Top 6 Reasons You Have No Friends.

Post Reply New Topic

I'm guilty of all of these except maybe 1 and 6. I have some friends, though, because I met other people who fit this list like me !

7. You just don't desire them.
You can live your life without friends, our ancestors did it.

2-6 are definitely true of me. I never yell at or insult anyone, and actually am overly considerate of other people's feelings, oftentimes choosing not to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing.

2. Yep, that's describing me pretty well I try to keep talk of my obsessions to a minimum, since some are often not socially appropriate, but if someone else shows any interest in one of them... well, I hope they weren't planning on going anywhere anytime soon Or that they don't have a problem flat-out telling me to shut up, because anything short of that probably isn't going to work.

3/4. I have horrible social anxiety. Doesn't help that when I'm extremely nervous, I can't force my vocal cords into action no matter how hard I try, and initiating a conversation gets my anxiety to that level.

5. Hey, if I meet someone who wants to talk about Tool and Hellraiser all day, I guess we're set But most of my interests aren't that common, and even if someone else shares them, they probably won't be as into them as me.

6. I've been socially isolated for so long now that any in-person contact makes me very anxious. I prefer being alone simply because it's what I'm used to.

I too don't really know what having a real friendship is like. The last time I had anything even remotely resembling it was in elementary school, and my perception of that is likely skewed because up until about sixth grade or so, I had no concept of the term "acquaintance," and thought everyone I'd ever met was a friend unless they proved otherwise.

2-4 was definitely me in my mid teens. I have a pretty good social life now though.

1. Because I am so different from precious lil "most people". And they do not tolerate differences. And even if they do, it takes too much energy to interact with so different

2. Because my natural personality leads me to think and feel in unusual ways that take a lot of skill to express. And not everyone is as receptive as they act like they are

3. Because many of them hate me. And I hate many of them back

4. Because interacting with someone takes so much energy. You have to always consider their perspective. You have to always be ready to laugh or apologize. at this point, my brain has become so weak and lazy that I would usually rather get rid of the good along with the bad. Than to have the good and bad

5. Precious lil "most people" see their good side and my bad side. while I see their and my bad sides. and there are a lot of precious lil "people" just like them. They have a lot of friends so they think they must be awesome. While I ain't got no precious lil "friends"

6. Fear of rejection. the best case scenario is like whooptie do . Like what are you going to do, hold hands skipping off into the sunset ?

And the worst case scenario is subject to imagination.

When someone was my friend, we both had a little fun an the time

When someone dumped me, they caused more trouble than they were worth





Cost benefit analysis

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

When I was working I kept to the work and was truly offended if somebody interrupted with some stupid thing. I didn't know that was a friendly opening. It just wasn't work.

2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

I have a fake persona that is very NT. Get along with 'normals' but don't enjoy it much. I learned years ago to listen to others while they talk. Best response to an NT: "I didn't know that." And pay attention. Nod a lot.

It's really hard, though. I once made a woman cry by not realizing that the proper response to "My name is Anne" is to tell her my name. So I did my great listener act and after she told me her name 3 times she cried and went away.

3. You hardly talk to anyone.

I learned a couple of years ago to smile and say "Good morning" to anybody who so much as looks at me. These things work well; they're worth learning.

4. You never initiate to be friends.

All my friends are at WP, so I guess I'll have to broaden my scope.

5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

I haven't met any people. I don't go out much. I go to the ATM and come back. People are usually nice. Especially since I'm old with white hair and a walker. Oh wow, just you wait, people become so nice!

6. You don't want any friends.

Of course I want friends.

I haven't read all the posts, so apologies if I interrupt some flow you've got going.

My biggest problem with making friends is the whole humour thing. I laugh when things "aren't funny" and fail to laugh when "they are". (I use the inverted commas to distinguish between what others find funny and what I find funny).

Sometimes, just sometimes, the planets will align ... and I'll say something dead serious which others will find funny, and looking at my deadpan face will make it even more hilarious. Then I'll start with, "What? What's so funny?" all confused, and they will break into absolute hysterics, declaring me to be the funniest person ever.

Then the planets will go back to their unremarkable positions in orbit, the short-lived fame will pass, and I'll avoid those people who found me funny to spare them finding out ... the truth.

______________________



Plenty of times I said something that was serious and someone laughed. They thought it was a joke.

For example, I told the community college counselor that anything she could say was "a day late, a dollar short"

And she had the nerve to tell me "you're funny"

But that was not a joke

It was a day late, in that I was 33 years old, not four years old. (And she was only 35 herself).

The fist psychological counselor that I got was at age 16. By that time, I already endured a lot of school bullying, parental pressure, menstruations, social rejection and et cetera.

It was a dollar short in that "actions speak louder than words" and "loose lips sink ships"
.

Neither she nor any other psychological counselor has a time machine.

They can't go back in time. They can't fix the past

It is physically impossible, with current technology





Psychological counselors do not have the legal right to intervene in current situations. The counselor does not have the authority to assign the homophobic precious lil "people" 2000 hours community service

The only time a counselor has a legal right to intervene (I think) is Mandated Reporter Law violation and when subpoenaed by court

The counselors job description says that when they see a client on the street, the counselor is not even supposed to greet the client. That would violate client confidentiality. If the client is with a boss, spouse, family, friend, enemy. Then the family member asks the client who was that? .

The counselor can do nothing except interact with the client in the office at that time. Only talking.



But everyone can talk

Not just counselors



Anyways she said "you're funny" in a condescending judgemental tone.

Like she was a grandparent and I was a grandchild





And she acted like she paid me a compliment and I had a moral obligation to say thank you

Seriously she and I were working on different wavelengths

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

Nah, never really been like this.


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

True. But I adapt that strange oddness into a persona which makes many "NT" (I hate using that word) people just see me as the quirky music geek.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.

...Guilty

4. You never initiate to be friends.

Also guilty

5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

Yeah actually, I really don't feel like I have, but then again maybe my standards are too high. Better than when my standards were low and I was making shallow friendships with nearly everyone I met though. It's better to seek out like minded people even if that's very hard to do.


6. You don't want any friends.

I do want friends, but a few close friends.

1 I don't want fake people around me.
2 I'm not on the same wavelength with 98% of the people and I am just not bothered to tolerate their shite. They are too different. Not worse, not better just different.
3 Most people are not curious enough, too narrowminded, to insecure, they just dont realise we have nothing to fear of.
4 Meanwhile I learnt how to look friendly, small talk and pointless pleasentries drain me a lot.
5 What's the meaning of friend anyway?
6 I'm tired of making a lot of effort and getting nothing back. I am good on my own.

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

I am never deliberately insulting to others. If I am, I'm either trying to joke around (I only do that with relatives I know have that kind of humour, so it is the only kind of interaction they can respond to) or it's unintentional.
I am told however I come off as formal, distant, often cold.


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

Definitely.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.

I am not shy. At all. I don't talk to people because a) increasingly, physical verbal speech is just horrible for me, and b) I am not interested. People, by and large, talk about stupid, pointless, brainless, petty, repetitive topics which don't interest me at all. There is no reason to speak to them. If there is a reason to, I will - but it's largely utilitarian.


4. You never initiate to be friends.

I can't understand why anyone would want to be friends with me, so no, I don't tend to force my company on others. They must make it clear they want contact with me, and are not just "being polite," because otherwise I will automatically assume they don't. I am polite, but not welcoming.


5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

I have definitely met a few good people, but due to my distance and inability to understand interpersonal relationships, connection, or affection, they remain largely topic-focused.


6. You don't want any friends.

It's not a matter of "screw making friends," for me - I'm not angry about it. It's just not required.
PS : That doesn't mean I never want friends, ever. Or that I would resist if someone wanted to befriend me. It just means I don't understand the concept very well, and it does not come naturally and automatically.

Another interesting "self discovery" I've recently made is that friends, don't seem to do anything to help with my loneliness. Hanging out with friends definitely helps with boredom, but I still feel just as lonely. This has made it so I don't try as hard to make new friends since it won't help my biggest problem.

1. It gets on my nerves how precious lil "people" talk on the phone, talk off the phone, and otherwise make too much noise. They talk too much and too loud. Then they have the nerve to tell me "s**t up?". A barber asked me how old I was. So I answered. Another barber told me to "shut up".

2. Their attitude is so arrogant and judgmental.

3. Some of them care too much about $$ and themselves.

4. They act like they overpower the me because they outnumber me.

5. Peer pressure

6. They act so holier than thou and morally innocent

I don't really have any friends - friendly acquaintances, maybe, but no one who really seeks out my company or wants to do things with me or anything. But I do find that being around people makes me feel even more lonely, maybe because seeing them interact with their friends and seeing how close they are to each other makes me want that kind of relationship, but I don't have it.

That's pretty much how I feel spot on.

1. sometimes i feel like i have to constantly interact with someone when we are hanging out. and that means talking.

sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste.

the two primary senses to communicate with someone: sight and hearing.

but what is there to talk about? either the topic is so small it does not have to get talked about, or so large that talking is insufficient.

2. some precious lil "people" are so full of themselves, that they do not allow anyone to disagree. even with something completely vague, inconsequential, or subjective. even professional counselors do that sometimes. like one 35 year old counselor had the nerve to tell me that i am "important". oh yeah? so important she wouldn't lemmie disagree with her over what the definition of "smart" is? (her definition of "smart" was "not completely stupid". ok, that's so lame. what does the dictionary say? that's like saying that i am not strong, in that i can't lift a gallon of milk, but i am not completely weak, because i got out of the rack this morning. that's making the standard of intelligence so low that everyone fits it. so, if everyone fits it, what is so great about being "smart"? it's called dualism ).


3. precious lil "people" have the nerve to act like they successfully dragged my worthless corpse out of a burning building. precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me "we care about you" or "i care about you". it's like wtf? and they do not treat me like they treat their friends. then when i do the slightest thing they do not like, they have the nerve to tell me "we would rather not have you doing yoga. it's distracting"



okay, that's all i am to you, a distraction?

how about we would rather not have you continue living. it's distracting?

because the past 34 years, at least two times, two separate parties found it distracting when i continue living. then what? (and then precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me that "you don't care about anyone except yourself!"). because of course. if i were to have cared about someone else, then i would have committed suicide already . because i am nothing but a distraction.

4. precious lil "people" act like they are entitled to ask personal questions and make remarks about my physical appearance. when i do not do the same to them.

5. precious lil "people" cancel plans with me 2 hours a priori. sometimes they cancel plans more often than they keep them. and they cancel plans for the slightest reasons. like it was her dad's birthday and she had a lot of homework.

6. precious lil "people" expect me to change to suit their tastes but will not do vice versa.

what?

even in Basic Training. Boot Camp. army, navy, air force, marines, coast guard. united states west point academy. ROTC. OTC. whatever. recruits. poolees. Marines. have. rights. even drill sergeants can't just do whatever they want.