Pain from being raised by an Asperger's parent.

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My father was very likely an Aspie but it was a positive thing for me. He understood me and was very supportive, if a little overbearing and pedantic at times. In particular, he shared my feeling that it was OK to be eccentric as long as it didn't harm anybody. My mother did a lot more damage, though I don't think she was particularly autistic. She had a big problem with anger management and with anxiety, and made a great drama out of finite interpersonal difficulties. Her interests were pretty conventional, she was well able to cook a 3-course meal, co-ordinating several saucepans and an oven, and she was social.

I don't think ASD makes for a bad parent. I think that some people just aren't good at parenting.

Thanks again for everything.

I am sorry to blame the AS. I guess I do it because it feels better than thinking he is just a jerk, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorry...

I can absolutely relate. Hey, at least you have a loving spouse. I am convinced that my father, who passed June 2014, had Asperger's. He's the most brilliant person I've known, a polyglot that spoke 8 languages fluently, erudite; a respected Neuro-Psychiatrist of all things. He is also one of the strangest, most complicated people I've known. Long story short, he was always there as far as the physical support, but completely absent emotionally, had fits of rage/anger, would belittle his kids; so MANY hurtful/damaging words/actions from childhood up to almost the end of his life, and I'm turning 41. He finally said the words "I love you" after he saw mom fighting a horrible, losing battle with terminal breast cancer, and he started getting near fatal illnesses himself. It didn't help that my mother was overprotective either. For me, it was a recipe for self hatred, lack of self esteem and not knowing how to grow up.
I was in a relationship that was a joke for 8 years, due to my lack of self love, was hit HARD by mom's illness, dad's, etc. So, here I am, 41, ALONE on this earth, scared, and trying desperately to heal....I KNOW I have to work on loving ME, or else. HELP! On top of that, I think I may have Asperger's or similar; I see a lot of my dad in myself.

Flip this situation around..

Can't be any worse than having a parent who doesn't understand you and is a complete opposite to you in terms of them being 100% extrovert and me being introvert especially when one such parent has been in the armed forces for most of his life and is conditioned to teach unnecessary and harsh discipline.

If the case were I had been NT and the [step-parent or parent] had been on the spectrum, I might have a different mindset, and obviously I would have not been as rebellious to my parents at such time as I wanted, that notion of being so against parents, I wouldn't at the time have been acting in my best interests.

I regret not being assertive to my parents in my childhood, but I would either have got kicked out of the house or got a really bad punishment like no internet for a month or something, such reasons why I just bottled up the anger, frustration, and hate for them and just let it slide. I suppose everyone who had bad childhoods would probably have wanted to go back in time to change certain events.

I was going to therapy for a while but that didn't help as much as I would hope for.
What did was:
1. realizing that I probably have Asperger (well, I am sure of it but still waiting for diagnosis) and that's why I feel like I feel and have the problems I have, not because of trauma
2. realizing that he also have Asperger and no one ever gave him the support that he needed, in spite of him being in contact with various psychiatrists for the last 30 years. I understood that he probably felt as bad as I did.

Those two things really helped. I don't have trauma any more. I just feel a lot of frustration as that's how autistic people are