How Best to Tell a Person they are Being Rude

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I like Rude1's approach of addressing the behavior instead of saying "you're being rude." I recall from management courses that one should avoid starting criticism with "You" (You're being rude, You're wrong, etc.). "You" statements tend to trigger a defensive, emotional reaction, so the person is more interested in defending themselves than listening to what you have to say. The most important thing is to state the expected behavior in a calm voice.

I like Rude1's approach of addressing the behavior instead of saying "you're being rude." I recall from management courses that one should avoid starting criticism with "You" (You're being rude, You're wrong, etc.). "You" statements tend to trigger a defensive, emotional reaction, so the person is more interested in defending themselves than listening to what you have to say. The most important thing is to state the expected behavior in a calm voice.

Certainly it's fine for the tutor to talk to him about better ways to behave, if she feels comfortable about it. Otherwise, you may need to talk to him yourself or sit in on a session or two.

Could he need a short break partway through the session? is the length of the tutoring time part of the source of frustration? Or the pace? I tend to get more rude and crabby if I am tired or not feeling well, or if my self esteem is low, or I'm feeling defensive.

I work at a public high school for the arts. I have a 16 year old student this year who is autistic. I have him working with a peer tutor in two subjects. Often, when he is working with the tutor, he gets frustrated with the subject and in turn, frustrated with her. He will get somewhat argumentative and exasperated with her. What is the best way to approach this? Today, it happened again and I talked to him about it after she left. He did seem to realize that his behavior was inappropriate and will often apologize to she or I or both. Would it be appropriate to try to get her to let him know when he is behaving rudely? This student is a wonderfully talented visual artist and I truly want him to be successful here and beyond in college and the workplace. However, I am very concerned about how he is coming off to others and fear people in the workplace especially won't be tolerant of this. So, I want to see what I can do while he is here to promote change. I know so much of this is just beyond his control, but I am hopeful that since he often apologizes, that he knows his behavior could improve. Thoughts? Thanks!

Another time a man held open the door for me and I hadn't processed what had happened in time to say thank you. He confronted me as if I had purposely done harm to him when really it wasn't.

I think that guy was being rude, not you. People don't always say thank you to having a door held open, that's normal, and if went off on something that insignificant he had a real problem.