Talked to a psychiatrist, misjudged?

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They told me the same thing! I am convinced that they didn't know what they were talking about, but am no longer very sure that I have aspergers. So, my response isn't helpful but at least you aren't alone.

In my case I've been bouncing back and forward almost weekly between "I'm sure I have it", and "I probably don't really have it" in terms of Aspergers. It's like two complete, contrasting opposites. It's a little strange to try to comprehend. Anyway, because the second person I saw (the psychologist) was much better, I think you should keep trying to find someone you click with, and who you're able to trust. There's definitely going to be someone who you're able to mesh with, just keep looking (if you're able to).

Hi everyone. Just an update. So two weeks ago I was diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome and Dysthymia. I took this pretty well- it gave an understanding of myself and is helping to "match up" things in my life that I have certain difficulties with. I'm still seeing the psychologist every week or two.

I'm really quite confused now though. I hate to be one of those people that look up "I have a sore toe" on google and suddenly believe they have cancer or something, because I don't normally go down the road of "I might have this" unless I truly believe it. Anyway, when I was talking to the psychologist he said a lot about getting over my social anxiety so that I can be more social, and I kept responding by saying that I have no interest in being more social- I like being alone and essentially being isolated from everyone else. He started talking about relationships. My response was "I see the point of a relationship, but I won't go out of my way to get into one, it doesn't really bother me, if it happens it happens". He didn't seem to understand that response, so we danced around the topic and I gave in a bit saying "Well, I don't 'not' want a relationship, I just don't really feel the need for one". I think he's of the impression that I 'do' want a relationship, I just don't think I can get into one. This is half true, but at the same time I genuinely do not want a relationship, because it will mean I can't be alone as much and rely on myself, which is what I like. He briefly mentioned "Schizoid Personality Disorder", but didn't say anything about it and then proceeded to ask more questions.

To add onto that point above, a few months ago my sisters and I were talking about getting a job, and they suggested I get a night-time job. I really liked that idea, because it meant I'd be alone and just be able to go about my thing- which is what I thrive on. I really don't like being around people full stop. Yes, the social anxiety does play a part in that, but I feel like it's more to do with the fact that I genuinely like being alone.

One more thing, I have friends, but I don't necessarily talk to them unless they initiate the conversation (unless the conversation actually has a point- like asking them if they want to come out for a drink or to watch or movie, which is a pretty rare thing), and often I'll get bored or stressed of talking or even typing, and need to end the conversation. To clarify, I do care about people, such as my family and friends, and even strangers. Infact, I would argue that I care about strangers a lot more than the average person would. I try to keep everyone happy at all times, even people that I don't agree with. At the same time, I never form connections with people or get emotionally attached to problems, even my own family I don't have a very strong connection with. Yes, I care about them and would do anything for them, but if I was suddenly to lose contact with them, it would not bother me as long as I knew they were doing alright, and they knew that I was too. Infact, in many ways I'd even like that, because it would mean that I was able to be alone more, and I feel like a bad person for admitting that.

What I mean by the point above, is that I 'do' care about people, and I will always go out of my way to help someone in need, I just don't get emotionally attached at all. A fairly close relative (my nan) passed away earlier in the year. I was not necessarily sad- death is a part of life, and she lived a long and good life. I didn't need to mourn at all, what happened happened, in my mind it's better to move on and celebrate her good life, rather than be upset that she's gone. That's what I mean by not getting emotionally attached, even to someone as close as my nan, it just doesn't happen.

So now to the point, I've been reading up about Schizoid Personality Disorder, and I can honestly say that it rings more true with me than any prior condition I've read about, even Aspergers. So now I'm really confused, is it possible that I have Schizoid Personality Disorder, and that it was misdiagnosed as Aspergers, or is it possible that I have both Schizoid Personality Disorder and Aspergers (is this even possible?). It's incredibly confusing, because Aspergers fits me in so many ways, yet Schizoid Personality Disorder also fits me in many ways, and the two seem to overlap in some areas.

Here's some of the "symptoms" I found online, I'll underline and make bold all of the ones true to me:

Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family

Almost always chooses solitary activities

Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person (half/half, but it's more driven by my anxiety I'd say)

Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities

Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives (as I said, I do have close friends, but I don't feel the need to keep in contact with them)

Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others

Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect (emotion) (I suppose the example with my nan would fit in here).

Feel unmotivated and tend to underperform at school or work

Feel confused about how to respond to normal social cues and generally have little to say

Prize independence and have few close friendships



I'll talk to the psychologist about it, but I don't want to come across as one of those people who worry out about every little thing they read, thinking they might have it. Even if I do have this condition, I wouldn't want treatment for it. I enjoy being alone, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I'm throwing labels around a lot, but I'm just trying to get a better understanding of myself, and also to ensure that I'm getting the right treatment for my situation.

First, thank you for updating us.

Second, I want to respond to your not feeling distressed about lack of relationships. It's possible that the dysthymia part is related to not having positive supportive interactions, and not being able to use other people as an emotional safety net. You seem a little defensive about the idea of a primary, partnering relationship, but I don't think that's the important thing. Life can be tough, and connectedness is one way to weather the long storm.

I still think you are focusing more than you need to on the appropriate label. How about just focusing on the issues that brought you into therapy in the first place, how they affect your circumstances today, and how you would like things to be different and better a year from now?

Best of luck to you - I like hearing from you.

Thanks for the response. I know that I'm focusing fairly heavily on the appropriate label, but I can't help but see that as the "first step" in understanding myself. I'd like to be able use an appropriate label not to limit myself, but to describe myself without feeling doubt or guilt in using it, due to not being sure.

As for the acting defensive about a relationship, I admit that I do feel quite defensive about it. There is definitely a part of me that wants a close romantic connection, but an equally dominant part of me does not want that, and is happy being alone, even when it comes to intimate relationships. In many ways, it seems more reasonable to embrace the fact that I like being alone, and find new ways to enjoy my own company. From what I've read, many people with Schizoid Personality Disorder do infact want relationships, but find it very hard to acknowledge. Maybe this is where I fit in. I simply can't put into words what I think about this topic, because I'm split between two completely contrast opinions.

Back to the not needing a label, I do see what you're saying, and I agree with you for the most part. The reason I first sought out therapy is because I can't commit to any long-term goals, such as study, unless I'm absolutely interested and motivated in that thing which I'm pursuing, and even then the commitment only lasts while I'm interested in it. When I have that interest, I can finish things that would take most people months or even a year to complete in a matter of weeks to a high standard. This is different from what I described in the original post, of the "good times" which fit into the Dysthymia category. The absolute interest and motivation is focused towards only one thing, whereas the "good times" of the Dysthymia is focused towards everything in my life, which makes them vastly different. Outside of the times when I find myself with that absolute interest and motivation, I can't commit to anything. That's the primary reason.

The other reason is as I described, the depression side of things. But I feel like finding help for the first issue would help the second. Obviously the other thing is as I mentioned above, the fact that I enjoy being alone at all times. I don't see any problem in this though, and because I genuinely prefer to be alone, it isn't something I'd like treatment for, in exception of perhaps pursuing a relationship, but even then I'm still unsure if I'd like to pursue treatment.

In a year, what would I like to see myself doing? I'd like to see myself able to commit to things- in my case, I'd like to commit to both study, and to programming mobile apps, websites, or software through self employment (I do have some experience with this, I created a mobile game earlier this year when I had one of those absolute interest and motivation moments- I learned C# and the Unity engine, and released a game all within the space of two weeks). I'd also like to see myself get rid of the depression, or at least make it manageable. I do 'not' want to become more social though.

One overlooked treatment for depression is pleasant events. If you can increase the number of them, large and small, in your everyday life, you may start feeling better. This seems like such a trite statement that it overlooks the fact: some of us go through a whole day without doing a single thing we find pleasure in.

So you might start by making a list of big and small pleasurable activities. They might include: eating, playing video games, doing a crossword puzzle, putting on jewelry, playing a musical instrument, grooming a pet, attending a very good concert, spending time on a hobby (special interest), taking a walk, and so on.

Again, sounds trivial, but try it. You can also run it past your psychologist. It's a behavioral intervention and very benign, in other words, no side effects to speak of.

Funnily enough, that's exactly what he suggested. He asked me to make a list of things that I may find fun or interesting and to bring them in for the next session. So that's where I'm at now. I do see the merit in it. As I said, I usually find myself interested in one, two or are at rare times three things at any one point time in time. Every once in a while, something new or something old cycles in and replaces one of my current ones. For example, right now I have three things that I enjoy. Firstly, a game that I'm playing (which I've played for 8 years on and off). Another, researching medical conditions. I've put a pretty huge amount of time into researching different medical conditions over the past two months. Another, watching TV series (I'm re-watching my favourites).

In a week, maybe a month, I might lose interest in watching TV series or playing the game, and something else will replace it. It might be a new game, it might be a sport (such as karate, which I've done in the past), it might be dieting and researching a variety of diets and health options, it might be video editing etc. Or at times, one of the interests might just fall off and nothing will replace it.

Right now I'm actually in a pretty good head space. I like that I'm finally looking for some help, and I have enough interests to keep me busy. From three months ago to two months ago, I had literally no interests, nothing that I found enjoyable at all. That got me into a very bad head space, and was when the suicidal thoughts popped up in a very serious way. Right now, the suicidal thoughts crosses my mind from time to time but I'm in no way considering it and it's not consuming my thoughts like it was one to two months ago. The bad head space lasted until about a month ago, which was around the time I got back into the game I was talking about and started re-watching TV series.

Maybe that's the 'trick' for my depression side of things, I just need to try to find two or three interests to keep me occupied at all times. It doesn't seem like I can control what I find myself interested in though- it just happens. It's like it's the roll of a dice- sometimes I might be lucky and have a few interests, and at others I might have none. Perhaps the therapy will help me to find ways to "control my interests".

Another update, I'm actually feeling pretty good lately. I'm enjoying my interests a lot more, and general just feeling positive in comparison to usual. I saw the psychologist again yesterday and that session was probably the best one yet, I feel like I'm starting to feel fairly comfortable around him. I asked about the Schizoid Personality Disorder thing and he said that you can only diagnose either Aspergers or Schizoid in someone due to common traits, not both, and that I definitely have Aspergers, although I have quite heavy Schizoid traits in my personality. I'm actually feeling good about having that assured, and now I feel like for the first time I 'actually' trust the diagnosis and understand it completely.

The direction shifted from getting me over my social anxiety, which we agreed wouldn't help me much due to none of my potential interests or daily functions involving social interaction, to finding ways to keep motivation, which is the main thing I struggle greatly with. He said that he understands why I looked for help and that in my current situation it's by no means a common sense approach. I explained that I sometimes have a huge amount of motivation for something, and then it will vanish and move onto something else, and even if I try my absolute hardest to continue doing the thing I lost motivation for, it burns me out and I can no longer continue. I explained that it's like that for all aspects of my life, from studying, to interests, to even daily functions like taking care of myself.

He said the next session we'll discuss ways which could potentially help me to keep motivation. So I'm not entirely sure where that will lead us. In your experiences, is my 'lack of motivation', or to word it even better, my inability to balance positive and negative motivation a common problem for people with Aspergers? Or just people in general for that matter? Even things like showering and brushing my teeth take a colossal amount of effort to do, and I do try my hardest to keep them in check but it's not always possible.

And another thing, should I stop posting here and make a new thread? It doesn't seem to be related to the "misjudgment" anymore, and is more of a "progress" thread.

The psychologist who diagnosed me said the exact same thing. (Welcome to the club! )

I'm just catching up here, but glad to see you're doing so much better, as a result of understanding what you're dealing with! And I think it makes sense to keep it all in one thread.

Wow, you seem to have got lucky with your psychologist. I'd stick with that one. He sounds as if he meets you halfway and really listens to your concerns.

I'm glad you're feeling better. I just have one suggestion at this point. We all need people - even if we don't really like being around them. So continue with connectedness, but if you want to shift the focus to motivation. that's fine.

As to shifting from one special interest to another, I must say I wish I had stuck with one career direction although I've also had changes in interests. For Aspies in particular, the ability to carry on meaningful employment is a hard goal to reach, yet an important one. Please bear that in mind as you go through life.

Keep on with the good work psychologically! I agree that you should continue this thread.