Confused beyond belief!

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I don't know if I have aspergers, I think so, but a lot of things confuse me and I find a lot of things difficult to understand. So maybe or maybe not.

And amongst all my confusion and headaches is my relationship. It's the longest running relationship I've ever had, coming up to four years in September. Communication isn't my strongest point. I'm not good at expressing how I feel and also have issues dealing with the way he does things. I love him, and when we fall into sync it's great! But we don't always fall into sync and these circumstances irritate me. Keeping calm during these times is the biggest challenge I face in this relationship. I don't know how to deal with it. And there's a pattern I always dread to see happening that I honestly don't know how to avoid. It's like I can feel him go a bit distant... For whatever reason, or it may just be me, it might all be in my head. And then I feel left out and that builds up while I take time to wonder if it's nothing, is it something? And the more I pull him up on it, the further away he seems to go. And then after a while I just seem to burst! I'll start with 'lets talk about things' and we end up just shouting at each other and I come away from it more frustrated than ever which makes me feel violent inside, like I have to somehow physically let rip of all the tension and stress that's driving me crazy. Obviously, I don't go around hitting people, it's more taking it out on the structure of the house with my limbs :/

Again, right now I'm in this build-up mode because he left the house in a hurry and avoided telling me where he's going. I'm struggling to relax. My head is filled with ideas of him meeting someone else.

I wish I knew how to relax. I wish I knew what I'm supposed to do in these situations that can help me understand why he does the things he does. I wish I knew the kind of things I need to say. I wish I knew how to express to him my feelings on this.

Asperger's Syndrome is no longer an existing diagnosis in the DSM ever since its version V came out.
(Not that I ever believed anything that came out the psychiatric-industry to begin with though)

You are probably best-off communicating in the form of happily greeting him somehow for various anniversaries, like birth-days, when you first met, when you first went out on a date, etc., and just keep it up consistently. Assuming that he's the one with HFA, you can probably expect him not to necessarily remember these things, but eventually he may take part in remembering these things, even if it takes a year or two to adjust, because it does leave an impression if nobody else in his life has ever directed any such social-gestures to him at all.

Most of us Aspies aren't necessarily used to this stuff though so it takes a while before we learn to mimick social-gestures. Speaking of Asperger's Syndrome... here...

No, sorry. I believe I'm the one with aspergers and I'm the one who needs to know how to communicate properly.

I feel completely at a loss most of the time about what I need to do. Sometimes I feel like because I struggle so much to show how much I love him that it's that that pushes him away, like he can't get what he needs from me because I don't know how to give it.