' like late bloomers, after 30 its all over if you haven't bloomed as a man unles syou' get a great paying job and can provide for some woman and her 5 kids.

Also, your belief about this 30s thing is more like the opposite of reality, for the more experienced man makes less mistakes, and is more attractive to the majority of females, whilst most women are considered to be past their prime after reaching their 30s (that is not to say that they don't become hornier in their 30s & 40s which is why you actually have pretty damn good chances of being able to have affairs with even married women in their 30s or 40s, cougars if you may, perhaps we could call them MILFs if you want, simply by giving them some obviously « creepy (i.e.: you are obviously horny for her body) » attention if you can somehow find opportunities to be alone together away from their husbands/social-circles).


may have been true in the past but women were attracted to the job/income/objects older men use to have. I know tons of older men and they don't have hot young women crawling all over them, but well they aren't the middle class well off men that women find attractive. they low income working stiffs. I'm not arguing the 50 year old CEOs aren't attractive to women. but if you don't reach that then you're going be way more unattractive then you were when you were 20.

cougars go after super hot guys not average guys.

nope born and raised in the west civilization , more specifically the USA.



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27 Jun 2015, 1:40 am

I've said it before and I'll say it again: sex is a market. Women are the sellers, men are the buyers.

If you're a man and you want sex, you're gonna have to trade for it. Whether it's money, status, whatever... you're gonna have to offer the woman something in exchange for her sexual consent, and if you don't have anything to trade, then you won't get sex. It's as simple as that.



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27 Jun 2015, 3:17 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
You obviously haven't lived amongst any of the Russian/Ukrainian-cultures where available men are like fresh meat that many of their very young women drool over...


Lol, who are you trying to fool? Those women are looking for a meal ticket, nothing more. :lol:



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27 Jun 2015, 3:59 am

Gauldoth wrote:
Ban-Dodger wrote:
You obviously haven't lived amongst any of the Russian/Ukrainian-cultures where available men are like fresh meat that many of their very young women drool over...


Lol, who are you trying to fool? Those women are looking for a meal ticket, nothing more. :lol:


I suspect that's what all the 1015 year-old guys keep telling themselves.



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27 Jun 2015, 4:01 am

sly279 wrote:
may have been true in the past but women were attracted to the job/income/objects older men use to have. I know tons of older men and they don't have hot young women crawling all over them, but well they aren't the middle class well off men that women find attractive. they low income working stiffs. I'm not arguing the 50 year old CEOs aren't attractive to women. but if you don't reach that then you're going be way more unattractive then you were when you were 20.


Not true. I've had a much younger (pretty attractive) woman show interest in me without knowing ANYTHING about me. I've also flirted with much younger women, and some do reciprocate.

Also, on my experimental OkC account, I announced that I primarily was interested in younger women, and I regularly get matches from women in their 20s and 30s that have my age in their preferred age range. These women don't have extreme requirements.