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marshall
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04 Oct 2015, 8:27 pm

As for the original question, I get a bit annoyed with the term "shy". It's often used to refer to people who are simply quiet. Quiet does not always imply that someone is timid. It simply implies they aren't as vocally spontaneous and tend to spend a bit more time thinking before moving their mouth. It might imply greater depth of thought, rather than lack of confidence. Of course that's lost on a lot of stereotypical shallow people. It's sad that this society can't wrap their head around certain things.

I get labelled "shy" a lot when the reality is constant conversation taxes me mentally. After a while I run out of things to talk about. I don't try to talk for the sake of talking when I have nothing left to say at that particular moment. I don't know if most girls have a problem with periods of silence and label it "shy" and unappealing. If so I guess that's their weird problem, not mine. I find people who talk too much annoying.



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23 Oct 2015, 9:19 am

Drawyer wrote:
Shyness of a man could even look cute, adorable to some women. Not all.
But in your situation if she gives you every sign, and you don't react to them, you're hurting her. She wouldn't know you're being shy. The last thing you want is her to feel ignored/hurt by your little reaction. Would you give up your shyness for her at least before she realize how shy you are? That's up to you.

How are Aspies supposed to read signs? That can be really hard!



Drawyer
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24 Oct 2015, 7:31 am

hmk66 wrote:
How are Aspies supposed to read signs? That can be really hard!

izzeme wrote:
If i were to get a clear "go ahead", i would break my shyness (or try to).
Problem is that "every sign" that a woman might/will give, is all but invisible... they need to be a lot more overt. eye-games/hair twirls and what have you don't work.
If they were to do something subtle like planting a kiss on my face, i might get the hint (might, or just assume she's drunk/lost a bet)
Loled a lot!!

When I said the word, "every sign", it was a presumption based on OP's saying "she flirts with me" in his last sentence. He thought she's flirts with him, so I thought he caught every sign of flirts.
As for how an individual identifies the hints, my answer is "I don't know". As every woman is different.

I think a lot women would avoid giving a man obvious flirts, because they still, too shy to do that especially in front of their real crush.
So it should be very hard to distinguish if she's flirting with you or not, even if you're not a AS guy.
Myself being an introvert person, I couldn't even do anything but stand still around him. He never knew I have some feelings for him.


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rdos
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24 Oct 2015, 8:06 am

Drawyer wrote:
Myself being an introvert person, I couldn't even do anything but stand still around him. He never knew I have some feelings for him.


Some neurodiverse women that are shy give out subtle stims as signals of interest / a crush. Unless they have worked hard on suppressing all stims. That's in addition to the eye contact pattern. But that won't be something the typical NT picks up, but sometimes a ND guy might notice it.



SwissPagan
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24 Oct 2015, 10:46 am

Drawyer wrote:
Shyness of a man could even look cute, adorable to some women. Not all.
But in your situation if she gives you every sign, and you don't react to them, you're hurting her. She wouldn't know you're being shy. The last thing you want is her to feel ignored/hurt by your little reaction. Would you give up your shyness for her at least before she realize how shy you are? That's up to you.



that's the other thing I kinda worry about, if some one is interested in you how would you know. and if they are counting on your attentions going beyond platonic, how would you know and if you did, how could you convince yourself beyond the self-defeating biases instilled upon you, by misandrist teachers and you boy-hating older sister?



Drawyer
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25 Oct 2015, 1:11 am

SwissPagan wrote:
Drawyer wrote:
Shyness of a man could even look cute, adorable to some women. Not all.
But in your situation if she gives you every sign, and you don't react to them, you're hurting her. She wouldn't know you're being shy. The last thing you want is her to feel ignored/hurt by your little reaction. Would you give up your shyness for her at least before she realize how shy you are? That's up to you.
that's the other thing I kinda worry about, if some one is interested in you how would you know. and if they are counting on your attentions going beyond platonic, how would you know and if you did, how could you convince yourself beyond the self-defeating biases instilled upon you, by misandrist teachers and you boy-hating older sister?
My answer is "I don't know". As I don't think I've been there where you've been.

But still I wanted to let you peek one of many possible reactions toward a crush.

I act friendly when I am with seemingly not too attractive men, but I couldn't act that way in front of my real crushes as I'm too shy and nervous. My natural personality disappears when I'm around my real crushes. It seems suppressed by overwhelming nervousness. I act like they are not existing when they are in the same room with me. So I believe that they never know if I fall for them or not.

You see? There could be this kind of weird reaction toward a crush.

If a girl who has feelings for you happens to be shy, introvert like me, she may act like I have done. Then, you will never get any hint, clue, sign from her. She even seems to ignore you intensionally. You possibly have no idea what's going on in her mind forever.


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WantToHaveALife
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08 Nov 2015, 2:13 pm

maybe only as friends, just not in a romantic/sexual way



wilburforce
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08 Nov 2015, 2:51 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
maybe only as friends, just not in a romantic/sexual way


I have dated shy guys before, as I'm sure other women on this site have as well. Lots of women like shy guys, just because you haven't met any yet doesn't mean they don't exist, it just means you haven't met any (that you're aware of). NOT ALL WOMEN LIKE THE SAME THINGS AND THE SAME KINDS OF GUYS, BECAUSE WE ARE INDIVIDUALS WITH INDIVIDUAL TASTES AND PREFERENCES.



WantToHaveALife
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08 Nov 2015, 3:06 pm

wilburforce wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
maybe only as friends, just not in a romantic/sexual way


I have dated shy guys before, as I'm sure other women on this site have as well. Lots of women like shy guys, just because you haven't met any yet doesn't mean they don't exist, it just means you haven't met any (that you're aware of). NOT ALL WOMEN LIKE THE SAME THINGS AND THE SAME KINDS OF GUYS, BECAUSE WE ARE INDIVIDUALS WITH INDIVIDUAL TASTES AND PREFERENCES.


have you ever approached a guy, made the first move or asked a guy out first? my gut feeling tells me you haven't



wilburforce
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08 Nov 2015, 3:12 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
maybe only as friends, just not in a romantic/sexual way


I have dated shy guys before, as I'm sure other women on this site have as well. Lots of women like shy guys, just because you haven't met any yet doesn't mean they don't exist, it just means you haven't met any (that you're aware of). NOT ALL WOMEN LIKE THE SAME THINGS AND THE SAME KINDS OF GUYS, BECAUSE WE ARE INDIVIDUALS WITH INDIVIDUAL TASTES AND PREFERENCES.


have you ever approached a guy, made the first move or asked a guy out first? my gut feeling tells me you haven't


The first guy I had a big crush on (this was in high school) I approached. He didn't even know I existed until I went up to him in the hallway and gave him my number with a big smile and told him to call me because I thought he was really cute and interesting. That night after school he called me and not long after we were dating. It didn't end well because he turned out to be a selfish twat, but he was the first (but not the last) guy that I approached and showed interest in. There were two other guys later in high which I approached in similar ways and started relationships. There were several guys also from college and later that I approached myself. So yeah, we do exist (women that like to approach guys we are interested in) and it does happen.