Do I *need* friends?

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i was called "mister" when i was 16 once. ego rush.

^^ good for you

i have found that there are some legitimately decent people out there...i can't see why they would intentionally hurt. that's not to say it is impossible, but it may be less emotionally taxing to not dwell on what may possibly happen in the future? a thought.

don't even know what my own concept of "small talk" IS.

I always been a loner thou I have had some friends; just not many. I only have one friend besides my girlfriend but I only see him maybe a couple times a year sense I moved across the country to be with her. I am dependent in general & like spending alot of time with my girlfriend & am needy & clingy within a romantic relationship. I wouldn't mind having one or two friends at times but for the most part I'm OK with not having friends & my girlfriend is kind of the same way partly because she has anxiety issues so it works for us.

I'm currently living with two roommates, one of whom I would definitely consider my best friend whom I used to date. I generally avoid making friends, because they take a lot of time and effort and I usually feel the reward is not worth the cost. I still take care to act friendly towards people though, I don't want to be rude. But I have no desire to spend time with anyone outside of their "place". My best friend lives with me, so I will spend at least a little time with them each day. But I will never invite people over to the apartment, or ask them out for coffee, or seek them out for a friendly exchange. I am reactive in most of my interactions.

It seems like the lack of desire for friendships is somewhat unusual even here. I never thought that it was a potentially negative thing, but lately I've been wondering if perhaps I'm wrong.

I do think, in a way, that lack of desire for companionship helped me blend in more. I generally experience other people as obstacles, which allowed me to learn how to navigate them without having to understand them. I saw what made them leave (desirable), and what made them intrigued or concerned (undesirable). My life became an exercise in studied dullness. If I'd had any desire to make friends, I'm sure I would have had a much more pained childhood.

The biggest problem is that it's hard to make and maintain friendships if you aren't genuinely interested in doing so. Unless you're (un)lucky enough to be chosen. You could be a lump of algae and still be chosen by someone determined enough. That's how it happened with my first girlfriend. I'm still puzzled by it.

tl;dr : I think it's strange that people think you *need* friends, though I can see the logic of having people handy in case you slip and fall in the shower who can rescue you before the cat eats you.

I think it's nice to have friends but I would have them out of a desire of friendship. In some areas of the world a person can live without friends, yes, but other areas (especially the ones without a decent infrastructure or are backwards) friends are probably a good thing to have. Of course, I would consider moving to a better area before I would tackle the subject of whether I need friends or not.

You just have to find the right people to hang with. It takes patience and a willingness to put up with rejection. No one can make you less or more worthy than you already feel about yourself.

Intimacy is a basic human need, much like eating, sleeping or breathing. Humans are social creatures. If you don't bond with other people, you'll find something else to bond to. Sometimes this drive results in self-destructive behavior (bonding with alcohol, drugs, etc., instead of people). Lack of intimacy can lead to anxiety and depression.

ok, i am 34 years old. in elementary school, it was like everyone got along. in junior high school, plenty of precious little "people" bullied me. and likewise, i did not (seem to) fit in. social outcast. pariah. wished for friends. in high school, no friends. a couple students i hung out with, but they gave the impression they were tolerating me. not that i was one of them. in college, same thing.

but after college, i realized that if they were just tolerating me, passive aggressively, then, when something came up, they could (correctly) treat me like i owe them something. leverage. this has happened before.

likewise, a couple of the precious little "friends" that i have had, told me they were my "friends", but i have a hard time fancying that they could have treated their other friends the same way they treated me. (as badly/dismissively/disrespectfully). but, i was too afraid that if i set boundaries, they would not wanna be my precious lil "friends" no more. so i failed to set boundaries. (fine). and then sooner or later they did not wanna be my precious lil "friends" anymore anyways. (rolls eyes)



but whatever, they were way too judgmental anyways.

and a friendship does not necessarily have to be completely equal status all the time. and certainly no scorekeeping necessary. (fine). and i am willing to compromise, tolerate, negotiate, and et cetera. but they were not.

anyways, if i see someone on the street, that i recognize, we might have a brief conversation. (fine). but no hanging out or purposely going out of my own way to interact with someone.

the homeless around here usually act social and nice and friendly. they say "hi" and "how are you". it's almost like they have a social contract that they say that. then they do not say or do anything else.

anyways i am 34 years old right now. the wrestling federation puts wrestlers 35 years and older as "masters". in the military, 34 year olds can weigh more than 18 year olds. plenty of 34 year olds have advanced degrees, careers, spouses, children.

usually, if someone has succeeded vocationally, academically, socially, or athletically, it has already occurred before someone turned 34.

but whatever.

thus i am on the decline. big deal.

if i had real friends, my precious little "life" would be better. (fine).

but, since i am autistic, i find it hard to discern someone's ulterior motives.

interacting with the precious little "friends" that had the nerve to dump my rotten corpse, on FaceBook, was worse, for me, than to not have them altogether.

it was like an emotional rollercoaster.

and besides, what if i have no friends? what drastic thing will occur (that otherwise would not have occurred)?

sometimes i feel left out and etcetera b/c precious lil "people" go around in stampedes. but whatever.