Do you have a red flag list?

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Mainly vibes, their mannerisms and tones.

This is a really weird example, but people generally move in for a kiss, but this person subtly grabbed my chin and turned it towards him. Not enough for people to outwardly notice that it was problematic, but at that moment I knew he was a dickhead.

Sure enough.....

Fnord,

You can't measure arrogance. Someone might be arrogant sometimes only

What is arrogant is subjective

Schizophrenia is a diagnosis, not a choice

Not everyone in jail is guilty

Someone could be fat for many reasons. Prader Willi Syndrome

There is always someone without the red flags you considered, that appears trustworthy

And you might make the mistake of forming an emotional attachment to someone, that later picks up some red flag warning signs

...or you could develop a red flag warning sign? s**t happens.

I don't get approached by many men but men I would generally avoid other than the obvious (criminals and drug addicts et al)...

1. Men who get upset easily. I don't care for people with tempers or drama queens.
2. Men who are "fixer uppers".
3. Men who don't respect boundaries.
4. Men who have a problem with me socializing with other men. Most of my social contacts are male so he is going to have to be ok with that.
5. Men who are desperate (more often seen in teenaged boys rather than men though). Desperation is not a health basis for a relationship.
6. Men who want me to finance some aspect of their life. Red flag for ulterior motives for the relationship.
7. Men who are in a relationship, even if they claim they are leaving her. I don't play that game. He must be 100% single.
8. Men who do not have long term legal residency. See comment for number 6.
9. Liars.
10. 10s.

I remember posting in this thread a year or two, ago. Will have a look back through it, as I recall everyone posting, quite valuable and useful information...

Hi Amity, btw.

Mine is pretty basic.

Can they listen? Do they actually hear what you are saying and respond appropriately?

Can they apologize when appropriate? Is it a real apology, vs. blame-shifting and excuse-making?

How do they treat people of (perceived) higher social rank? (Perceived) lower social rank?

How do they react to the setting of appropriate boundaries? (I need to go now; I will be unable to see you, I've come down with the flu; Sorry, I'm already overcommitted and can't accept this assignment or request)

Is their sense of humor kind or mean? Is it based on belittling either people or groups? Do they have an unthinking, reflexive response to members of any group*?

How "turfy" are they? How often and how widely do they regard others as competitors? (Do they compulsively "one-up" everything you share? Do they withhold key information from you on the job? Etc.)

How do they respond to others' real need, or real pain?

Do they keep their promises? Do they try to dodge responsibility and dump it on you?

Are they mentally/emotionally lazy (do they think in slogans without any appraisal of those slogans and who might benefit from having people believe them? Do they expect you to figure everything out, do all the emotional work)?

These work in any setting - home, school, work, religious observance, socializing, at the doctor's office, etc. Unfortunately, there are a lot of doinks out there, so it's useful to identlfy them early.

*Serious food for thought here, about the human capacity for growth and change. Reformed (and Atoning) Former White Supremacist Christian Picciolini

Signs of a lack of kindness or compassion put me off.

Sulking too - life is too short.

My Red Flag List

• If he is a cop or into law enforcement (definite big no.....Just no.... Will not work at all...)

• If he's too "human"/too "normal" (meaning, if he's like mostly "normal". I don't know how to describe it. He doesn't have to be an otherkin or anything of that sort. But we would most likely not be compatible if he's too much of the norm.)

• If he tells me Shadow or any of my soulbonds do NOT exist (it just won't work out. He doesn't have to believe in what I do. But he da*n sure needs to respect me and my beliefs.)

• If he is kinkshamer/has a problem with my sexuality and interests (nope not doing it)

• If he's not alright with me being polygamous (obviously that wouldn't work out)

• If he's a liar (that's pretty much with anyone)

• If I find out he's posting/sharing things about how crazy and a "sick freak" I am for my interests, beliefs etc. (who would stay with someone at that point?)

There is probably more that I can list but those are the main ones I have thought of.

Expects to be able to get a date while insulting people for their hobbies; for example, one dude I met on OKCupid had it out for hipsters and when I told him I was interested in Urban Exploration, he said "that's something hipsters are into. just saying".

Barchan your response is a bit extreme. I mean violence towards anyone is a weak and imbalanced reaction... even if taken as a metaphor it's connotations relate to a powerlessness which leads to a 'ends justify the means' ideology.
Rationalising violence towards another living being is not okay.