Being rejected when they find out your autistic

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xile123
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09 Jan 2016, 4:11 pm

wilburforce wrote:
What about autistic women? Would you consider dating autistic women, so being rejected for being autistic wouldn't be an issue? You are aware that autistic women exist, right?


They are less than 1% of the world population though lol



wilburforce
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09 Jan 2016, 5:53 pm

xile123 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
What about autistic women? Would you consider dating autistic women, so being rejected for being autistic wouldn't be an issue? You are aware that autistic women exist, right?


They are less than 1% of the world population though lol


I think that number is low and that people on the spectrum actually make up a slightly higher percentage of the population than that, but when you include other kinds of neurodiversity (like ADHD, OCD, etc) those numbers get higher; and although you might not have exactly the same challenges, it might still be a more likely pool in which to search for a compatible partner with less chance of rejection simply for being different.



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09 Jan 2016, 6:03 pm

Auspie guys can do pretty well with women who have PTSD, or other emotional and psychological issues, depending on how the circumstances.



Scaevitas
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09 Jan 2016, 6:13 pm

I am so glad I am not plagued by feelings or thought of being romantic.

On another note, I'm happy that didn't reject myself for being autistic. Though suicidal ideation was a previous dilemma for it.



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09 Jan 2016, 6:39 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
Auspie guys can do pretty well with women who have PTSD, or other emotional and psychological issues, depending on how the circumstances.
Aspies generally aren't the best at providing emotional support thou but I'm actually fairly good at it & my girlfriend has emotional issues(depression anxiety) & needs a lot of emotional support.


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11 Jan 2016, 3:33 am

Man: I knw we have been a together for a while and we love eachother and I feel I must let you know more about me,
Woman: sure what is it?
Man: I am autistic.
woman: Its not you its me!


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xile123
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11 Jan 2016, 5:51 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
Auspie guys can do pretty well with women who have PTSD, or other emotional and psychological issues, depending on how the circumstances.


I think you might be insane.



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11 Jan 2016, 7:48 pm

My first girlfriend had a mental disability/learning difficulties, and it was absolutely terrible.

I could see myself possibly getting along with an aspie or social anxiety female though.



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11 Jan 2016, 7:53 pm

I've always liked nerdy girls--since long before Asperger's was a concept in the general dialogue.

There was one who used to flick her nose on "Dobie Gillis" back in the 1950s. Dobie liked the dumb blonde girl--but the nerdy girl liked Dobie!

I liked the nerdy girl, too!



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12 Jan 2016, 11:06 am

I think it's fine to reveal your autism if the relationship is getting serious. It's also fine for the person you are dating to reject you for it. I do think it lacks a certain amount of compassion, but it's better you find out it's not going to work earlier than later. People have a right to know what they are getting into, whether it's autism or some other unusual personality trait.



Mirta
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12 Jan 2016, 6:32 pm

I disagree that it's fine to reject you for it. I mean...it's not like we were serial killers, psychos, rapists, or any kind of dangerous criminals, or we would have a terrible contagious and fatal disease, and there was a real reason to be afraid of who we are.
I would like to put the question in the other way: would it be fine from me/us to reject someone because he/she is neurotypical?

Now, maybe it depends if it's mild autism/asperger's or heavy non-autonomus autism? I don't know.
I'm not upset or anything here, just asking!
If someone would reject me because I have aspergers, why is it? Is he/she affraid of something? I mean seriously, what is the reason? Having autism or aspergers is not in itself a reason to reject someone, and it's not in itself a reason why a relationship necessarily couldn't work IMO.

AspE wrote:
People have a right to know what they are getting into,


what do you mean? What are they getting into? Actually I'm not sure what you mean.
If it's something like, for example, a vegetarian animal-lover who dates a girl and she happens to love and wear real-furr coats and crocodile skin boots, to have an animal-skin carpet in her living room, elephant tusks objects and so on, and he decides he doesn't want another date with her, here I perfectly understand and I'm perfectly fine with it. And probably she wouldn't want another date either anyway.

But if it's more like our date gets afraid because we're different, or like they don't wanna date us because we're 1m30 short or 2m30 tall, or they think we're mentally impaired, handicaped, they would need to be a "parent" for us or something, wich is plain wrong, then it's not the same and I don't think it's fine.
That's more like reacting like if we were not datable people, like if we were apes, aliens, or cyborgs or something and they can't date an bonobo or a green martian with 3 eyes! IMO it's not fine and not ok.



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12 Jan 2016, 7:25 pm

I think there are many negative stereotype/stigma associated with Asperger's so you could be rejected by someone that you could have actually had a happy relationship with if they knew what Asperger's REALLY was.

The OP talks of wanting someone to be tolerant and accepting of him from the get-go, which I understand, but there's not this black-and-white 'either people know what asperger's is and understand and accept it, or they don't know what it is or have a negative view of it'.

I'm sure there's plenty of people with a few misconceptions or negative stereotypes here and there but are actually genuinely curious about Asperger's.

Like some other's have suggested the best time to say it is when things are beginning to get serious.

It is at this time anyone will be more accepting than a random stranger, and once things are starting to get serious they would be open enough to listen to you describe what it is, its traits and symptoms, etc. to correctly inform them.

A lot of people might say 'OH, so THAT'S what it is. Well, that doesn't sound so bad. I thought it meant they were very aggressive and anti-social type people. Thanks for telling me what it really is.'

Imagine if nearly every stranger you barely know that's rejected you for being autistic could have been this person?



Derek281
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01 Feb 2016, 1:18 am

I don't share my AS with women I meet. Many are from sugar dating sites and that question has not come up.

I consider sharing ones AS status with potential dates a mistake. The name of the game is to impress them with strengths. If some AS issue comes up just address that issue. No need to give the farm away. Many women instinctively shy away from guys they consider weird or inferior. Your goal is block that not let that pkayer get to QB.

My AS status is my business not theirs.



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01 Feb 2016, 1:32 am

I dont really tell anyone i'm autistic, i'm sure some people can eventually tell lol. I certainly woudn't tell any girls until we're serious.

But the past two girls I have liked who are neurotypical have known simply because i'm in this program. Awww man that last girl, holy sht someone gave me a helluva love potion from Hogwarts, that's how crazy I was about this girl. It was because she was redhead, I had a huge fetish for redheads back in the good ole days of 2015. Turns out she was in a long-distance relationship with some other chick. Shouda seen my reaction after looking it up on Facebook, I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Now I semi like this asian girl, she's more friendly than the redhead. And the good news is that she's here till May. I need to learn how to talk to women for more than 5 minutes irl without sh*****g my pants and work up the nerves to ask for her number. Back to the drawing board boys.



Derek281
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02 Feb 2016, 11:22 pm

I don't disclose my AS to people. Your disclosure seems to be causing your rejection. U need deselect it from y playbook.



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02 Feb 2016, 11:42 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
I dont really tell anyone i'm autistic, i'm sure some people can eventually tell lol. I certainly woudn't tell any girls until we're serious.

But the past two girls I have liked who are neurotypical have known simply because i'm in this program. Awww man that last girl, holy sht someone gave me a helluva love potion from Hogwarts, that's how crazy I was about this girl. It was because she was redhead, I had a huge fetish for redheads back in the good ole days of 2015. Turns out she was in a long-distance relationship with some other chick. Shouda seen my reaction after looking it up on Facebook, I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Now I semi like this asian girl, she's more friendly than the redhead. And the good news is that she's here till May. I need to learn how to talk to women for more than 5 minutes irl without sh*****g my pants and work up the nerves to ask for her number. Back to the drawing board boys.


Out of curiosity darkphantomx1, why do you always seem to like women who live far away or eventually end up leaving?

From the way you describe it it seems like every woman you like is only going to be staying in the same place as you for a temporary amount of time. Shouldn't you try your best to fall for local women planning to actually stay a little while in the first place? You often mention liking a woman who 'moved away', you said you messaged on 'living in Ohio'.

Do you just like exchange chicks or something?? :lol:

I don't know, maybe you attend one of those colleges people go to to study and then never ever return to town ever again?