Good places to meet young women without a social circle?

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AspieOtaku
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02 Aug 2015, 12:56 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Hm, I like that idea.
I bet you thought I was just going to say the kitchen and thats it and get people all scowling and such hehe.


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Spiderpig
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02 Aug 2015, 1:09 pm

I did before reading the rest of your post. Be careful---the chances that someone will get upset are pretty high :)


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AspieOtaku
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02 Aug 2015, 1:18 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
I did before reading the rest of your post. Be careful---the chances that someone will get upset are pretty high :)
Maybe I should have said bakery instead a lot of women work at the bakery I notice. Baking cookies making pastries and cakes.


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sly279
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02 Aug 2015, 6:20 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
MissMee wrote:
Good places to meet single girls include ballroom dancing classes (Latin or Standard, there are never enough guys for partnering), adult beginner's ballet or gymnastics and any kind of arts/crafts class (pottery, knitting, embroidery, etc). All of these are venues where you will see the same people week after week.


The few times I've been somewhere remotely looking like those places, I just felt out of place. If there aren't enough guys for partnering, it's probably for a good reason.

MissMee wrote:
However, not having friends (and thus no social circle) suggests your social skills might be the problem. If so, addressing that issue first (making friends, usually easier than finding a romantic relationship) is probably the way to go.


Then you can spend your whole life stuck with the impossible goal of making friends, so you'll never even try to date.


yeah theres a reason guys dont' take dancing classes. its not a common guy interest. so is creating a relationship through lies good. as soon as you start dating you're going to stop going to the dance class as its not something you like doing or are interested in. seems like a terrible idea to me unless you're just after sex.



sly279
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02 Aug 2015, 6:22 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
The kitchen?......I mean get a job working in a kitchen and meet women there. They like a man who can cook especially a chef!

dishwasher?

one goes to college her to be a cook. so you can't just walk in off the street and cook. closet you're get is dishwasher.
people like their food cooked by actual trained chefs sadly.



rdos
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03 Aug 2015, 5:38 am

sly279 wrote:
yeah theres a reason guys dont' take dancing classes. its not a common guy interest. so is creating a relationship through lies good. as soon as you start dating you're going to stop going to the dance class as its not something you like doing or are interested in. seems like a terrible idea to me unless you're just after sex.


:roll:

So what you mean is that you don't care to study a girl interest. I suspect what you mean to say is that you are not prepared to put down any effort in order to find girls. Maybe expect spamming them on OkC then?

I suppose you want them to knock on your door and offer a relationship? :roll:

Besides, dancing is fun, and if you are good at it girls will get crushes on you just by dancing with you. Isn't that what you want? No questions about your job, income or where you live.



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03 Aug 2015, 8:14 am

To me, dancing classes would be a very extravagant luxury. Besides, I can't shake the feeling that anything that makes meeting women any easier than it needs to be is an attempt to cheat nature and therefore wrong. It's hard for a reason; namely, because it's part of the process of weeding out the weak.


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rdos
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03 Aug 2015, 9:45 am

Spiderpig wrote:
To me, dancing classes would be a very extravagant luxury. Besides, I can't shake the feeling that anything that makes meeting women any easier than it needs to be is an attempt to cheat nature and therefore wrong. It's hard for a reason; namely, because it's part of the process of weeding out the weak.


Possibly, but then neurodiverse courtship is completely different from the NT-variant so you really aren't cheating on nature by following the neurodiverse version. Not that dancing is the version, only that it seems to facilitate it.



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03 Aug 2015, 2:35 pm

sly279 wrote:
yeah theres a reason guys dont' take dancing classes. its not a common guy interest. so is creating a relationship through lies good. as soon as you start dating you're going to stop going to the dance class as its not something you like doing or are interested in. seems like a terrible idea to me unless you're just after sex.

Not necessarily. The stereotype about good dancers being good in bed isn't completely false. Many women believe that about men. I used to resent that stereotype. But after taking dance classes on and off since 2003, I went from resenting it to flat-out not wanting to date women who can't or don't like to dance. The ones who can't dance but want to learn are fine, though.

Also, partner dancing teaches you the concept of physical boundaries in a fun way, as well as the simple fact that not all touch has to be sexual, also in a fun way. I also use partner dancing to test how a woman responds to me. If she recoils at the simple act of me taking her by the hand, then she either has boundary issues or finds me disgusting. Neither is a good thing.



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03 Aug 2015, 3:34 pm

I know you won't like some of these answers but here they are.

1. Tinder. The advantage of this is that there are a ton of girls using it. The downside is that if you're not very attractive, you probably won't have much success and the girl you like probably has 10 other guys competing for her. Alternatively if you're too shy to talk to girls, you can get Bumble where it's just like Tinder but only the women have to initiate the message first. You should at least give one of these a try. They both require an Iphone with IOS with Bumble requiring IOS 8.

2. Online dating, long distance relationships. Wrong Planet isn't the place since there's hardly any girls here. I don't really know your age but if you're 24 and under, you can try more popular forums such as Social Anxiety Forums where there are a ton of girls there you can try to talk to. Aspergers and Social Anxiety have similarities so they're more likely to understand your quirks. The downside to online dating is that you're likely not going to see her in real life for a long time.

3. At work. But this really all depends on where you work.

4. School. Go off to college and go meet some beautiful young women.

5. Church? Assuming you're religious, you could meet some girls here. These girls arne't looking for 1-night stands usually.



There's plenty of places to meet women and you never know, some girl could come along that you really like and is compatible. And when she does come around, you have to be ready to make a move before some other guy does it. (And trust me, there will be other guys if she's attractive enough)



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04 Aug 2015, 12:47 am

You can meet someone special, anywhere, at any time, but if you are actually looking for the best places to meet them, here are a couple ideas:

1. You could meet someone at your work, or through someone there. This might not always be the best idea, depending on the situation, but it is an option. My two cents on this: I wouldn't date someone I worked closely with, on a regular basis.

2. You could meet them where they work, or where they frequent (retail shop, restaurant, bank, laundromat, etc.).

3. Take your dog (if you have one) for a walk down the street.

4. Got any cute neighbors? :wink:

5. Make sure you are out doing things you honestly love doing. This is the best way to meet compatible people.



cathylynn
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04 Aug 2015, 1:06 am

rdos wrote:
MissMee wrote:
Good places to meet single girls include ballroom dancing classes (Latin or Standard, there are never enough guys for partnering), adult beginner's ballet or gymnastics and any kind of arts/crafts class (pottery, knitting, embroidery, etc). All of these are venues where you will see the same people week after week.


Exactly, and because you meet the same time week after week you don't need to go up to them and ask for a date. It works just as well to learn to know each others as part of the activities.

MissMee wrote:
However, not having friends (and thus no social circle) suggests your social skills might be the problem. If so, addressing that issue first (making friends, usually easier than finding a romantic relationship) is probably the way to go.


Disagree. Friends and relationships have nothing in common, so you learn nothing from friendships that you can use for relationships. It's just a total waste. Social skills also have no importance if you are neurodiverse looking for other neurodiverse people, as the skills needed for neurodiverse relationships are completely different from NT social skills.

i disagree strongly, rdos. my husband and i are best friends and were friends before we dated. many of the same qualities are needed in friendships and romantic relationships. examples are reliability and reciprocity.



rdos
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04 Aug 2015, 1:21 am

cathylynn wrote:
i disagree strongly, rdos. my husband and i are best friends and were friends before we dated. many of the same qualities are needed in friendships and romantic relationships. examples are reliability and reciprocity.


Those qualities should be enforced by the attachment process in a romantic relationship while they are learnt/faked in a friendship. I don't trust people that need to learn that in the context of a relationship. It feels really fake, and that I might get abandoned at any time when the game ends. When it is enforced in the attachment process I feel more secure as the girl cannot easily just move on.



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04 Aug 2015, 1:28 am

rdos wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
i disagree strongly, rdos. my husband and i are best friends and were friends before we dated. many of the same qualities are needed in friendships and romantic relationships. examples are reliability and reciprocity.


Those qualities should be enforced by the attachment process in a romantic relationship while they are learnt/faked in a friendship. I don't trust people that need to learn that in the context of a relationship. It feels really fake, and that I might get abandoned at any time when the game ends. When it is enforced in the attachment process I feel more secure as the girl cannot easily just move on.

i have never faked any qualities in a friendship and doubt that many others have. you have a jaundiced view of friendship and romance. what do you mean "enforced by the attachment process"?



rdos
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04 Aug 2015, 4:16 am

cathylynn wrote:
i have never faked any qualities in a friendship and doubt that many others have. you have a jaundiced view of friendship and romance.


But if you learn how to socialize with friends, I have no way of knowing if you are sincere or just playing a game with me. In a friendship I'm not very sensitive to that as I think friendships only exists as long as there is a mutual interest, and when this no longer is the case, then I can easily move on. Not so for relationships as when I've become attached to a girl, I simply cannot move on just like that. Thus, friendships and relationships are completely different for me.

cathylynn wrote:
what do you mean "enforced by the attachment process"?


It means it is a natural process for the girl to be reliable and to reciprocate once she has become attached, and not just a game. I also test this in the flirting phase so nobody that doesn't have those qualities will pass it.



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04 Aug 2015, 2:05 pm

Libraries?


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