@sly or the one before that, don't forget him. I am gg’s last bf, if you can ever call it that, more like “last toy”, and I also used to be her "best friend" for a while after that too.
I said I wouldn’t talk to either gg or aus, however I was really thinking of private email/IM mostly. So why do I need to be super true to what I say in a situation like this where I feel like the two of you completely disregard me as anything but an annoyance that is to be rid of in a timely and quiet manner?
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Just because things seem bleak now doesn't mean it will always be this way. There's a lot of shallow jerks that are willing to rip your heart out, and others that just want to use you. I hope you find someone special in your lifetime like I have.
So you are saying that you were surrounded by shallow jerks who would rip your heart out? Um, is picking someone up, telling them you love them and making them love you, then throwing them away because you have “issues” not shallow and ripping people’s hearts out? I know you did this to at least two people, which brings me to another issue.
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We have a lot in common and I've never felt this way for anyone like I have for him.
You act as if you have never loved anyone, and that no one ever loved you, but that’s not true and you know it, unless you just were stringing people along because you wanted something to pass the time like a catfish? You know, I really even wonder if you care about how you hurt people? You are so afraid of being hurt but you don’t seem to really care about hurting others.
I remember when we were in a “relationship” you were always cheating, then towards the end you started telling me that I was “too good for you”, then you dumped me because you wanted to keep talking dirty on ###weirdos (which you even banned me from recently) and you were afraid of rejection. You said you wanted to be friends still though because you felt like we had formed a bond of sorts that she didn’t have with other people. So we stayed friends for months, and even then you kind of led me to believe that in a way there might be hope that we could get back together. If saying “I still like you a lot” and “look everybody, this is the boy I have a crush on” (which happened happened recently) isn’t indicative of that, I don’t know what is. Also, last but certainly not least our distance was a problem, you said so yourself, but you’re all okee dokee with a LDR with someone on a different continent, what gives!? Hmm, when you go back to school, I wonder what will happen when when you have the choice between someone you likely won’t see for years, or someone you can touch and hold now? If you can’t even resist people in chatrooms for a mere 2 weeks?
So, about a month to 3 weeks ago, you stopped talking to me altogether, without much apparent reason, just because I got a little annoyed because you called me judgmental. And yes, I guess I overreacted a little, but I was getting resentful about your attitudes and actions towards me by that point. Then you just blocked me out completely, I figured it was because you had decided that I was not a fun “toy” anymore and that you must have a “new one”. That made me really mad to be treated like that, and I regret how I acted, desperately trying to get you to say something to me. I really overreacted, and I’ll admit it, I practically harassed her. I’ve regained my composure now and I hope that this is better that what I wrote before, which was basically an emotional freakout.
I would not have been nearly as hurt and upset if you had just told me, “look Jake, I have a new boyfriend now” or ever “I don’t really want to talk to you anymore because I have a new boyfriend”, but no, you had to burry me for whatever reason. I assume that our friendship meant nothing to you as well, and that you probably really never cared. You went from wanting to call me all the time to trying to get rid of me like I was a nuisance. You talk about how you are so afraid of rejection, that it’s one of the things that you’re most afraid of, but you’ve rejected me on so many different levels, slowly and painfully over time, breaking my heart multiple times. I suppose that means you must really hate me then huh?
So, why did I just write all this? Even though I even said I would just leave the two of you/them alone? Because the way they are both acting, like all sappy and “omg I have a new boyfriend and I wub him sooo much my heart explodes with joy, woo!” and acting like you have been having a hard time and no one has tried to be close to you. I don’t like things that are not truthful, or that are unfair. That is why I react so strongly to this, it feels like an injustice and I don’t have to just not do anything. I want to tell everyone about the truth, including aus if he doesn't really know. I've been feeling physically sick from this the past weeks, literally. If you feel like I’ve wronged you feel free to talk about that too, as long as it’s not lies. Oh, and I have this whole thing saved if you delete it.
30 Aug 2015, 10:28 pm
