Asperger's and depersonalization/loss of sense of self?

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jewel93
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07 Nov 2015, 12:46 pm

Does anyone here with Asperger's have problems with existential crises/depersonalization/loss of your sense of self, whatever you wanna call it?

I do and it's torture. I have difficulty distinguishing what's truly me and what's actually Asperger's. What do you do to deal with it?



Last edited by jewel93 on 07 Nov 2015, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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07 Nov 2015, 12:50 pm

I drink coffee & commune with machines...


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xile123
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07 Nov 2015, 1:22 pm

yes, ive been getting it for 3 years now. depersonalization sucks.



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07 Nov 2015, 2:07 pm

Pretty damn often.

I try to structure my days a little and structure myself to who I need to be at any given time. Doesn't always work but often does


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07 Nov 2015, 2:34 pm

I have to a degree from trying to pass as typical for so long. I don't know if something is an added skill or me faking it without realizing it.


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07 Nov 2015, 2:41 pm

jewel93 wrote:
I have difficulty distinguishing what's truly me and what's actually Asperger's.


Because it's impossible to do so! You can't separate you in two different things... Everything in you so tightly mixed together that it would sound weird to say "This part of me is me, this one is Asperger's". It's you in every case...

I'm sorry I can't help about the other things you said in your post



corroonb
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07 Nov 2015, 2:53 pm

I understand what you're going through but there is no point to asking yourself these questions. You are not a syndrome or a collection of symptoms. You are a person. Everyone has crises of identity. You define yourself through your actions, not your thoughts.



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07 Nov 2015, 3:28 pm

Quote:
You define yourself through your actions, not your thoughts.


I think this is a good quote. It's true too right? You are dedited by how you act and not how you've been made?


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07 Nov 2015, 3:35 pm

I used to obsess over being disabled. What helped was being around other people with disabilities, strangely enough. I also realized what the above posters are saying, that it's impossible to distinguish "me" and "my neurological disability---whatever it is". It's all within my brain, therefore it's all me. Even my ataxic cerebral palsy related issues are me.

Maybe spending time with people with neurological disabilities--any disability, autism or not--might help.


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xile123
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07 Nov 2015, 6:08 pm

starfox wrote:
Quote:
You define yourself through your actions, not your thoughts.


I think this is a good quote. It's true too right? You are dedited by how you act and not how you've been made?


One of my favorite quotes of all time.

"You are what you do"



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07 Nov 2015, 6:44 pm

"Define yourself by what you do, not by your autism" - Temple Grandin

Identity is complex, and I am not totally in agreement with TG's point of view if her statement is to be taken as an absolute, though I get the more subtle point that I think she was trying to make. We are our actions, our talents, our aptitudes, our achievements - and if we define ourselves by what we have not done, can't do, won't do, or are told we can't do - then we might as well tie chains around our ankles.

When I first came to WP, I thought that Aspergers was something that I "had", a limitation. But the more I learned here, (and at that time there seemed to be far more discussion about where the boundaries of being on the spectrum were) I came to see that though my talents and personality were so intricately entwined with, and laced together by the patterns of Aspergers, that this was my Self, and that Self was - like anyone else - a fascinating mixture.

Having reached that stage of realisation, it became very hurtful to read things written by those who wanted "a cure" for what was in fact my personality and talents. It is very hurtful to see your personality described as a "medical disorder". Still, I know that I live in a world that is largely ignorant of the lived experience of being an Aspergerian person, and I know that a lot of that ignorance has been internalised by (particularly young) people on the spectrum, and I understand how and why this happened; I am not a diagnosis; I am me. I made that transition on WP, and so it will always have a special place in my heart, because it gave me that gift of integration and greater self-awareness.



jewel93
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07 Nov 2015, 7:34 pm

So is Asperger's really a part of one's personality? And it isn't really an illness? (I'm new to this idea and found out I may have Asperger's not long ago, sorry.)

I just don't see how...I mean, it causes me unhappiness at times...such as strong misunderstandings and rough patches with my loved ones, the sensitivity to outer stimuli (for me, sound and sometimes light and touch), the lack of social skills, etc. How can that not be considered a disability or an illness?



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07 Nov 2015, 7:40 pm

If rough patches with loved ones were a disability, then everyone would qualify as disabled, because they are an everyday part of everyday human experience. I am hypersensitive to sound, and that has good and not so good aspects for me - it has greatly enhanced my musical ability, performance and appreciation; however white noise is so intense that I can't think while exposed to it. I don't think I would change that now, even if I could. The thing is to accept the entirety of ourselves, especially those parts that we can't change. Self-acceptance is intrinsic to being (or becoming) emotionally comfortable in your own skin..



jewel93
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07 Nov 2015, 7:44 pm

B19 wrote:
If rough patches with loved ones etc were a disability, then everyone would qualify as disabled, because they are an everyday part of everyday human experience.


I don't mean it that way...I mean like, I can never articulate what I want to say, the way I want to say it like a person more socially adept could. And I can only attribute it to Asperger's, because the people I know who are better with socializing have this problem less frequently.



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07 Nov 2015, 7:51 pm

Verbal/social communication is a particular challenge. It seems to take us much longer to develop some degree of fluency in it than neurotypical people, because (ironically) we are very verbal,we tend to focus on words rather than attending to things like body language, mood, vibes and the bigger communication patterns that go on in social encounters. I notice that when I am in a group of ASD people, (at my social anxiety group) we have no trouble at all communicating with each other, and part of this is the feeling of safety and acceptance which creates an atmosphere of trust between people.



jewel93
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07 Nov 2015, 10:38 pm

So we tend to focus more on words themselves rather than on body language and other social cues?



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