Being manipulative

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How many here have been manipulative? I was when I was in 3rd grade, according to one report (changed to first person):

They said that my "bad" behavior, which involved acting up on a bus, and apparently also what I aimed for with that behavior was of "great concern." They found that it meant I knew how to plan.

I have a vague recollection of this, but I knew the reason: That so-called "fun" activity didn't seem fun to me at all. It seemed like it'd be noisy, have a whole bunch of kids running, and otherwise offend my sensorium. I preferred the quiet study hall so I could read some books I liked. I figured I wouldn't get caught cuz after all, what kind of kid would want to give up this wonderful "fun" activity? As far as I knew, I was the only kid in the whole wide world who would have preferred the quiet study hall to the supposedly fun activity. I didn't think that even my special ed teachers knew that.

If autistic/Asperger syndrome people were manipulative then we all would be millionaires by now or even richer. Why allistic people treat AS and autistic people as though we suffer from some severe neurotypical spectrum condition such as a 'hyper allism' which is all nonsense. It is what allistic people throw back in conflict and then accuse you of taking it the wrong way rather than the other way round.

I was very manipulative when I was younger.
I was a really shy kid, but with my parents, I always wanted to be the centre of attention. A few years later I figured out that if I just threw a tantrum, I could pretty much get whatever I wanted from them.
It's something that I'm definitely not proud of, but I was just a kid at the time, so I didn't really know any better.

I always found short cuts so in school I learned that shouting gets the teacher's attention so I did that in school. When I was 16, I thought if I could have ODD, I would get my way and my anxiety wouldn't be so bad anymore and I would be calmer and happier and be more relaxed but it backfired. Not something I am proud of but I was very confused and having so much anxiety and having a new puppy made it all worse because he wouldn't quit peeing in the house and no one was willing to watch him to train him. I wished I knew the solution then to the problem and that would have been keeping him with me at all times and have him in his crate and take him outside every 15 minutes and that may have broken him. but I was 16 and knew nothing about doing research online nor knew how and I thought the dog was evil and was just doing it because he didn't want to go outside. After all he would obviously hold it and wait until he was inside to go because he would do it right when he would come inside. I also felt abandoned so that made me act worse too so I resorted to having ODD because I saw how Frankie was in control of his mother and how he always got his way for it so I tried it and it backfired so I couldn't understand why he could do it and I couldn't.

When I was seven, my mom stuck her watch on me and told me when the hand gets to a number, we will go so I move the time forward slowly and then show her the time and we leave.

I also remember my brother grabbed me and my mom seemed to justify it by telling me I had his rubber bat so he did that so I thought if there is something I want and a kid has it, grab them and scare them and they will give it to me. My mom and dad sure had to be careful how they taught me things because I always seemed to learn short cuts.

I also used to get my brothers in trouble for revenge. I would do things and say they did it but most of the time I was always caught.


I remember my mother taking computer away for 3 weeks so I did the silent treatment because I was so mad at her. My therapist told me that was being manipulative.

When my dad got a new puppy after the other one died, I threatened to abuse it if they let it pee all over the house so they did pay attention to the new animal and she was house trained in no time. I just didn't want to live that pissy lifestyle again so I used that threat.

When I want my husband to help out with parenting and he is just on his computer and won't get up to help and just keeps handing the kids back to me, I threaten child abuse ad bam he finally gets off his ass and helps out. Words are useless so using the child abuse threat gets through to him. That tells him how I am so stressed out I am feeling I am heading that way.

My mom sometimes accused me of being manipulative when I was a kid but I don't think I was. I think it was a case of her not understanding my issues & me trying to get my needs met.

No, I don't think I've ever been manipulative, apart from withholding the truth from time to time, and I wouldn't even do that unless it was important to me that I got a particular result. If I'm supposed to be a person's friend, I'd feel very guilty if I thought I'd manipulated them, and I hate feeling guilty. I like to do as I would be done by, and if I get so much as a whiff of anybody trying to manipulate me, I feel angry. I don't mind a bit of concealment if it's temporary and not essentially competitive, e.g. watching a conjuring trick, or being deceived so that I can get a birthday gift as a nice surprise, but go much beyond that and I'll be cross.

Yes, I have especially in childhood when I wasn't fully aware of the consequences of my actions.
Now I just try and do what I expect of others.
And be truthful whilst also being careful of how I say things to not upset people. Because I am "blunt"

We all try to get things we want. Whether we are viewed as manipulative depends how acceptable our wishes and ways of trying to get them are seen as being by other people.

Being truly manipulative means you're able to manipulate others, which is not something most people on the spectrum excel at. Being seen as manipulative means people see you as trying to get something they don't think you should have. If you'd been asking for help when the teacher felt you didn't need it that would be labeled manipulative, if you were perceived as needing help and used the same behavior and words to get it, that would not be labeled manipulative. And if you asked for study hall directly and were felt to need it that would have been ok with the adults, too. I'm not saying manipulation doesn't exist, just that what it is seems pretty complicated to figure out, to me anyway.

i have been accused of being manipulative so many times! i am not aware of consciously manipulating situations or people to bend to my wishes. that idea seems really difficult to comprehend tbh

I tend to manipulate people for my own good but then theres the guilt trip.