what is self pity actually?

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My mother says self-pity is when you let yourself be excluded from social gatherings and being with people, because you pity yourself you "dont need to be with them"? Is that what self-pity is?

Self-pity means you think of yourself less than you should think of yourself.

It also means you emphasize the bad in yourself over the good in yourself.

It also means you don't take responsibility for your life--because you think so little of your self.

I don't agree with your mother. What she says doesn't make much sense because people have limited control over whether or not they are socially excluded; people don't really "let" themselves be excluded. Anyways, self-pity is an emotion, not an action.

Self-pity is the feeling of pity directed towards oneself. Do you know how it feels to pity someone? Imagine feeling that way about yourself. It's a kind of sad, concerned feeling about one's circumstances.

Google definition says self-pity is "excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's own troubles". I don't know if this is how your mother meant it.