Histrionic Personality Disorder!?!?!

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Does anyone have any experience dating someone with histrionic personality disorder?

I am 23. I have dated 10 or so girls in my life. I have never been interested in any sort of commitment. I do not consider myself super experienced in any respect... most of my "experiences" were very natural though. I would see these girls, we would hang out a bit and we would usually go our own ways. No harm no foul.

4 months ago I met some girl at my friend's birthday party. She came on to me strong, giving me her number, demanding to know where I live, etc. I refused to give her my number or my Facebook. She found me on Facebook the next day nonetheless and started talking to me. We started talking a bit and she was saying how 90% of guys are "douches" and how all her boyfriends treated her like s**t (yes I know... huge red flags!).

I decided to hang out with her...

First Date: We go on a hike. She comes dressed in leopard print tights, leopard print boots, cleavage all over the place, hoops... talk about sexually seductive. Much to her dismay I do not find flagrant displays of sexuality very attractive. In all honesty I would have much preferred her come in sweatpants. This was my mistake though as HPDs love the chase. She told me how she had tried to kidnap a baby at 13 years of age, how she was an arsonist, talking about skipping BC...

Second Date: I slept with her - but just that. I feared escalating with her considering her talk of skipping BC and her obsession with babies (she would send me selfies of her with random babies everyday). She showed me what medications she was on and was saying how she wanted to drug me with those medications and tie me up. Kinky? No problem... I love kinky but the medication part and her talking about this so soon? Not so much.

I was lonely at the time and I was actually stupid enough to ask for to hang out a third time. I believe she lost interest the moment I started to chase. So I told her we should not talk anymore... well that's when all hell broke loose.

She tried to come back my direction a total of 5 times (i.e. she would talk to me for weeks, I would ignore, she would give up and try again). Constantly telling me how her day was (like I really care), how she is broke, asking me about me... I was getting quite annoyed because at this point I could tell she loved my attention but wanted me only for my attention and nothing more. This is where I started to give her the full out s**t treatment. Up until a week ago I was receiving messages on the order of:

"You wanna talk about my emotion? I don't think anyone would appriciate being called a deceitful flake. My emotions were on point with that. Also people like me ? Yea i might be different from other people but its something im really struggling with that you wouldnt understand unless its something you had to live through on a daily basis. Im not handlig anything well with literally eveything I do. Half the time im trying to understand myself. As for my emotions in general yes, I have a hard time regulating them , most of the time half my days ae spent crying over absolutly nothing. In the moment though to me, it is not nothing, i just start thinking of all the words and thigs people have done, and how I really hate waking up every morning. So yes, I have a short temper right now but it's not something I purposely do. Ive just let s**t build up and stick over the years. I still don't understand why you need to be causious and hesitant around " people like me ". Even that I take personally only because of all the other s**t that's been said to me. I already feel there's enough wrong with me that's why I'm reacting like that. I honestly do not know what I have done wrong to you. If i seen it I'd own up. But I don't. I see that before we were hanging out, afterwards we spoke on the phone where things were at, I let things be, and then I seen you were online one day and I wanted to be nice and say hi. I really don't understand the negative in that...

Like, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

And this is a reply to me asking why she gets very emotional over trivial things. I am sure she will come back sometime soon.

I implore everyone with AS to learn the signs of HPD! These girls are absolute poison for anyone with AS and they will not let go no matter what. But remember, they only want your attention and validation... and if they see you have a good job or are doing well they will really sink their hooks in because YOUR ATTENTION matters to them, but nothing more.

Additionally:

Resisting an HPD by treating her like s**t will only be met with 10 times the resistance on her part! These girls feed off of the drama regardless of whether they like it or not.


I would be interested in hearing other stories of AS/HPD dates.

I feel very sorry for this woman. It's hard for most people to relate to what it's like to lose your mind from drowning in emotions and pain.

It's not something anyone would choose to do; it's driven by a gnawing desperation, like your mind being a house on fire, and just doing anything you can, no matter how ineffective or even counterproductive, to try to get someone's help or get out, because they are typically in a state of panic most of the time.

Do what you have to do to protect yourself, but this woman clearly needs professional psychiatric help.

I feel sorry for her too but I refuse to let her know this because that would just suck her in more/feed her. You can tell by the nature of her replies that she is emotionally immature (see example).

Do you suffer of HPD as well or do you know someone with HPD?

I believe my ex had HPD, and I can tell you, it was one heck of a roller coaster ride! I actually felt kinda bad for her, but it was just too much drama on a daily basis for my tastes. You are right, with them it's all about attention (positive and negative), and not much else. The spotlight always had to be on her, and if it wasn't, she would try to divert it back to herself. If she was unsuccessful, look out!

I don't think I'm qualified to make that assessment of myself, lol, but I can... definitely relate to the thought patterns that could drive messages like that.

After reading what happened on the second date, all I can say is you had it coming. Why men choose to go out with women of such caliber I have no idea. Most men say they don't want a woman with any drama, but then I read something like this and I really begin to wonder what makes men tick. Not only did you have plenty of drama with this woman, but you kept coming back for more. Whatever.

Those women are very seductive. I had a coworker with HPD and men from all over the hospital flocked to her. One employee got into a relationship with her and it did not end well for either. She was very likeable but she totally drained the energy from me in the constant attention seeking.

I have a question. How can any of you be sure that these women had this, whatever it's called, this HPD? Were any of these women clinically diagnosed?

She was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder (according to her) although she thinks she was misdiagnosed and then another psychiatrist brought up the idea of HPD... which of course she had to let me know about.

I read about it and I agreed wholeheartedly.

I can understand that part too That's the great thing about having lived with both male and female hormone levels. You realize no one has it easy, and that nature deliberately thwarts our understanding of the opposite sex, and makes our lives miserable, in the interest of evolution/reproduction.

I recommend avoiding heterosexuality if possible; the whole thing's a setup

Ok then. Thank you for that information. I just really don't like people trying to diagnose other people by putting labels on them without a definite diagnosis. My friend said he thought I had BPD and he was going to have to look out for that if he ever came to visit me. I, of course, got totally pissed off because I have been to shrinks before and was never diagnosed with BPD, but he thought he could put that label on me without even meeting me in person and having no psychiatric education.

If I may ask, why did you keep going out with her? Wasn't the control issue of her demanding your address and number a sign? Or how she dressed (which didn't appeal to you), or that she had tried to kidnap a baby, or the arsonist activity - that wasn't enough for you? How many more signs did you need? Why would you sleep with someone like that? I hope you used a condom since she probably wasn't using birth control. What about what happened with the second date and how she wanted to drug you (with her own meds - WTH?)and tie you up - that wasn't a big red flag? She was telling you heavy stuff and it was only Date #2. Dude, I just don't get you at all. I really don't think you would be happy with a straight laced, drama free girl. Seriously.

At the time I didn't mind keeping her around as a friend - before I knew how clingy she would get. She was very good at playing innocent which is why I am saying that these girls are poison for people with AS who typically have trouble reading people.

The issue of her asking for my number and address to me seemed like she was looking for a hook up, which is why I didn't think much of it. And I did not ever escalate to sex with her, like I said I was very paranoid about doing anything with this girl. The tying up part did not bother me all too much, I have dated plenty of kinky girls in the past but the moment she mentioned drugging me with her medications is when I left.

Where I am truly guilty is asking her out a third time. I don't know why I did this. Perhaps as you said a straight laced girl is not for me. But neither is this person.

Thanks for being honest with everything. Do you think you would be taken in by someone like that again?

What I do with people who have treated me bad is that I now write it in a journal so I can refer back to it later. As time goes on, I tend to downplay what the person was actually like to me and I talk myself into that what the person had done to me probably wasn't as bad as I thought and that maybe I'm blowing things completely out of proportion. I wrote in this journal about what a 20 yr + friend did to me and how I felt at the time so then when I read the journal 10 yrs later what I wrote will actually be detailed enough that I can again put myself into the situation again and remember exactly what happened and how I felt at that time. It has worked for me. So maybe that is something that can help you with gf's (or people in general) in the future. Just a thought.

What medications was she on? That might help determine what condition she had.

This has been a life lesson for me. I have since started to screen a lot more (never mind the obvious red flags such as the baby kidnapping story) for even minor things. For example I don't think blatantly showing off whale tails and wearing hoop earrings was appropriate for a hike. I should have thought about this. Like I said, I had no experience whatsoever with this sort of person.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk when I say this but in the end I did not feel like I was treated bad because I was the one who got rid of her. Although I do now feel some pity for how ruthless I was in getting rid of her... especially knowing now that she is an emotional ticking time bomb.

As for the medications: she was particularly proud of her clonazepam.

I've met quite a few histrionic people I think, they seem to be active in professional fields. They tend to be friendly, but manipulative.