The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
03 Jul 2015, 8:01 pm
OliveOilMom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You wrote tremendous text walls already here, why don't you just spit these magical tips right here and right now? :p
You can do something about how you look and your social skills. How you look is easier to fix, but social skills are a learned skill as well. You actually described me to a t until I met some girls in school to decided to actually help me out and teach me how to look and act. They became best friends and I'm forever grateful. I still keep in touch with them. It was hard to do but I did it and even if you can't be great at it, you can be better than you are now.
Thats what gets me about a lot of people here who complain about being alone. They know whats wrong with them and why they aren't attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, but they just won't do anything about it, or they tried before and didn't see results fast enough so they quit. It takes a good bit of time and a lot of patience and dedication, but it's very worth it. Very worth it. I was so much worse than you could imagine back then and had so many problems too. I am not saying I learned to cure my AS or anything, not hardly. I learned to work around it and pass for NT and it became second nature. Now I don't even think about it, that's just who I am.
If you don't try to change anything about yourself then you will never get different results. The worst that can happen is that things will stay the same, but at least by trying something you have a chance for a different outcome. I just don't understand why people refuse to try.
or they try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try and try again, but still never get better. for example if whats wrong with them is that they are poor but they can't become rich. like say they ca't work and get ssi and they've tried to get work and gone to the government to get help after years of trying and still can't get work. what do you suggest that would magically make them rich.
oh and they ugly but it cost money to get plastic surgery. which they lack because of the above.
but yep we just lazy. anyone that isn't handsome, thin and rich is just lazy. sounds family isn't it the line the left and tea party says? is it some thing to make us feel bad for existing and wan to die, because it works. it makes not lazy people who just have a bad luck feel bad and think they lazy despite not being lazy.
That isn't what I said at all. Some things you can change and others you can't. You haven't yet heard ANY of the suggestions I would make for you, yet you have basically said you tried them over and over and failed and failed, and you also assumed you knew what they were. Here is a hint, they have nothing to do with anything you said. I've helped guys in your situation several times, and with good results. But you know what, you said you tried what I would have suggested and you failed. You also don't even seem interested in hearing what I would have suggested and I pretty much guarantee that you haven't tried this or any of the things I was going to say. However, you know best, and the fact that a couple of the guys I've helped were worse off than you, and aspie as well, won't matter.
So, write it off, blame my idea for your problems and let it be just another example of how everybody is so evil to you. Just forget all about the actual, real help and solutions I have been trying to get you to let me help you with and suggest and explain to you. Forget that they have worked and forget that you could have had at least a change for a somewhat better situation and life.
Just nevermind, you know it all and it's all terrible.
Enjoy your life, I'm not going to even try to get you to let me help you or make suggestions now. I've run out of patience and I haven't even gotten to explain or suggest one thing. Good luck, really.
well you already said in another thread you weren't going to help me so I'm confused ^o.o>
I am just tired of people accusing me of not doing anything or trying. so tired of being told how awful I am.
idk what you want from me. I suck at writing. been feeling super super depressed this week.
I had still held out hope that I might could get you into the right mindset to PM you and talk to you about some for real help that could do you a world of good. Mainly because I've been in a similar situation when I was younger and without somebody helping me I would never have had a life. It feels like the right thing to do, when you can help somebody to actually try to. But that ship sailed, and I've stopped hoping that you'll ever let me or anybody else help you because you won't really listen to anybody. There is always an excuse or a reason or something you saw on tv and think is real or read here and apply to the whole world, etc, so nothing I say or try to show you will do any good. You have to be willing to admit that maybe you were looking at things wrong and also be willing to take a chance on something somebody else suggests, that you aren't willing to do either. So thats why I finally said for real, no.
Of course a lot of people would say that they know what I was going to say or how or why it won't work, etc, but they don't know what I was going to say or do and they don't know that it wouldn't help because it has helped several people in similar situations to yours. Thats ok though. No biggie. And no, it's not some "just do it" Nike type thing, it's not a diet, it's not any kind of new age BS "think your reality" crap or anything like that.
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
Yah but if you look like a walking trashcan with sh***y social skills, of course you're not going to have your standards so high. You'd probably be willing to date almost anyone who shows an interest.
You can do something about how you look and your social skills. How you look is easier to fix, but social skills are a learned skill as well. You actually described me to a t until I met some girls in school to decided to actually help me out and teach me how to look and act. They became best friends and I'm forever grateful. I still keep in touch with them. It was hard to do but I did it and even if you can't be great at it, you can be better than you are now.
Thats what gets me about a lot of people here who complain about being alone. They know whats wrong with them and why they aren't attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, but they just won't do anything about it, or they tried before and didn't see results fast enough so they quit. It takes a good bit of time and a lot of patience and dedication, but it's very worth it. Very worth it. I was so much worse than you could imagine back then and had so many problems too. I am not saying I learned to cure my AS or anything, not hardly. I learned to work around it and pass for NT and it became second nature. Now I don't even think about it, that's just who I am.
If you don't try to change anything about yourself then you will never get different results. The worst that can happen is that things will stay the same, but at least by trying something you have a chance for a different outcome. I just don't understand why people refuse to try.
or they try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try and try again, but still never get better. for example if whats wrong with them is that they are poor but they can't become rich. like say they ca't work and get ssi and they've tried to get work and gone to the government to get help after years of trying and still can't get work. what do you suggest that would magically make them rich.
oh and they ugly but it cost money to get plastic surgery. which they lack because of the above.
but yep we just lazy. anyone that isn't handsome, thin and rich is just lazy. sounds family isn't it the line the left and tea party says? is it some thing to make us feel bad for existing and wan to die, because it works. it makes not lazy people who just have a bad luck feel bad and think they lazy despite not being lazy.
That isn't what I said at all. Some things you can change and others you can't. You haven't yet heard ANY of the suggestions I would make for you, yet you have basically said you tried them over and over and failed and failed, and you also assumed you knew what they were. Here is a hint, they have nothing to do with anything you said. I've helped guys in your situation several times, and with good results. But you know what, you said you tried what I would have suggested and you failed. You also don't even seem interested in hearing what I would have suggested and I pretty much guarantee that you haven't tried this or any of the things I was going to say. However, you know best, and the fact that a couple of the guys I've helped were worse off than you, and aspie as well, won't matter.
So, write it off, blame my idea for your problems and let it be just another example of how everybody is so evil to you. Just forget all about the actual, real help and solutions I have been trying to get you to let me help you with and suggest and explain to you. Forget that they have worked and forget that you could have had at least a change for a somewhat better situation and life.
Just nevermind, you know it all and it's all terrible.
Enjoy your life, I'm not going to even try to get you to let me help you or make suggestions now. I've run out of patience and I haven't even gotten to explain or suggest one thing. Good luck, really.
well you already said in another thread you weren't going to help me so I'm confused ^o.o>
I am just tired of people accusing me of not doing anything or trying. so tired of being told how awful I am.
idk what you want from me. I suck at writing. been feeling super super depressed this week.
I had still held out hope that I might could get you into the right mindset to PM you and talk to you about some for real help that could do you a world of good. Mainly because I've been in a similar situation when I was younger and without somebody helping me I would never have had a life. It feels like the right thing to do, when you can help somebody to actually try to. But that ship sailed, and I've stopped hoping that you'll ever let me or anybody else help you because you won't really listen to anybody. There is always an excuse or a reason or something you saw on tv and think is real or read here and apply to the whole world, etc, so nothing I say or try to show you will do any good. You have to be willing to admit that maybe you were looking at things wrong and also be willing to take a chance on something somebody else suggests, that you aren't willing to do either. So thats why I finally said for real, no.
Of course a lot of people would say that they know what I was going to say or how or why it won't work, etc, but they don't know what I was going to say or do and they don't know that it wouldn't help because it has helped several people in similar situations to yours. Thats ok though. No biggie. And no, it's not some "just do it" Nike type thing, it's not a diet, it's not any kind of new age BS "think your reality" crap or anything like that.
Because they are different for everybody. And also it involves practice with someone who will spend their time helping you learn how to actually go about doing and saying certain things. It's not something as easy as following instructions. It's a very personal, one on one, tailored for the person who is needing the help thing. There are no "tips" or anything like that or even a particular "way" to go about it. Particular things that helped me may or may not help somebody else, and you try different ways until you find what helps them. It's not a program, it's an interactive thing between two people (adding more as time goes on) working toward one goal which will benefit the person who needs the help. Thats why.
You mean like the tailored help you gave me once on what the best course to become a male pornstar?
03 Jul 2015, 8:05 pm
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
03 Jul 2015, 9:31 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You wrote tremendous text walls already here, why don't you just spit these magical tips right here and right now? :p
You can do something about how you look and your social skills. How you look is easier to fix, but social skills are a learned skill as well. You actually described me to a t until I met some girls in school to decided to actually help me out and teach me how to look and act. They became best friends and I'm forever grateful. I still keep in touch with them. It was hard to do but I did it and even if you can't be great at it, you can be better than you are now.
Thats what gets me about a lot of people here who complain about being alone. They know whats wrong with them and why they aren't attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, but they just won't do anything about it, or they tried before and didn't see results fast enough so they quit. It takes a good bit of time and a lot of patience and dedication, but it's very worth it. Very worth it. I was so much worse than you could imagine back then and had so many problems too. I am not saying I learned to cure my AS or anything, not hardly. I learned to work around it and pass for NT and it became second nature. Now I don't even think about it, that's just who I am.
If you don't try to change anything about yourself then you will never get different results. The worst that can happen is that things will stay the same, but at least by trying something you have a chance for a different outcome. I just don't understand why people refuse to try.
or they try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try and try again, but still never get better. for example if whats wrong with them is that they are poor but they can't become rich. like say they ca't work and get ssi and they've tried to get work and gone to the government to get help after years of trying and still can't get work. what do you suggest that would magically make them rich.
oh and they ugly but it cost money to get plastic surgery. which they lack because of the above.
but yep we just lazy. anyone that isn't handsome, thin and rich is just lazy. sounds family isn't it the line the left and tea party says? is it some thing to make us feel bad for existing and wan to die, because it works. it makes not lazy people who just have a bad luck feel bad and think they lazy despite not being lazy.
That isn't what I said at all. Some things you can change and others you can't. You haven't yet heard ANY of the suggestions I would make for you, yet you have basically said you tried them over and over and failed and failed, and you also assumed you knew what they were. Here is a hint, they have nothing to do with anything you said. I've helped guys in your situation several times, and with good results. But you know what, you said you tried what I would have suggested and you failed. You also don't even seem interested in hearing what I would have suggested and I pretty much guarantee that you haven't tried this or any of the things I was going to say. However, you know best, and the fact that a couple of the guys I've helped were worse off than you, and aspie as well, won't matter.
So, write it off, blame my idea for your problems and let it be just another example of how everybody is so evil to you. Just forget all about the actual, real help and solutions I have been trying to get you to let me help you with and suggest and explain to you. Forget that they have worked and forget that you could have had at least a change for a somewhat better situation and life.
Just nevermind, you know it all and it's all terrible.
Enjoy your life, I'm not going to even try to get you to let me help you or make suggestions now. I've run out of patience and I haven't even gotten to explain or suggest one thing. Good luck, really.
well you already said in another thread you weren't going to help me so I'm confused ^o.o>
I am just tired of people accusing me of not doing anything or trying. so tired of being told how awful I am.
idk what you want from me. I suck at writing. been feeling super super depressed this week.
I had still held out hope that I might could get you into the right mindset to PM you and talk to you about some for real help that could do you a world of good. Mainly because I've been in a similar situation when I was younger and without somebody helping me I would never have had a life. It feels like the right thing to do, when you can help somebody to actually try to. But that ship sailed, and I've stopped hoping that you'll ever let me or anybody else help you because you won't really listen to anybody. There is always an excuse or a reason or something you saw on tv and think is real or read here and apply to the whole world, etc, so nothing I say or try to show you will do any good. You have to be willing to admit that maybe you were looking at things wrong and also be willing to take a chance on something somebody else suggests, that you aren't willing to do either. So thats why I finally said for real, no.
Of course a lot of people would say that they know what I was going to say or how or why it won't work, etc, but they don't know what I was going to say or do and they don't know that it wouldn't help because it has helped several people in similar situations to yours. Thats ok though. No biggie. And no, it's not some "just do it" Nike type thing, it's not a diet, it's not any kind of new age BS "think your reality" crap or anything like that.
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
Yah but if you look like a walking trashcan with sh***y social skills, of course you're not going to have your standards so high. You'd probably be willing to date almost anyone who shows an interest.
You can do something about how you look and your social skills. How you look is easier to fix, but social skills are a learned skill as well. You actually described me to a t until I met some girls in school to decided to actually help me out and teach me how to look and act. They became best friends and I'm forever grateful. I still keep in touch with them. It was hard to do but I did it and even if you can't be great at it, you can be better than you are now.
Thats what gets me about a lot of people here who complain about being alone. They know whats wrong with them and why they aren't attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, but they just won't do anything about it, or they tried before and didn't see results fast enough so they quit. It takes a good bit of time and a lot of patience and dedication, but it's very worth it. Very worth it. I was so much worse than you could imagine back then and had so many problems too. I am not saying I learned to cure my AS or anything, not hardly. I learned to work around it and pass for NT and it became second nature. Now I don't even think about it, that's just who I am.
If you don't try to change anything about yourself then you will never get different results. The worst that can happen is that things will stay the same, but at least by trying something you have a chance for a different outcome. I just don't understand why people refuse to try.
or they try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try and try again, but still never get better. for example if whats wrong with them is that they are poor but they can't become rich. like say they ca't work and get ssi and they've tried to get work and gone to the government to get help after years of trying and still can't get work. what do you suggest that would magically make them rich.
oh and they ugly but it cost money to get plastic surgery. which they lack because of the above.
but yep we just lazy. anyone that isn't handsome, thin and rich is just lazy. sounds family isn't it the line the left and tea party says? is it some thing to make us feel bad for existing and wan to die, because it works. it makes not lazy people who just have a bad luck feel bad and think they lazy despite not being lazy.
That isn't what I said at all. Some things you can change and others you can't. You haven't yet heard ANY of the suggestions I would make for you, yet you have basically said you tried them over and over and failed and failed, and you also assumed you knew what they were. Here is a hint, they have nothing to do with anything you said. I've helped guys in your situation several times, and with good results. But you know what, you said you tried what I would have suggested and you failed. You also don't even seem interested in hearing what I would have suggested and I pretty much guarantee that you haven't tried this or any of the things I was going to say. However, you know best, and the fact that a couple of the guys I've helped were worse off than you, and aspie as well, won't matter.
So, write it off, blame my idea for your problems and let it be just another example of how everybody is so evil to you. Just forget all about the actual, real help and solutions I have been trying to get you to let me help you with and suggest and explain to you. Forget that they have worked and forget that you could have had at least a change for a somewhat better situation and life.
Just nevermind, you know it all and it's all terrible.
Enjoy your life, I'm not going to even try to get you to let me help you or make suggestions now. I've run out of patience and I haven't even gotten to explain or suggest one thing. Good luck, really.
well you already said in another thread you weren't going to help me so I'm confused ^o.o>
I am just tired of people accusing me of not doing anything or trying. so tired of being told how awful I am.
idk what you want from me. I suck at writing. been feeling super super depressed this week.
I had still held out hope that I might could get you into the right mindset to PM you and talk to you about some for real help that could do you a world of good. Mainly because I've been in a similar situation when I was younger and without somebody helping me I would never have had a life. It feels like the right thing to do, when you can help somebody to actually try to. But that ship sailed, and I've stopped hoping that you'll ever let me or anybody else help you because you won't really listen to anybody. There is always an excuse or a reason or something you saw on tv and think is real or read here and apply to the whole world, etc, so nothing I say or try to show you will do any good. You have to be willing to admit that maybe you were looking at things wrong and also be willing to take a chance on something somebody else suggests, that you aren't willing to do either. So thats why I finally said for real, no.
Of course a lot of people would say that they know what I was going to say or how or why it won't work, etc, but they don't know what I was going to say or do and they don't know that it wouldn't help because it has helped several people in similar situations to yours. Thats ok though. No biggie. And no, it's not some "just do it" Nike type thing, it's not a diet, it's not any kind of new age BS "think your reality" crap or anything like that.
Because they are different for everybody. And also it involves practice with someone who will spend their time helping you learn how to actually go about doing and saying certain things. It's not something as easy as following instructions. It's a very personal, one on one, tailored for the person who is needing the help thing. There are no "tips" or anything like that or even a particular "way" to go about it. Particular things that helped me may or may not help somebody else, and you try different ways until you find what helps them. It's not a program, it's an interactive thing between two people (adding more as time goes on) working toward one goal which will benefit the person who needs the help. Thats why.
You mean like the tailored help you gave me once on what the best course to become a male pornstar?
No, that was a silly FB discussion. I'm talking about actual help. I think that discussion started when you sent me a couple of penis pictures out of the blue too. Didn't you send those to my friend as well?
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
03 Jul 2015, 9:33 pm
Spiderpig wrote:
Porn stars are interesting people.
I don't know any stars lol. I know a guy who did porn before though.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
03 Jul 2015, 9:45 pm
kraftiekortie wrote:
I still hope you could help Sly.
There is could and would. I think I could help him somewhat, and that might even be just a little bit and less than what I'd like to do, if he would be open minded and willing to try and went along with me on it. However, I can't help someone who wants to blame everybody else for his situation, refuses to listen and is rude when you try and point out that his his assumptions aren't always true and who doesn't seem to want to believe that he could do something about any part of it at all. I also won't take the time and trouble to try to help someone who is rude to not only me but to others who try and make suggestions and also who has such a defeatist attitude that they talk to you like you are a complete idiot to even suggest something. After being put down for suggestions, you think I'm going to spend my time working hard with somebody who will find ten thousand reasons to shoot down every single thing I say? Nope, there is a difference between feeling like you are stuck in a crappy situation and having a crappy attitude that you defend tooth and nail to keep and prove. Both of the guys I helped were very negative, but they didn't have that attitude and they were willing to at least try something. Neither thought it would actually do much good but they also knew that without trying it they would never know and they both knew that there was a small possibility that it might. It ended up helping somewhat.
It's a long process, it takes months and months and a lot of hard mental work on their part and lots of encouragement and discussion etc on my part and a whole bunch of my time. These two guys became good friends of mine and I didn't mind doing that at all but I'm damned if I'm wasting my time on somebody who is a know it all about how bad the future will be and rude and dismissive to anybody who doesn't share their doom shouting prophesy. Also, he seems to blame a lot of it on women in general so any failure would be blamed on my vagina probably.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
04 Jul 2015, 1:39 am
04 Jul 2015, 3:39 pm
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
04 Jul 2015, 5:45 pm
rdos wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Also, my friends didn't just "Eliza Doolittle" me and make me over, they had to help me with the deeper things that AS causes like helping me understand things differently and push past the things that would literally freeze me up, etc. So it's a lot more than just a makeover. It's not the same thing as "helping a shy or nerdy kid change". Not at all. If it were that easy then all the trying that people do on their own would help. I'm not stupid nor shallow, the stuff caused by AS takes a lot of time to help and isn't easily changed the way other stuff is.
Ok, that sounds good. However, if you know this stuff, you should present it in detail in some form so that people can use it for self-help or in programs aimed at autistics. It is only this way that you can make a difference, and if your methods really works, you would do a lot of good to many people.
So, don't get me wrong. I'm all for people understanding the complexity of this. I'm just not sure that it is even possible to "cure" the neurodiverse relationship issues, but there are certainly ways to make them less problematic. I know that too from personal experience, even if I primarily claim that people should keep their natural way of forming relationships because this works as a selection method to find compatible people instead of ending up with NTs that you don't fit with.
OliveOilMom wrote:
I don't expect you to believe me, and it's no magic cure by any means. It's simply a way to help, and it shouldn't seem to offend people that it exists. It's also VERY time and labor intensive on both parts, so it's not something that can just be explained and taken up on a whim.
But if it can't be explained then it is impossible to use it to help autistic people, and we are back to a few cases that you personally might be able to help.
It can be explained but there is so much to it. Not just superficial things like working on details of what you say and how you say it and your tone and how you walk and look at people and move, etc. It's also about what you are thinking and why you are assuming something and what other possibilities there might be. Also learning to guess and eventually figure out what other people are meaning and body language and etc etc etc. Learning how to stop certain thought patterns and purposefully think something else that you don't really believe right then but eventually do (ie; that lady is probably not mad at me, she's never even spoken to me, she's probably just in a bad mood) and (I'm such a loser this won't work I'm going to screw it up) etc. Learning how to push yourself to do something when you are terrified. Hiding feelings that would make others uncomfortable, how to deal with sensory problems long enough to stay in a certain situation for a few minutes or however long you are needing, etc etc etc. Also, not everybody needs all these things, and some need these and more. I know I did.
I say I can't explain it because it would literally take a small book to go over every detail of everything and even then it wouldn't work unless you had someone to practice with for talking to, and someone to help with visual things, etc. Also lots of support and encouragement while trying all this stuff. If I'm going to sit down and write a book, it's going to be a novel. I have a few ideas, I just don't have the patience.
But yes, this works. The ways to learn to change how you think are the important parts because without that you won't do any of the rest of it and you won't do it wholeheartedly, so nothing will work. It's no cure and no gimmick nor some million dollar solution. It's just a way to work around the problems you have from the AS. My friends taught me the makeover type stuff and explained how other people think and what they mean and gave me details of why something is freaky or creepy or gross to do, etc, but I came up with my own ways to change the thinking that was causing me a lot of problems. That was the main thing that helped, because without that I never would have done anything. Also, I didn't know I had AS back then, I thought I was just weird. Nobody knew about it so I had no idea why I might not be able to be normal.
The thing is, a lot of it has to be tailored to the person and what they need to change and work on. There is no set list of that or anything like that. I doubt writing it down would help many people unless there was somebody else there who understood it too and also understood the whole "NT world and way of thinking" to explain that as well in great detail and particular circumstance. Just because we understand it in theory doesn't mean we can pick up on every situation or even a whole lot of them.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
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