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hvtitan08
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25 Nov 2015, 1:23 pm

I have tried looking all over my city to find somebody, as well as online, but there has been no success in me finding a relationship. What am I doing wrong?
When I approach a woman, I ask her if she's seeing somebody or I tell her that I would like to get to know her better. It seems like I'm doing something wrong in the way I'm approaching women. I am feeling that I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life.
I've tried interracial dating, I've tried adult dating, I've tried Christian dating, but it goes to hell after the meeting online.
What should I do? :(


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Chris Poole


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25 Nov 2015, 1:46 pm

hvtitan08 wrote:
I have tried looking all over my city to find somebody, as well as online, but there has been no success in me finding a relationship. What am I doing wrong?
When I approach a woman, I ask her if she's seeing somebody or I tell her that I would like to get to know her better. It seems like I'm doing something wrong in the way I'm approaching women. I am feeling that I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life.
I've tried interracial dating, I've tried adult dating, I've tried Christian dating, but it goes to hell after the meeting online.
What should I do? :(


I think that perhaps you are being a bit too forward? Despite what you've been taught by the media and online presentations, not all guys can actually pull that off IRL. And to be brutally honest, they have to be in the top X percent in physical attraction &/or charisma *and* be in the top X+1 percent in social skills. Or by incredible chance be a perfect fit for who they are meeting (in which case the couple may also be married and divorced within six months if they don't take the time to be sure).

My advice is to stop making it your goal, stop being so driven. Stop just trying to get laid. For many women, a guy who is that direct comes off as only caring about how he can *use* them physically for his enjoyment (ie, creepy). Instead of telling her you'd like to get to know her better, be patient and...actually get to know her better. Care about her as a person. It's risky and statistically you do get hurt most of the time until you find The One. But like so much of life every now and then you also find something wonderful; a friend. And if it's a romantic friend with a mutual physical attraction, all the better.

This is one of those sucky life processes where unless you happen to be exceedingly lucky at the onset (or have lower standards, or are born perfect in every way), you have to go through a repetitive process of trial & error & learning, too ...and eventually become slightly desensitized to the hurt of failure. But when you think it'll never happen, keep in mind that those failed trials make "success" (hopefully that means finding a lover *and* friend) all that much sweeter.


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Catlover5
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25 Nov 2015, 1:48 pm

You will have been here 4 years tomorrow! :D

I think the problem is the asking if they're seeing someone and saying you want to "get to know them better" when you approach them for the first time, because it gives the game away too suddenly. IMO you should wait for a while after you've started talking to a girl you like before you ask her out.

I'm not an expert on stuff like this so please disregard what I'm saying if you feel it's not "right".



hvtitan08
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25 Nov 2015, 1:56 pm

Catlover5 wrote:
You will have been here 4 years tomorrow! :D

I think the problem is the asking if they're seeing someone and saying you want to "get to know them better" when you approach them for the first time, because it gives the game away too suddenly. IMO you should wait for a while after you've started talking to a girl you like before you ask her out.

I'm not an expert on stuff like this so please disregard what I'm saying if you feel it's not "right".



I quite understand what you are saying.


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Chris Poole


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25 Nov 2015, 2:20 pm

Don't ask, just spend time getting to know each other and give her a chance to be interested, you actions and words will show her if your interested you don't have to say it eg you could finish a date by saying I'd really like to see you again or send a message.


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GiantHockeyFan
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25 Nov 2015, 2:45 pm

Probably my single best date with my Fiancee was when we went to a local pub. While we waited for our order, we just looked at each other and didn't say anything. Before I knew it, both our hands reached across the table and I knew beyond any doubt she was into me.

There are a number of females I got to know quite well (not in a dating way) just by being myself and being genuinely interested in them. I didn't even have to "try".



Pineapplejuicex
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25 Nov 2015, 2:58 pm

Just invite her out someplace low-key and public, like a drink at a pub or coffee at Starbucks.