"Letting Him Out"

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I hope this is the right forum.

This is really written beautifully...just wanted to share:

https://amongsthumans.com/477

I defiantly can relate

You're right--it's quite well-written.

That's eloquent and relatable. Painfully relatable.

I hope he has better results with letting his autistic child out of the institution than I did.

I don't believe that he will, but hey, hope's free.

I can relate to this boy. Sometimes I feel the exact same way.

Sometimes I feel like I can talk to anyone and can't do anything to change things. I feel fully conscious, yet completely unable to move.

I had "behavioral issues" at 13. My parents told me that I was gonna visit my grandfather, who recently had stroke. On the way, they dropped me off at mental institution. I spent the next few weeks confused and my roommate had to use several washcloths to dry himself off, cause he kept trying to hang himself with towels. His father raped him and he'd also scream in his sleep.
That experience changed forever. Parents have no problem shamelessly giving their child to the system and make up excuses for poor parenting. If I had a child with any mental disorder, I'd adapt my life around theirs, no matter what.

That's what being a parent is supposed to be. I'd eventually kill myself due to the shame of pretend my own child didn't exist.

This had quite an impact on me. I've never quite been able to put into words the idea of the "mask" I go around wearing. Thank you for sharing this.

I had to read that twice before I figured out what was going on. I guess taking things literally is in fact an autistic thing.

Actually, I did too. I posted it because I thought the overall "actual" message was an important one.

It took me a second look to figure out what he meant, that he had locked away his autistic self inside himself. Very visual and very touching.

All I can say is ... WOW

So breathtaking ... my goodness! I can cry such a river!

Hoolllllyyyyy craaaaap!
I had dreams EXACTLY like that when I was younger.
I'd be standing in the middle of the lawn outside, in the same spot every time, able to see and hear everything that was going on. But my legs and arms wouldn't move no matter how hard I tried. My mouth would not open to speak, nor could I make any sound at all! Interestingly, the world was absent of other people. I was alone. It was so hard to comprehend!
Crazy!

-Ben

Thanks for posting that Conundrum.

I'm pleased to have read it.

nice article

Well sadly this is what it is like for lot of people with high function autism, especially those of us who lead "Productive" lives. I used to do something somewhat similar, but then I thought "who the f**k am I fooling", and now what you see is what you get.

Pretty much. For me the "outer me" is so much an ingrained habit, but once when I had bronchitis for about a week and so tired, the 'outer me" came off inadvertently and I could actually see the real me (I had looked into a mirror, and my face had the 'dead look' with slightly slack mouth, no expression and dead looking eyes.) I knew this would massively creep people out, so I made myself have a 'normal' expression before I went out anywhere, so I wouldn't look creepy.