Advice for OK Cupid Profiles

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I wish I had a "Like" button for this! It isn't that hard to write a decent first message, but it does wonders to boost first impressions. I've gotten a few "Hi" messages myself, some from women that actually look like decent matches, but for the most part I just ignore them. - and if I'm ignoring them as someone who doesn't get very many unsolicited messages, imagine how someone who gets quite a few will feel. I have a pretty high response rate also, and I'm certainly no supermodel or millionaire. It's largely because I only send out messages to people who I truly have a good amount in common with, and I take the time to make the message thoughtful and show some interest, but still keep it short and simple. When I message people that I don't have that much in common with, I have almost a 0% response rate, largely because they can see the lack of commonality also.

well as stated above apparently longer messages are seen as creepy. so if you write a short hi one you bad if you right a longer one you bad. so seems men are just abad.

1. so many women's advice is just to give up stop trying leave women alone you worthless creepy man. that or they ingore your real problems and say you makign them all up. also what aboutu those men who can't change their problems not all problems and issues can be fixed. get real.

2.sending no impersonal messages are seen as creepy. its a no win situation messaging women either she'll like you regardless of what you said or she not like you and deem any message from you as creepy. it all depends on your proflie picture.

3. see above. I wrote long messages and a woman few posts up said thats creepy. so if you if you do you're creepy if you don't you treat people like crap. so how does one do right?

all the responses I ever got were from high how are you.
its like flirting you're flirting with them by sending that message, if they find you interesting they'll message back. same if you walk up to a girl in a bar and say hi how are you.

so women can complain but men can't? that what you're saying it sounds like.

4. no them posting on here and on theiir profiles about how they are owed stuff means they think they owed stuff. COMPANIONSHIP. that is all either person should bring to the relationship. its all women say they bring but then they want to know the physical skills, money and objects you bring to the relationship. so tired of being asked that. so I have to be a woman s in house slave to be in a relationship but all she has to do is bring herself? if you want to know if a guy can fix stuff, or cook or clean or what he electronics he brings. you're interviewing for a house maid or a butler not a bf.

5. so its ok for them to assume and generalize all men will argue witht hem and so not give each man the chance and benefit of the doubt and respect them as humans.I forget only women can generalize and assume men can't that's evil but women are right to do so. its the sam with the all men are only at it for sex thing.

6. you mean avoid women who see it for how it is rather then avoid the reality and spread lies. yeah no I prefer those women, only when you accept there's a problem can you fix it. ignoring the problem won't help.
it does when you don't improve for yourself but for how others think and say you should. telling a guy to do ____ is not him self improving as hes not doing it because he wants to or for himself. hes doing it to get your and other women's approval. he won't be himself anymore but what those women like. thats a horrible way to live and won't last long til he goes back to being himself then the woman will leave.

PS women play the numbers game too.

Ever hear the story of Goldilocks and the three bears?

A super-long message is kind of creepy, and a super-short one suggests that you have no interest in the person. The middle ground is best, somewhere between 3-5 sentences with a question or two interspersed in there, to show that you read their profile and are interested in getting to know them better.

thats bearly enough time to talk about yourself non less include stuff to show you read their post/profile.

Sure, there are women who play numbers games, and I ignore them. They still don't compare to the number of men who do it, and they don't make it okay either.

It is hardly an impossible feat to find the balance between a message that is too long and too short. Examples of first messages I've sent and gotten responses for (each one is referencing parts of the recipients' profiles, so they look odd out of context):

I should also note that almost every girl I've talked to on okc is rated as "Replies Very Selectively". I'm not an attractive guy. I've got man-boobs. My zits turn into months long facial scabs that I can't stop picking at. I don't make much money in my glamorous data entry clerk job. If you cynically think women are only judging you by how attractive you are or how much money you make, instead of what a 'nice guy' you are... it's probably because you're not really a nice guy and it shows.

If you yourself are only getting messages that say, "Hi, how are you?" then maybe your profile just doesn't offer others much to talk about.


This is entirely a problem of perception. 100%. If this is what you're getting out of the advice women offer in these threads, you are just plain misreading or making up false context. Also, companionship is not the only thing that makes a relationship. That's the kind of naive thing I believed in high school.


It's not an assumption or generalization. When a woman rejects a guy and he responds by throwing a fit and making assumptions about why she rejected him (e.g. claiming she only cares about looks and money), that is dehumanizing. A woman might ignore you because she's been conditioned to avoid that conflict. She also might ignore you because it's just easier. That's her right. It's your right to ignore people too. The only reason you think it's so easy to reply to every message is because you've never come close to enduring what some of these women do.
Don't want to be generalized as a man? Stop proving the generalizations to be true.

Have you ever heard of Pro-Ana or Pro-Mia websites? They're communities where people with anorexia or bulimia go to tell each other that they don't have a problem. They argue against straw men, and promote their unhealthy lifestyle in a bubble of ignorance.
That is what I see in a lot of these dating threads. Men telling each other they don't have a problem, reading their own context in what women say, and making generalizations and assumptions about women while complaining that women make generalizations and assumption about them. How is it working out for you? Are you improving your dating life by participating in it, or are you just becoming more bitter and cynical? Really, stop and think about whether it's actually helping you or working against you. I know I'm being a jerk, but with all the bull flying around, it takes a heavy blade to cut through the nonsense.
I used to be one of those "nice guys" who got "friend-zoned" and was "never given a chance" by women. I was also WRONG. I'm not going to relapse into who I was before. I didn't improve "for the women". I learned new information. I became a person I respected more. I improved for me.

women's numbers game is to sit and get hundreds of messages. and be picky through those. thats their numbers games. how do you ignore them? you have no way of knowing they doing it though most do. and they dont' send messages.

OMG FOR THE LAST TIME. I don't talk to women. i get this from them posint " only message me if you have a decent paying job.

omfg I should just put that in my sig, so tired of having to repeat it. everyoen assumes I talk to these women and they reject me so it must just be that I'm a horrible person. no can't be that they'll the horrible person nope blame the guy its always the guys fault.

fyi , all the women who arne' superficial and actually talk to me say I'm a nice guy. people I met in person say I'm a nice guy. people here say it too, well the nice ones.

or maybe they dont' even look at my profile. most don't visti my proflie. one okc tells you when people visit. two i get messages asking how much money I make, well its laid out right on my profile. sign 2 that they don't' read profiles. yep women don't read profiles too. the few likes I get are all the same. they liked me either on accident or they some of the few women who think i don't look ugly, but I'm not good enough nor meat their standards. which they'd know if they read my profile.

why isn't never the woman? why does everyone blame the guy. if a woman kicks a guy randomly is it her or his fault?

no that's called love. love is loving someone despite everything else. so if hes poor and fat you still love him. if he gets shot and goes blind you still love him. at least real love works that way. fake love is loving soemoen only in good times and only for what they have. this is why when a middle class guy loses his job the wife leaves him. she married his job not him.

if you only marry a guy because he can cook for you and clean your house what does that make him? can I only date a woman if they look like a model? no thats bad nearly every woman on here will say thats bad. well dating men for only what they can give you is bad too.

some men do. not all men do. most men just go after the next woman and the next til one accepts them. a small few throw fits, those are more likely to be on dating sites. you can't assume because some men do that all men do. I don't many men don't. its also my right to walk around flipping people off. I don't do it because its disrespectful. I can also go on forums and reddit and call women fat but thats not nice and disrespectful . theres a lot fo mean and hurtful things one has a right to do, that most people don't do so spare me its their right thing. doing something thats mean just because you can doesn't make it the right thing to do. thats the same logic some rapist use to justifiy them raping women. they do it because they can.

they get off the dating site. if you can't stand the heat stay out of the fire. they are women. they know going onto a site of mostly men means they going to get lots of attention. some love it.

again I and others do not throw a tanturm at women. coming here and complaing is not us messaging them back and cursing at them. so most men don't do that. so you're generalizing men.

what all we do is talk about our problems and why we are doomed to be forever alone you ack like this is a pua site.

nothing will improve my dating life but a 20+ or more job but thats not going to happen so I can hold my feeling inside me and let you and others live yoeur pefect happy life with our SO, and one day snap or we can let it out and talk about it on a support forum. you don't have to come here and read our threads. go enjoy your happylife.

it helps because it lets me vent instead of holding the daily dose of hurt in day after day after day for years. isnt' that what a support site is for. this is the area for dating and relationship problems. welp I have dating and relationshps problems so I come and post about them.
why dont' you just leave us alone. but we wont' be silent so you can live in make beleive world where no one has troubles and everyone happy. I get it seeing others suffer makes your'e happiness slightly worse. but we don't live to please you.

did you wake up one day with zero hearing from thers and decide to impfove or did you get the ideas of improving from others. if the latter you improved for others. if you just woke up one day and the idea came to you in your dreams based on nothing from anyone else then you self improved. if I work my but off to get a job I don't want or to make my body into a shape I didn't want thats not self improvement because I dont' like or want those things for myself those are done to please other people.

probably best we just agree to disagree. I'd prefer not to get super depressed over this. I'm having a somewhat neutral day.

Bearly enough! Best typo ever! Yep, it's "bearly" enough. It's just right.

Either is bad, yes..writing something personal, short or humorous is usually the best approach. Sly, it is numbers game for guys like us, that's what people on this thread do not realize. You could really like a girl and write a great message but it could go straight over their heads with the other five hundred messages in their inbox.

Dating is a numbers game and a shallow one at that if you are using one of the free meat market sites, get that through your head, JT. Some women aren't even in on it seriously, some are just seeking validation and attention from others.

Sly, you would be better off with a paid site.

+1 on dating being a numbers game. Always has been, always will be.

Think about it--the odds of anyone ending up with one particular person are NEVER in that person's favor. Pretend for a second you have the means to go out with every single moos in the United States. First of all, having money and unlimited access to travel and entertainment will NOT guarantee that every person you ask out will accept a date with you. Strike one. Second, EVEN IF you succeed in asking out literally millions of moos and are going out on two dates a DAY, it doesn't mean that every single moos is datable material for you. Strike two. Third, EVEN IF after going out with several thousand moos who ARE datable, you're not guaranteed that any of those are LTR material for you. Strike three. Fourth, EVEN IF you manage to scrape up a few hundred moos who are potential relationship material, you have no guarantees that any of those are even interested in a relationship with you. Strike four. And finally, EVEN IF you manage to find at least 100 moos who WOULD accept a serious relationship with you, well, 1) you aren't assured a relationship will work out, and, most importantly, 2) EVEN IF one relationship DOES work out, you yourself have purposefully and systematically eliminated all other possibilities for future relationships.

I mean…we're talking about hypothetically going through millions of folks just to find ONE relationship that's going to last long-term. Literally one in a million. Terrible odds. And any time you look at one person you like and make it your goal to only establish a LTR with THAT person, you're setting yourself up for failure. It simply isn't going to happen. It's probabilistically unrealistic.

The only thing you ARE guaranteed is that the more people you become acquainted with and ask out, the more likely AT LEAST ONE person will accept a date and potentially a relationship with you. If you really had the means and the opportunity to entertain a large number of moos, there will be AT LEAST ONE you can have a relationship with. Granted, you can somewhat "cheat" the system, take a few shortcuts, and not date so many people while keeping an eye out for those you feel confident you could get into a relationship with. But left to pure random chance, no matter what you do, if you ask out 100 person and your goal is a long-term monogamous relationship, either at least 99 of those will reject you or you'll reject at least 99 of them. The advantage you have in asking out large numbers of people is that it boosts the chances of finding AT LEAST ONE person to a near-certainty. For MY purposes, that is acceptable.

Because this was a good thread. It lasted about 1 page before being assimilated into the foreverlonely Borg.
You guys can't invade every thread that offers alternative advice and claim victimhood. Why can't this be a safe space for women to discuss dating issues too? Why must a good thread such as how this one began become host to another anti-women discussion?
I've suffered through dating difficulties and still do. Can the rest of us have a few threads where we can share what we've learned about dating, and actually try to help others on the spectrum without having to become like every other thread?

well pretty sure this thread was a response to my dating proflie lol.

maybe if you were actually trying to help us. telling us to do stuff like write longer messages assumes we've never tired that. just like most the people who say they want to help always asssume its the guys fault and were' total losers. every assumes I'm not trying to find work, that I'm not trying to lose wieght, that I don't try to talk to women etc. lots of assumptions. if you really want to help people its best to not just assume stuff about them and actually try to deal what they've done and how to help them. nerdygirl actually seems to want to help the men here, cant say that for everyone here.

yes but paid sites are for well paid people, thats why it works the women going there know all the guys on there are well paid if they can afford to spend 60 a month o 1 or more dating sites. mean if you joing a few you talking like hundreds of dollars. thousands or more a year.

some are also just there to play games and mess with lonely guys.

though I've messaged back in forth with like 10ish women so there are some who are there to find a match on free sites. though most would seem better off on paid sites as they want well paid guys.