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starfox
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19 Aug 2015, 8:29 pm

I've had literally no real life friends for a year now. I talk to people as aquaintences all the time though but I don't know how to turn them into friends lol. I do go out all the time and have fun but by myself. I don't need to have friends but I do kinda miss when I used to have some and we'd hang out and talk about music and stuff.

The only reason I had a friend before is i hung out with them in school and I forced myself to go to the persons house and over time we became friends. Another time is I had a boyfriend and I hung out with his friends but that's all really.

Does anyone else have no real life friends? If so is it by choice, because you have additional problems, you don't know how to make friends or other? I'm quite a confident person but I don't know how to go further than aquaintences or 'working-relationship'. A social relationship isn't the same. I don't have the skills quite yet but I will soon.


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kraftiekortie
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19 Aug 2015, 9:17 pm

The ways I bond with people:

Common Interests

Common background



FullMetalAspie
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20 Aug 2015, 2:47 pm

I have no friends either.
I cant really hold a conversation long enough to make friends.



Xenization
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21 Aug 2015, 9:17 pm

I have difficulty talking about personal history, location, and understanding some jokes, so I only really make friends through common interests.

It's a safe route, though. Safer and more interesting than endlessly talking about someone else's life.


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Jacoby
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21 Aug 2015, 10:01 pm

its tough, I feel like I may as well be speaking chinese talking to people and I feel like they'll judge me so I don't even try most of the time.



Lonehiker
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22 Aug 2015, 12:34 pm

I've had no friends going on 3 years now. It is all because I shut myself out from communicating with others. I spend most of my time on the computer yet I just observe others, I never interact and sometimes unsure how to. I have issues with anxiety, hesitation, perfection etc. The fact I am posting on on a forum is extremely rare for me.

I recently realized I just have to do something. I've grown tired of being so lonely and resisting help. The funny thing is I do have the ability to be social and given the right environment or situation I can make friends as I have done in the past.



Inle
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23 Aug 2015, 2:34 pm

I have hardly any friends. I get very anxious around activities that others enjoy, and almost no-one shares my interests. I find other people's interests extremely dull and I'm unable to feign enthusiasm. Also, it might be just me, but it seems like people only really want to be friends with people the same gender/around the same age. If I try - and concentrate - really hard, I can cultivate friendships, but it's really hard work. I feel like there are enough things in life that are hard work, without throwing unnecessary challenges into the mix :wink:



InsomniaGrl
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24 Aug 2015, 7:31 am

I don't have many friends, i have a couple, but i find it hard to see them. I find it draining. Boyfriends have been friends, but then they haven't just been friends. I need a lot of time alone, to recover, and unwind, and just to be alone. I feel lonely and worried about the future sometimes as i don't have a big support network of friends. I also feel bad about not being able to just see people when and if i get invited anywhere, as attending can be too much of an ordeal, both at the time, and recovering, and its hard to get to a comfy place of being around people, unless you see them a lot to begin with.


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jackinblack
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24 Aug 2015, 9:41 am

I have not had any friends for most of my twenties and only recently arrived at the conclusion that I have AS. But for most of the time when I had no friends I wouldn't have time for them anyway as I was busy working on my projects and doing my things. This is to say that most of the time I am contented to be alone, but like every human being loneliness can sometimes taste bitter.



Ban-Dodger
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24 Aug 2015, 9:49 am

I am too busy to really be spending time with friends, and of the ones who have been friends, I think it's been over a decade since I've last met with them IRL, and none of us have kept in contact with each other either, although there was one that I messaged at random, but he's usually also too busy working all the time to be able to do too much socialising (due to being a worker for Boeing as an Engineer).

Also, I do not associate with people due to an inability, but more due to a lack-of-interest. I am simply not interested in hanging around other people. I think Aspies in certain cases need more time to be able to have a gradual-change in how they do things, tend to need lots & Lots & LOTS of information that they can absorb in certain cases or settings, but then again what is best for an Aspie at any particular time depends on a lot of different factors, including Growth-Stages.

Also, you should not auto-trust people who act like they want to be your friend anyway, because in many scenarios, they often turn out to be scammers or con-artists who will just steal from you (although in all fairness, according to the Karmic-System as described by Terence-Christ, nobody will ever steal from an individual who has never been complicit to theft upon others, due to not having such a Spiritual/Karmic-Debt to Pay).


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starfox
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24 Aug 2015, 2:13 pm

Ban-Dodger wrote:
Also, you should not auto-trust people who act like they want to be your friend anyway, because in many scenarios, they often turn out to be scammers or con-artists who will just steal from you .


Ah I've never had a problem with trusting too much. Always the opposite. I know that I could be screwed over anytime but I have backup plans, life is risky and so is communicating with anyone. Ive come to know you do have to trust sometimes.


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We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


starfox
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24 Aug 2015, 2:16 pm

For everyone who says they are too busy, that's the excuse I used to give my family when they told me to socialise. I said adults are too busy to do silly stuff like that and I'm one step ahead of people my age and i will get better grades because i spend that timr studying Lol. My dad was telling me that's not so and it's important to have friends but I didn't think so until later.


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We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


Aristophanes
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25 Aug 2015, 5:43 pm

I haven't had real life friends since I was around 21 or 22 and I'm 34 now. When I realized that I only illicit negative reactions from other people regardless of effort on my part I just gave up. Where some people call that being a quitter, I see it as just being practical. Let's say I really wanted to live on Jupiter, it's a nice desire but it's not actually feasible, so why bother wasting my precious time thinking about it.

On a side note, Starfox, after reading some of your posts over the last few months I think you have anhedonia. Along with autism that's another diagnosis I have. If everything is just so-so, never really good, never really bad, that's a common sign of it. Just thought I'd throw that out there.



starfox
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25 Aug 2015, 5:58 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
I haven't had real life friends since I was around 21 or 22 and I'm 34 now. When I realized that I only illicit negative reactions from other people regardless of effort on my part I just gave up. Where some people call that being a quitter, I see it as just being practical. Let's say I really wanted to live on Jupiter, it's a nice desire but it's not actually feasible, so why bother wasting my precious time thinking about it.

On a side note, Starfox, after reading some of your posts over the last few months I think you have anhedonia. Along with autism that's another diagnosis I have. If everything is just so-so, never really good, never really bad, that's a common sign of it. Just thought I'd throw that out there.


Oh I see. I'm about that age lol. Sometimes I think that too but on occasion I think maybe it isn't impossible, it's just nearly impossible.

I don't think I have anhedonia because I do feel happy and everything else. Sometines im indifferent to things because i dont have an opinion. I just like to see how events unfold and what i can learn; if that makes sense.

Hmm perhaps you have it because you don't feel a sense of purpose? It's difficult to find a sense of purpose though, the way society is set up in my opinion.


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We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


Aristophanes
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25 Aug 2015, 6:08 pm

starfox wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
I haven't had real life friends since I was around 21 or 22 and I'm 34 now. When I realized that I only illicit negative reactions from other people regardless of effort on my part I just gave up. Where some people call that being a quitter, I see it as just being practical. Let's say I really wanted to live on Jupiter, it's a nice desire but it's not actually feasible, so why bother wasting my precious time thinking about it.

On a side note, Starfox, after reading some of your posts over the last few months I think you have anhedonia. Along with autism that's another diagnosis I have. If everything is just so-so, never really good, never really bad, that's a common sign of it. Just thought I'd throw that out there.


Oh I see. I'm about that age lol. Sometimes I think that too but on occasion I think maybe it isn't impossible, it's just nearly impossible.

I don't think I have anhedonia because I do feel happy and everything else. Sometines im indifferent to things because i dont have an opinion. I just like to see how events unfold and what i can learn; if that makes sense.

Hmm perhaps you have it because you don't feel a sense of purpose? It's difficult to find a sense of purpose though, the way society is set up in my opinion.


Yeah there's certainly no sense of purpose, lol. The modern world is kind of "bleh" to me. I'm like you though, I like learning just in a different way: I can lose hours in a textbook and wikipedia is like crack-cocaine. It's good you don't have anhedonia, it's like being a nihilist but not wanting to be a nihilist, lol.

As for the thread from yesterday about giving "two s**ts": your advice to me shows concern and you've therefore earned an official wrong planet friend so you can start giving at least a single s**t now. :wink:



smatchimothetrumpeter
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25 Aug 2015, 7:31 pm

I've got a couple friends. Most of the people I really enjoy being around don't live near me anymore though. For about a year and a half in middle school I had no friends at all. I had a very obsessive, specific interest that none of the other kids shared. When I got to high school I met a few people with similar interests. Now I'm in college and I take online classes. I rarely get out of the house to see people. I'm always so busy. It's always kind of a draining experience to socialize but I do get pretty lonely at times so I wish I could find the right balance.

I've been wondering lately if I've put too much importance on finding people with mutual interests to hang out with in the past? I mean, that's always a plus, but maybe it doesn't matter as much as I think it does? I usually have very obsessive and obscure interests. It's hard to find anyone else that likes the stuff that I do. Especially where I live now. It's very rural. Not a lot of diversity out there.