Dating in your 30s

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I've never had luck with online dating myself. I've tried a couple free ones and only ended up dealing with bots and I've tried a couple paid services only to get no responses at all.

Well if it helps, at least you are brave enough to try, either try to go on dates, try various ways/ methods that might lead to you meeting someone.
I find that hard enough just to think about, I am too self aware and critical to even dare try meet someone, so the fact that you actually are putting yourself out there on the market, trying, you can at least think to yourself that compared to some you do make an effort, you try, and that is all you can do.
I hope you wont have to go much longer, and that you will meet someone that makes your heart chime. If it takes some more time, at least better later than never at all

Best wishes

Been single for 10 years, it sucks but i get used to being alone.

After an amicable split from a LDR I guess I'm open to the idea of local dating again, or a very well thought out setup if it's long distance. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm actively seeking anything, merely open to it.

I have to say though it's very strange dating in my late 20's and 30's. I went on a couple of dates last year and while I had fun I didn't play any silly games. It didn't bode well with women around my age, though was fine for older women, which sadly felt uneasy with the idea of dating a younger person after all. Meh.

To OP and others in their 30's, hope you find what you're looking for.

I'm the same, I'll be analyzing myself all the time so find it hard to stay in the moment. It affects work and hobbies too. I've gotten better at it, but then sometimes go backwards it seems. I think one thing to remember, is that no one is judging you anywhere near as much as you are judging yourself. Have you always been that way?

"Most of the time though I let my obsessions get in the way and before I know it I'm making people think I'm a weirdo." Haha, I do that at work, I can't help myself. I guess it depends what the obsessions are But yes, learning from mistakes is the way, cause we all make them. It would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to be too hard on yourself.

33, single, don't care-ish. I mean, when the right person comes along I'm open to a relationship more now than ever, but don't mind being single as I'd rather be single than settle. I have other goals to focus on and other people in my life that I love to spend time with. Sometimes I feel single, but never lonely.

Not drinking can limit meeting people in some cultures. My twin brother has never drank a drop and he lives with his girlfriend. So, it's definitely not a 100% deal killer.

Re: Retiring wealthy in a tropical climate that values white men with money.. well, maybe that's your path. You wouldn't be the first that's done that. There's also no set timeline that people are "supposed" to be in relationships by or anything, so, maybe that's yours. Yeah, there are some cultures with firm expectations of marriage/kids by X age, but those rules certainly don't apply to every culture around the world. Large first world port cities seem to be a lot more multicultural and forgiving of older single people than traditional rural areas.

As for AS symptoms hindering you: do something about it and treat your AS symptoms in whatever ways work for you. Counselling, diet/exercise, pharmaceuticals, other methods etc - focus your energy on self improvement and removing the barriers that hold you back from having what you want and bit by bit you'll be a better you and the rest will eventually fall into place. I'm open to sharing what's worked for me if you care to read it. Feel free to pm.

Re: drinking.. as someone who spent a stint doing some (pre-eng) Ironwork a couple years ago, I get that drinking is quite socially ingrained in your work culture as well as society around you. However, there are many plausible reasons not to drink. You might just have to tell a little white lie and stick to it. ie, you could say that you were very ill when you were younger and your doctors told you you should never drink because medications you had to take did a number on your liver. Or you could say you saw a relative slowly lose their life to alcohol and vowed never to go down that path that seems to be a genetic predisposition in your family. Or you could say that you lose a friend/family member to a drunk driver and that just psychologically turned you off from ever drinking and you committed to being the sober designated driver forever since you don't uch care for the feeling of being drunk and especially not of being hungover. Or religious reasons. Or some girl's family you're trying to impress frowns upon drinking so you stay sober so as not to have any drunken stories make their way to them. etc. Plenty of plausible excuses not to drink that will be accepted by your peers, so long as they're not total as*holes. The last couple I listed might get you teased, but when it comes to a brief story about a personal tragedy - ie someone dying, then even the hardest of tough guy ironworkers or rig cowboys isn't going to say much unless he's a real piece of crap and then their opinion doesn't matter AT ALL anyways.

What's wrong with saying "I don't drink because it's not healthy and I have no reason to"?

As for age? Meh, whenever the time is right it's right. I know people who've had their best dating experiences in their teens, others in their 20's, others 30's, others 40's, and heck my great aunt seemed to be very happy going out on dates in her 60's and 70's after a couple of divorces long ago. There really is no set in stone ages for any of this stuff.

But I get how there are averages and norms etc and I look to my happily partnered friend who is 29 and get a little jealous since he's managed that at under 30. However, I know that he had a long term relationship go south and then spent 4 years or so in solo self reflection before dating again. Also, his partner is 45 (they had a fling years ago, so had history sorta), and I remind myself of that because he didn't find is match until he was 45. My brothers ex-wife is ~38 and her new bf is 50. (also divorced with kids, and a great guy as far as any of us can tell.) There's all kinds of different age matches and times in peoples' lives when these things happen, so if they don't happen at the typical time, so what?

Then there's.. alternative math. I'm 33.. went on a first date last night with someone I'd been chatting with who's.. 19. (33+19)/2=26. There, we average 26, a great age to be dating.

To "normal" people, nothing. But to some people, ie stereotypically uneducated blue collar guys, that could just be fuel for being teased. Unless, perhaps, if the OP was very fitness/bodybuilding/sports oriented - then that may be accepted by others. Otherwise a little white lie would likely be much more easily socially acceptable, especially if that little white lie would make someone teasing him appear to be a major as*hole for doing it. ie if his reason was due to someone's death, or a medical concern etc. Stating that it's not healthy and I have no reason to is the kind of thing some idiots would use to tease someone for being a "fag" or some other BS like that.

Then again, it depends on the OP. If he's a skinny little dude he may be an easy target for teasing. If he's a tall strong built guy and he says "I don't drink," then that might be the end of it - no one's going to say s**t. Gotta remember: People can be real as*holes.. but they're not going to mess with someone that could snap them in half.

I don't drink much anymore and I guarantee that if I said "I don't drink," or "I don't drink because it's not healthy," that pretty well no one is going to say f**k all to me about it since I'm over 6'2 & 206.5lbs with a muscular build. But if I were 5'6 and 140lbs soaking wet I'd be an easier target for someone to make fun of if they felt compelled to be a prick. So, the best course of action sort of depends on others' perceptions of the OP.

I wouldn't be able to tell those "white" lies convincingly and without making them an extra reason to pick on me, so I'd rather be considered a fa***t than a fa***t and a liar. It wouldn't be worth the perpetual unease having to live up to my lies would cause me. I'd also consider it a good idea to avoid those people in the first place. This may actually be a big part of the reason I'm always alone, but so be it. I've slowly learned it's only a matter of time for people to lose all respect for me and bully me, and I seem completely unable to defend myself, so my best bet is to avoid giving them chances to get close and let them keep their default belief that I may actually be able to defend myself somehow if they abuse me.

Perhaps you could consider not moaning about being single then. If you're too scared to talk to anybody because you're convinced they'll hate or hurt you, why not cheerfully accept your choice to be single forever?

Nice try, but I'm not moaning, and just because my current state of affairs is the one I described doesn't mean I won't keep looking for a solution. No point in giving up.

You might want to go troll elsewhere. You were doing pretty well so far---someone even thought you were gone.

I'm single and lonely and I feel like loneliness makes me unattractive so I don't go out. I think that is a mistake.

You will regret this one day, unless you make a change. You just admitted yourself that you believe it to be a mistake.