Loneliness

Post Reply New Topic

Lol, nah, I'm 34 and a dinosaur as far as video games are concerned. I write music and read dense textbooks now for my sanity time-- I'm one of those information addicted autistics. I feel I get more out of life having Plato lecture to me across 2k+ years than listen to other people talk about how great the new "in" film is.

I will say this though, if you feel you're using writing as a way to escape that's a problem. I'm perfectly happy and comfortable being completely alone for vast stretches of time, however, not all autistics are that way-- many want social interaction they just aren't good at it. If you feel lonely you should find a way to solve it because it leads to overwhelming stress, which in my opinion is a serious health issue. Besides, what happens when you get writer's block?

@Outrider
I don't know what it's like socially "down under" but if it's anything like the states the non-conformist approach can have really negative impacts, especially if you're ambitious like you claim. By ambitious I'm assuming you're looking towards your future and if that's the case realize that anymore most companies value social skills and conformity more than actual ability. You'd do best to slowly start interacting with the conformists since you seem to possess the requisite social skills-- in the future one of them may land a good job with a company that also has need for a skill set you possess. It's sickening to me, but the truth is: it's not what you know but who you know.

Yeah, I am not actually an introvert at all, but an ambiverted aspie. I spend 99% of my time indoors because I'm forced to, not out of choice. Where i used to live I use to spend nearly every weekend with my two good friends and we used to go to all sorts of places. My best friend and I also hung out all the time as children. I live away from them all now, though. We still meet up occasionally and keep in contact online but it's just not the same.

And, when it comes to interests, I actually have some very extroverted interests. I also like acting and am planning to audition in plays in the future, I do enjoy making music however I still only do that outside, and I like writing and there's plenty of meet-up groups for writers and classes and such. So I could combine them with getting out as well.

Aristophanes: Thanks for the tip, but I'm aware of that. It's mainly in regards to my social life and making friends. With careers and such, I can act and 'play the part' to function in society decently.

Just, when it comes to making friends, I prefer to be my best self. I don't just be myself and make my aspergers clear, I get all the aspects of my personality and capitalize on them. I'm always acting, but not in a fake way. At school for example I feel like an actor playing a character, however the character is myself - I'm actually playing a 'better' version myself. The character is basically me x10 - all the positive and eccentric aspects of my personality exaggerated. I'm not going to boast that I'm 'unique' or 'special' or anything, because I don't consider myself those things at all. It's more like that around others I am something of a caricature, and to see my relaxed side you have to know me personally. The young man behind the character. I also express my eccentric or odd behaviors confidently.

Most people do act differently in public or with friends than in real life though, so this is nothing new.

I do however like to think that some people put more effort into 'playing a character' than others. Some people might mostly be themselves in public, with maybe a few extra politeness or friendliness than usual here and there. Some people act completely different and put on a completely different personality. What I do is try to bring out the best in me to others. But I am also open and honest and do not hide flaws, but use confidence to minimize the negativities they might bring. Something a lot of N.T's I've noticed sometimes do.

And it's just a fact that I like people who many would consider 'different'. That's just my personal taste and I accept others who like to befriend those who are 'conformists'.

It's interesting what you've been saying about actors and characters, Outrider. I'm different in that I just act like my quirky, silly self even in public on occasion, although I'm much more subdued about it when I'm in a place I don't like [such as school or a mall].

Yeah, it seems a lot of aspies and maybe shy people/introverts in general will be fairly quiet and closed-off at school, work or other places and at home are energetic and open about themselves.

Well I seem to just be the opposite. I put maximum effort in to bring out the best in myself when not at home. It's very draining mentally but I still enjoy the satisfaction of knowing I came across as pretty normal.

At home I'm shyer and quiet. I put less effort into trying so hard and prefer to just relax. And also spend most of my time in my room anti-socially.

That's what I mean when it comes to getting to know me - the person 'behind their character'. So, yeah in public and outside of the house you're seeing my more confident, expressive side.

Bit of an interesting analogy to compare myself with, but I'd say imagine something along the lines of Freddie Mercury. He was a shy man in real life with a wild side on stage.

When you say you become 'subdued' in places you don't like, do you mean places you hate or are uncomfortable in? Because I think that's just normal, and I've experienced it before, do you just mean anxiety attacks or 'shutdowns' that sort of make you number and a bit neutral/'robotic' instead of being yourself?

I only seem to feel that when especially anxious. Or large crowded city areas to simply avoid trouble or attracting the wrong kind of attention.

If I could give a name to that feeling where you feel yousort of have no personality or can't express it and seem neutral/lacking in personality, I'd call it 'Empty Canvas Mode'.

When I become subdued I sort of shut myself inside of myself and barricade my heart from feeling much until I can get the heck out of there. Afterwards I often feel drained and I need to do something fun to be able to cope. For instance, the fire alarm went off a couple days ago at school, and I very nearly screamed and almost had a panic attack because I was trapped in a herd of rampaging students, so I closed myself off until I was outside in the fresh air. I spent the remainder of the wait outside lamenting the fact that there wasn't really anything fun to do right at that moment and since I couldn't go home I was emotionally drained until I was able to leave. School often makes me shut myself away, which is one of the million reasons why I don't like school at all.

Oh, I see. I know what you mean now, I use t have those issues before overcoming them. But like I said certain situations it's still an issue, mainly in public in crowded areas or situations where it's best to avoid attention (busy city streets, etc.)

Question so when you say you're fine 'occasionally in public' what sort of situations would that be?

I'm occasionally as well,. Can be confident in public, try to walk and look confident, just very crowded areas or situations where you don't want to attract attention really get me. Or also just general situations where you might feel vulnerable.

My last major public panic attack was when I rode the train alone into the big city (had a friend and his family help me on, make sure I was all sorted). I was supposed to meet someone and he wasn't there immediately so I freaked out inside. Just felt my whole body go numb and drained. No money, no food/water, lone teenager in the city, heavy luggage,etc. but he showed up only 30 seconds later anyway and I still had a cell phone.

How often would you say panic or anxiety attacks you get are irrational on reflection?

I only feel frustrated with myself for being so stupid sometimes. I function well for an aspie but can get overconfident/arrogant at times, thinking I don't have any issues or struggles at all when the evidence is that I do.

Well, if I'm with someone I'm comfortable with [such as my dad or mum], than I am usually fine in public places [such as malls as long as we don't take too long]. However, when I'm by myself at school or wherever, than I'm more likely to feel stressed or uncomfortable.
Every panic attack I have always triggers a 'flight, not fight' response, and because of that I can often act irrationally [grabbing my school bag and laptop during a fire drill even though 90% of the time it really is just a drill, for example].

we resort to fantasy to escape the reality we were never meant for.

hell, I have taken to writing sci-fi just to express how I see things using the world I am created.

Yeah, self-expression and the arts and escapism are common things we as aspies do I would think. I know I've written poems and all that over non-mainstream thoughts or ideas of the world I want to express or to disagree with mainstream ideals.

that's how most of our most mold breaking writers are born. just don't listen to people who think binary. they limit the world, themselves and everyone else.

I'm feeling more lonely than usual right now because I'm sick, but I'm still managing to write more of my latest book. Creativity is one of my defining characterizations, which is also yet another reason why I don't like school. If I ever adopt a child, homeschooling will be the way to go for me.

Sci-Fi and cute animals the best remedies for loneliness - and when you mix them together....

It's kind of ironic. I'm usually the one to try to cheer people up on this forum. But now I kind of need cheering up. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I still feel like moving to New Zealand, and I almost wish that I could push that desire away for now because I can't go anywhere at the moment.

Yeah, I believe school typically discourages creativity. I'm lucky to have a school that seems to highly value the arts, however.

But, at the same time, I feel to an extent, it's all a bit of an illusion.

Because the arts still follow 'rules', 'formulas' and such - if you take Art class, you might have a choice when painting, but it's still to fit a certain 'standard'/criteria.

One amusing thing is, at my school right now, the art kids are doing an assignment on the style of Post-modernism. Post-modernism is ironically something not designed to be marked, and is about purely the artist's expression. Instead they are being given rules, conventions, etc. the art kids themselves agreed with me post-modernism was a poor choice and something else would have fit better.

And also, if you're involved in your school band/instrumental program, it's all about only practicing/playing whatever 'they' want you to play. You can write your own pieces but they'll never see their place up on stage.

The only time you can 'sort of' truly express yourself is the school 'Arts Day', but even then it's very strict and limiting. For instance, if you wanted to perform a musical act, it had to be solo or duo, and from the looks of it only a limited selection of instrument, stuff like acoustic guitar, keyboard, drums, and other generic stuff. I don't mean that in an offensive way, but when you have about 10 different acts that all have to do those instruments, then it gets boring. You couldn't even use your own composition, only a cover song. Again, covers aren't bad, but 10 in a row is imo. This one group of males wanted to do an acappella performance, but their idea was rejected. Sounds like an amazing idea to me. I have heard one of them sing and he's good even without an instrument.

This is why I don't get involved in my school's arts at all, even if I do write and make music. I take theatre/acting class but that's it. Simply put even on the fricken arts day I couldn't have gotten involved because my music goes outside of the standard. I can play keyboard decently, but would rather not have done a cover, and needed to find a singer anyway (you needed a singer, solo or duet).

Last edited by Outrider on 27 Sep 2015, 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Moving to New Zealand? That's interesting, why so? It's a nice place there, I've never visited but have wanted to and I am determined that I will one day.

Or, would it be best I don't mention it? I know that feeling, sort of holding on to the future. Future actions, future goals, etc. Being near my high school graduation I can't stop obsessing about the future and being a young adult.

Just remember if you want people to talk to there's always here. It's been my main source of socialization since the school holidays began here in Australia. It's been my only option to be honest, because I am more of a social aspie but dont have friends who want to hang out outside of school. Just not those type of people they aren't.