Excuse?

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Have you ever used your ASD label as an excuse or as a "cop out"?

If I'm completely honest with myself I probably have done in the past.

Before I knew I had autism (Yes, I was diagnosed with it at age 3--but I didn't really know what it was until the 1970s), I used to make the excuse that "I USED to be ret*d."

Yes because I thought I should have special treatment and not have rules apply to me and be the ruler of the household bad that I should be allowed to be *gasp* Asperger's.

In my experience, openly admiting ASD is more likely to result in emotional abuse, contempt, neglect...
I'm a pretty physical guy
I shudder to think about what happens to girls, guys, children, anyone that's not a physical threat...

Well, it's just that before I got diagnosed my life was absolutely shite. I really couldn't function and I didn't have a clue what the hell was wrong with me.

I was diagnosed about 10 years ago and for a short while I did claim benefits.

I'm doing really well these days. I work, pay my way and I have a social life.

I feel a bit bad when I look back because for a short while I did use my aspergers as an excuse to do nothing with my life. And now I realise that I'm not actually disabled at all, I just struggle a little bit.

I just wondered if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing.

I'm sure there are TONS of people who have done that.

I think it would be even somewhat of a "normal" thing to do to justify one's behavior at times.

As long as one realizes what one is doing, and admits to it, then it's not so bad.

Thank you KraftieKortie.

I concur with kk and I would also say that "excuse for" can often be replaced with "reason for". There are legitimate reasons for not having the ability to take control of certain things/circumstances/situations in our lives (including, for instance, periods of time one does not have work) that are in fact, the result of some aspect of AS. I am not negating or down playing or saying that you did not use it as an "excuse", of course, babybird, because only you can know/say that is in fact, what you had done, but thought I'd just throw my 2 cents into the pot. Rambling now, but yeah-

Thanks for your 2 cents worth Britte. Feel free to ramble all you want.

Yeah, I know what you are saying and at the time my life was out of control but looking back I can't help feeling that maybe I could have done better than to just take tax payers money without pushing myself to do better.

I feel as though I was just finding a good excuse to do nothing with my life.

There are people out there who genuinely need benefits and there are also people who deserve benefits and decline them.

That is what makes me feel bad really.

I'm doing that right now! Been not doing anything for a long time (I think I have depression) but since I concluded that I have Asperger's I don't even care anymore.
It's not just that, I have other things that I use to put me into the victim role, like extremely bad eyesight (who's gonna employ that AND Aspie? Hate getting up early anways...), but it's a big part of it because it gives me a term to throw around if I majorly piss someone off again/fail to perform basic life tasks.

Ah, I see. Well, good on you, for making things happen for yourself and I am pleased for you that things are going really well for you, now! Your past experience can be viewed as a stepping stone of sorts, and, you may have actually deserved to received those benefits at that time, despite how doing it, has caused you to feel. Congratulations to you, for what you have accomplished!

I agree with this babybird, maybe you really needed and deserved those benefits. You probably had very good reasons for it. Sometimes what might be looked at as making excuses, is just covering up deeper reasons for things that aren't recognized or understood, or can't be fully explained.

And if you had ever denied services, it still might be said that you were making excuses. Just yesterday I had a VR counselor telling me I was making excuses because I was *refusing* their services. There's a double standard about it and it can be kind of mind boggling.

Only when it can be used as an actual serious respond and not an excuse

I have never used ASD as an excuse IRL because I don't really feel comfortable bringing it up, but I have online about thrice. I used it as an excuse for just plain stupidity and ignorance because I was being criticized by members of the community.

As far as I can see, the noun "excuse" doesn't necessarily have dishonest connotations:
http://dictionary.cambridge.org/diction ... ish/excuse
See meaning B1
Though a lot of people don't seem to know that, and assume it always has the second meaning given there. To me, the only way to be clear about the meaning is to precede it with adjectives such as "valid" and "lame."

One of my main reasons for getting diagnosed was that, if I turned out to have Aspergers, I would be able to use my diagnosis at work to get out of being expected to do things that as an Aspie I couldn't do, or could only do at the expense of my health. I see that as a valid excuse. In fact I was annoyed at my employer for making blunt adjustments of the "we'll let you off" type rather than really studying my condition and making specific adjustments that would have allowed me to be more included and to do a better job that was more appropriate to my intelligence and skills.

Also, anybody intending to be my close friend has to accept that I have certain cognitive impairments that require a different set of expectations on me than would be appropriate when dealing with a neurotypical. In some respects, those adjustments will mean that I will be (quite rightly) excused from certain activities. Though I have no problem with sharing my Aspie strengths with them, e.g. what I can do for them, I will do diligently.

For the rest of the population, socially I don't need any excuses, though I live in hope of some of my not-so-close acquaintances getting their brains round the implications of my autism, and reassuring me that they don't hold it against me when (for example) I resist their pressure to attend crowded, noisy events.

For bureaucrats and "professionals" , I might well dig my heels in and attempt to use my autism as a valid excuse to (for example) confine my communications with them to the written word rather than telephone calls and face-to-face interviews. Mostly they don't seem to like it when I do that, and they tend to try to ignore my expressed preferences, but I feel entirely within my rights to stick to my guns, if I feel that's what I want to do.

I don't use autism as a lame excuse for anything. That would involve deliberately exaggerating my difficulties. I might one day find I have to do that if I were taking on somebody who was dishonestly or cruelly denying me what I needed or somehow ripping me off. But it hasn't been necessary yet.

I would like to point out that I have felt that way without those feelings being accurate.

Even though I now know a great deal about why I struggle with things, I spent most of my childhood being told that I was lazy and 'if I only tried harder, I could do it'. And I had no words to tell myself any different, because I had no idea why I kept failing. Plus, when I focused 100% of my attention on accomplishing that one task, I could do it, so it seemed like they were right - I could do it if I tried harder. What I didn't realize is that what took 100% of my effort took only 10% for most people, and that exerting 100% constantly is just not possible for anyone.

Even now that I know better, I still find myself repeating those negative messages sometimes. When you are told something about yourself repeatedly as a child, it can be very hard to shake that belief, no matter how much you know better as an adult.

So take a look with your rational mind. Could you really function better? Or are you just echoing what people have told you when they didn't understand your disability?