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I think about suicide every day

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asp123
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13 Dec 2015, 8:45 pm

Andreger wrote:
I think about suicide every day, many times. I even have plan how to commit it in the most reliable way.
I have many problems, but I can't get not even help - but just an advice, because they are complex and not those which average person here could face in his life.
I tried to use suicide prevention lines and emails but they are useless, they can only help to one with some imaginary problems, and if one has real - all those hotlines are nothing.
There is nobody who can help me to deal with problems. Some family members of course will be upset by my suicide but it's only because it will break their pathetic illusion of good family which they have.
I wrote it just in attempt to get some temporary relief, I don't expect anything.


I feel just the same, have suicidal thoughs every single day, the medication aint working and talking to your doctor dosent make any difference other than just getting a presciption.. but perhaps the right medication would work?



Andreger
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14 Dec 2015, 4:30 pm

asp123 wrote:
I feel just the same, have suicidal thoughs every single day, the medication aint working and talking to your doctor dosent make any difference other than just getting a presciption.. but perhaps the right medication would work?


My problems cannot be solved by medication - they are not of some chemical imbalance.



Andreger
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14 Dec 2015, 4:31 pm

cathylynn wrote:
something i learned from a wise old friend: life is about giving yourself the best possible chance over and over. sooner or later, something will go right.


Time is playing against me, I don't have much time to experiment. A year probably, not more. Then I'll run completely out of money.



kraftiekortie
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14 Dec 2015, 9:37 pm

Nah man, don't do it!

You have a long life ahead of you.

Things might suck now---but they will get better.

It's a waste. It doesn't make any statements.

C'mon buddy, you're worth a lot. You are an intelligent person.

There's no reason to cause yourself to die.



Andreger
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15 Dec 2015, 5:26 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Nah man, don't do it!

You have a long life ahead of you.

Things might suck now---but they will get better.

It's a waste. It doesn't make any statements.

C'mon buddy, you're worth a lot. You are an intelligent person.

There's no reason to cause yourself to die.


And how it can get better? I have money for one year being student in the US, and then, if I won't have green card yet (I won't - it's at least 7 years to wait for me, unless I marry but that's impossible), I have to go back to my fuсking totalitarian state with society with which I have nothing in common, and where I will be imprisoned for any attempt of social activism, and probably will be prohibited from leaving it.

That is the reason. If you know what can get better, tell me please. I don't see any point how it can be solved.



slenkar
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15 Dec 2015, 5:53 pm

just give up the social activism then, concentrate on yourself.

If you get into some position of power you can turn a blind eye when someone does something that the state doesnt like.
That's about all you can do really.

You're not going to be a Martin Luther King, Ghandi or a George Washington, I cant think of any famous freedom fighters who have been successful in real totalitarianism.

Agitators are successful in countries where there is a degree of freedom.

The reign of the Khmer Rouge only ended when Cambodia was invaded by an outside force, same as Nazi Germany.
The Soviet Satellite countries only obtained freedom because of the collapse of the Soviet Empire.
The Cultural Revolution of Chairman Mao only ended because the other politicians saw how destructive it was.

If Ghandi had tried hunger strikes in a Soviet controlled country he would have simply been left to starve or quickly executed, if MLK had tried sit-ins the same would have happened to him.

George Washington was a rich land-owner who was also in a good position in the Army before deciding to oppose the Brits.



Andreger
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15 Dec 2015, 6:18 pm

slenkar wrote:
just give up the social activism then, concentrate on yourself.

If you get into some position of power you can turn a blind eye when someone does something that the state doesnt like.
That's about all you can do really.

You're not going to be a Martin Luther King, Ghandi or a George Washington, I cant think of any famous freedom fighters who have been successful in real totalitarianism.

Agitators are successful in countries where there is a degree of freedom.

The reign of the Khmer Rouge only ended when Cambodia was invaded by an outside force, same as Nazi Germany.
The Soviet Satellite countries only obtained freedom because of the collapse of the Soviet Empire.
The Cultural Revolution of Chairman Mao only ended because the other politicians saw how destructive it was.

If Ghandi had tried hunger strikes in a Soviet controlled country he would have simply been left to starve or quickly executed, if MLK had tried sit-ins the same would have happened to him.

George Washington was a rich land-owner who was also in a good position in the Army before deciding to oppose the Brits.


I tried but I cannot stop. Social and political activism - it is my life, the only its reason. I cannot just sit and been robbed by the dictator and his officials, or even more to participate in this robbery.

I am idealist, and earlier this year I even considered to go to one of wars as volunteer, to fight for freedom (and possibly die) but my eyesight barely allows me to drive a car, so any ranged combat is totally impossible even in glasses.

And mentally I'm totally different from people in my old country, but with Americans I feel like I'm finally at home.

So that is why I'm considering to end it now, as I don't see any reason to continue efforts.



slenkar
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15 Dec 2015, 6:26 pm

I understand where you are coming from because I used to be like that.

Being a social activist is kind of pointless though because you are simply informing others that things are messed up, Everyone is too distracted with job or family to do anything or is too scared of losing said job or family.

Can you not join the army and go into a technical field which doesnt need great eyesight (I dont know anything about the army - Im just asking)



Andreger
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15 Dec 2015, 6:35 pm

slenkar wrote:
I understand where you are coming from because I used to be like that.

Being a social activist is kind of pointless though because you are simply informing others that things are messed up, Everyone is too distracted with job or family to do anything or is too scared of losing said job or family.

Can you not join the army and go into a technical field which doesnt need great eyesight (I dont know anything about the army - Im just asking)


American Army? If I'd have green card - I can. Catch 22...

You are right that activism there is useless. But here it is not, here I even have some results. I just have a bit different approach.



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15 Dec 2015, 8:33 pm

Do you have any job prospects in your country?

If not, are you able to go to trade school to learn how to be an electrician,bricklayer or welder?



Andreger
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15 Dec 2015, 8:41 pm

slenkar wrote:
Do you have any job prospects in your country?

If not, are you able to go to trade school to learn how to be an electrician,bricklayer or welder?


I don't even think about returning there. Even if we won't consider politics (not many people can understand my idealism), now 20% people there have no money for food, 40% for clothes. This is about job prospects.

I was IT manager there, but I am too tired of feeling like in cage that I'd rather die here free than return.

I am son of American but due to bureaucracy will wait for green card longer than some of illegal aliens.

If I'd have green card, I'd have a job next week, I see every day great jobs that are exactly matching my experience - but they will never sponsor working visa.



Magi
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01 Jan 2016, 9:34 am

you should join the military to go fight isis



Peejay
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01 Jan 2016, 10:54 am

Travel



Andreger
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01 Jan 2016, 3:57 pm

Magi wrote:
you should join the military to go fight isis


I'm not eligible by health conditions and by lack of citizenship.



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01 Jan 2016, 3:59 pm

Peejay wrote:
Travel


For free?
I have money only for one year, and then I don't know what to do - neither going back to my old country that had turned into authoritarian dictatorship nor staying in America illegally are not an options.



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01 Jan 2016, 6:21 pm

I know money is tight but you are talking your future here.
Might be worth spending $100 dollars of your small funds to get a bus into the countryside get a cheap place to stay even for a couple of nights, see some new places.

It has worked for me when I have been really down it broadened my perspective, its a big world.