Calls me by last name

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There is this woman at work who I am trying to get interested in me. We are talking more, emailing back and forth a couple of times a week. She is pretty attractive, and does seem to enjoy talking to me. But when she emails me or talks to me she usually calls me by my last name. No Mr. or Dr. with it, just my last name.

Since I know about as much as a rock does about interpersonal attraction, does this mean anything? Is it good or bad that she refers to me this way? I always call her by her first name, except one time I did refer to hear as Dr. ____ but it was kind of in jest as well.

Interpersonal relations with the opposite sex can be so confusing.

'ey ProfJohn, aren't you in a relationship?

I would say that this person insists upon a certain amount of formality in your dealings.

So that would mean not good for romance?

I'd have to be there to determine that.

But it might not bode well.

What is she to you at the school?

Yes but it is kind of complicated-confusing right now, and it wouldn't hurt to have a back up.

A colleague. She is a professor in a different department. Of course most of my friends in college called me by my last name also. maybe it is just a great last name!

I suppose you are right about that. How about the other woman you fancied? Has she lost interest?

I suppose people in academia often use very formal ways to refer to each others even when they are like friends, but I still think it is a bad sign and that she mostly sees you as an interesting colleague. But I'd have to observe that IRL in order to be sure.

It really depends on the overall context and way in which she is saying it, as well as the dynamic of your friendship. If she's very formal about it, or if your conversations are more serious than light-hearted, I'd say you're out of luck. On the other hand, if your conversations tend to be more laid back with lots of jokes interwoven within them and a bit of cheekiness, you're at least good friends.

Some people like to find an alternate name/names to call people they're close with (a surname may fit the bill). In friendship dynamics like that, it helps keep a happy, light-hearted mood between the two people. If this is the case with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that she's romantically interested in you (but she could be), but at the very least, this means she enjoys your company.

I'm assuming that she knows your first name to begin with.

Yes, she does know my first name, and our interactions are pretty informal and friendly, with some kidding going on. She tells me often that I am funny, and we will talk business now and then, but also just about what is going on in our lives and things like that.

I saw her last night at her job. We talked for 10 minutes or so. She seemed kind of tired so not as flirtatious or lively as usual. She is still with her boyfriend. He is a long haul truck driver and was going to try to find a job around here so he wouldn't be gone so long. He gave up on that idea because the ones around here don't pay near as well. I am kind of hoping the long separations between them gets to be too much for her and they break up.

I am just trying to stay in the picture until she is available again.

I think you're riding somewhat of a slippery slope at this point.

But you know that already--and perhaps that's what you desire at this point: a little adventure.

No moral judgement here...but this might not be good for your kids.

Umm, calling people their last name doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to be formal with you. It's not that it cannot happen, assuming she's a doctor and you're a professor that may be the acceptable thing I guess, but for people without titles; quirky/special or just "sticking out" last names can actually become that person's nickname. And also, maybe his first name is like Bob or john/jack or something so calling one by his last name may be more unique.

I wouldn't read into it too much. There could be a million reasons why she uses your last name. Some examples would be; she thinks your last name is cool/unique, she calls everybody by their last name, she heard someone else use it, etc. I have had girls use my last name (because everyone else did), and they were actually interested, so it's not always a bad thing.

I would be more concerned about the way she interacts with you. Is she serious, playful, etc.?

We are rather non-serious during most of our interactions, just more funloving. Her emails to me start out as:

Hey _________ !

Which is pretty informal. I do have a rather common first name, so maybe the last name thing is more unique or something like that. One of my friends in my department, who is 18 years older than I, says she calls him by his last name at times, and other times by his first name, but there is no romantic interest between the two of them.

When I do talk to her we do stand rather close to each other and she maintains eye contact most of the time. Her specialty is special ed, so I am assuming she knows all about Asperger's, but I haven't brought up my condition with her yet.

If only she was a few years younger (she is 42) and further removed from menopause......