Anything random to say about your crush/love/relationship?

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I don't know if this is random or not, my last comments were a long wake up call to injustices in my personal life but of late, I've been trying to turn it around and be on the lookout for strangers who are more than your average share of crap and have got plenty of charm and charisma. That is what has happened anyway, and I am feeling this person doesn't try to fake their charm with a woman, but they do however, have plenty of charisma, (with the wrong network of friends.) He video called me tonight to probably try to escape his harsh world that he resides in. He is a foreigner, but that is fine, I have mixed European blood. Only he is more on the Eastern side, but he does speak good English. Lately I've been attracting many to me. I kind of feel, its been long over due, as I have been trying endlessly for years, to meet somebody who matches my climatic out take of breath and scenery. Now, he is going all voodoo on me, and saying as a Libra, I need my space. s**t, I only talked to him once and he was smoking some G. You know, I'm thinking, fine you work, but your blowing all your savings out on some weed? This is like some endless sabbatical I've been on, that have turned into recreational journeys for some past addicts as well as ex convicts who left their crime stamp book at the back door. I said to him, yeah my ex bloke was on that stuff and he died. Waited for the reaction, and it was more a soft goodnight than anything else. He also is into kinky s**t and stuff, and I'm like, you're telling me not to waste any talents I've got, and look what you're doing! Also spoke briefly about employment, about what he does, which was unclear. I've finally got the message, that it isn't good. When something can't be clarified, correctly, what's the crummy use in clarifying it? I also mentioned at the end of last week of the first convo, as it was going well, about my condition, and there was a brief pause and now I'm wishing I hadn't of mentioned it.
I feel now he is going to be cooling things down and try to grow a protective beard over me or something.
Also, I felt stupid because the vid icons I never use, and I kept pressing different intercom buttons on the keypad, and it f****d up and in the end, I think he just grew more tired of waiting. At least I sussed out a few things amidst the chaos, that I've ended up in his head all day every day. I think, oh no, bad, bad, bad. It isn't rare that we clicked only swapping over 600 messages may be, but in his Hebrew mind, perhaps I just gave him an insight into the western world. How we do things. Not a glimmer of hope. I'm no ones golden goose. I now know he is a drug addict, and I may have to end things quickly before they escalate into a downwards spiral of drug cartel related activity on his part, and which I don't want to know about.
Last note to all, yes he is fit, but you can't download images from a dating app or site, and I worry a lot about him losing bone muscle and fat tissue, because he isn't eating much now but the s**t he inhales.
I am a health guru, and I once called him my spiritual guru. His friends are nothing more than door to door salesmen druggies, and if that's the norm where he's from, then maybe we can bring camels out in force and teach them to smoke the stuff too. I'm going to have to solace myself, with the notion that despite my undying support and taking direct action on the principles, its no better than trying to force a monsoon out of a curry house.
Thing is, what humour there was is being stripped back to reveal his contents, and they're not too good. I know that deep down there is something, but as this was a random search on my part, I should expect nothing more than a kiss from his God.

I love you Shadow~ You're a really cool dude~

I'll know when I'm ready to meet your family whenever you feel ready to meet my family.

Claude, you're so sweet to me. I love you~

Here's a song just for you:

Your face is like a song
Your sweet eyes whisper
And I want to sing along
Your features are in tune
Let's sing together
And turn every month to June
Your face has - makes me a happy fellow
No more singing a capella
No longer lonely
Loving you only


Your lips with mine will rhyme
And when they touch me
It's a symphony divine
Your cheeks your nose your hair
Sing me a melody
A melody so rare
Your face has - makes me a happy fellow
No more singing a capella
No longer lonely
Loving you only

I have to look within first, before I can attract what I wish for.

She's a bright blue flame - the sweetness makes her burn extra hot.

She always is so positive and is full of joy!!

I love you Shadow.

I know you've always hated people who are on The Spectrum, but I don't care. I love you.

I need to rise myself up before I can attract a partner.

My crush has the most beautiful eyes and a sarcastic wit that drives me wild.

I hope the pretentious gossip dies down before anyone alienates you. New friends don't displace the old ones.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

You tell me you don't want a relationship and that I'm a good friend but you want me to move halfway across England to be with you.

Are you conflicted or am I a fool?

Do you actually care about me or are you just using me?

Or should I just forget everything and live in the moment?

We both are romantic types, so do you want to sing this with me next time our school has a karaoke event?

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely." - Charlie Brown.