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CommanderKeen
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03 Jul 2016, 8:06 pm

HighLlama wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Who said you had to do it face to face, or phrase it the way I did? Trust me, it's way, way worse giving a guy false hope. Guys who will do that are the same guys that'll be aggressive if you don't pay them attention. Why not get it over with? Are you planning on letting a guy down in a non-public, non-safe place? A simple text will do. It's easer that or having to continue to make excuses, continue to lead him on. Really, how is your way any better?


No, it's worse to be called a c**t when you say "no thanks" to a guy asking for a date. That hurts and it's scary, too.

So, it's better to lead a guy on than be called names? Wow, that says a lot about you. I'm going to keep leading Jimmy on, because I just cant handle someone calling me a c**nt. It's best I lead him on, hopefully he won't call me a c**t after leading him on for a month or so.


You dislike women too much.

No I don't. What I dislike is BS mind games in the dating scene. I dislike how social media has hurt dating and as a lover of technology I am conflicted. Conflicted, because in some ways I'd like it to go back to how it was before social media; while at the same time excited about what can be accomplished via social media.



wilburforce
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03 Jul 2016, 10:08 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Who said you had to do it face to face, or phrase it the way I did? Trust me, it's way, way worse giving a guy false hope. Guys who will do that are the same guys that'll be aggressive if you don't pay them attention. Why not get it over with? Are you planning on letting a guy down in a non-public, non-safe place? A simple text will do. It's easer that or having to continue to make excuses, continue to lead him on. Really, how is your way any better?


No, it's worse to be called a c**t when you say "no thanks" to a guy asking for a date. That hurts and it's scary, too.

So, it's better to lead a guy on than be called names? Wow, that says a lot about you. I'm going to keep leading Jimmy on, because I just cant handle someone calling me a c**nt. It's best I lead him on, hopefully he won't call me a c**t after leading him on for a month or so.


Being friends with someone does not equate to leading them on--sometimes you just like someone's company but don't feel romantically attracted to them, but that lack of attraction doesn't make you appreciate their company any less. I am not obligated to stop talking to a guy if I suspect it's possible he might be attracted to me if I like him as a friend and want to continue being friends with him, and it's not "leading him on" for me to do so.

You are directing a lot of anger at me that I don't really understand the source of. I am not your friend and I have not lead you on, so there's no need to be so snarky and rude to me. I think the woman who was too busy to get back to you dodged a bullet, because you sound like an angry person.


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04 Jul 2016, 2:36 am

Anyone who can't directly reject someone they aren't interested in and know is interested in them isn't being considerate of the other person's feelings, they're being selfish and avoidant to save their own skin.

That is more sociopathic than anything else.

To make someone suffer in silence rather than honestly and directly reject them and then ask them if they want to still be friends and keep it that way or if they want to move on.

They probably claim they're 'being considerate' and 'don't want to hurt the other person' but these are just false rationalizations to justify their taking the easy/coward's way out.

"Also, this statement (especially the piece I underlined) makes it sound like men attacking women for rejecting them is normal and to be expected, and the women deserve it for being "stupid". That's pretty messed up if that is actually what you believe, and you may want to examine why you hold those messed up beliefs and how that might be holding you back in relationships with women. If you have a lot of anger and resentment bubbling just below the surface, women are going to pick up on those vibes and steer clear of you out of fear."

You sound far too optimistic of humanity.

I don't consider people reacting with extreme aggression 'bad' or something an 'a55høle' would do, I consider it NORMAL.

People are absolutely horrible and awful, all of us, including myself, you, everyone.

Even those that don't outwardly express their anger might have a lot of pent-up rage they suppress/keep inside.

And who would I respect more? The one that is honest about their aggression/frustration towards the situation or the one who suppresses their anger and pretends everything is fine (aka the liar)? I'd respect the former more for being honest, unlike the avoidant woman who chose not to reject him when she should of.

I respect honesty. I've been friends with actual sociopaths before (as in, they were never afraid to confide in me and reveal every textbook symptom of sociopathy they have) and liked the fact at least they were honest about it rather than the plenty of sociopaths in hiding in this world.

I'd rather someone told me that they've murdered someone so that gives me the chance to get them out of my life rather than be friends with someone for several years only for them to reveal their little secret to me when I thought I could trust them.

"Being friends with someone does not equate to leading them on--sometimes you just like someone's company but don't feel romantically attracted to them, but that lack of attraction doesn't make you appreciate their company any less."

If you are flirting with them on purpose for fun and/or using them for sexual gratification but not answering their question and changing the subject when they try to talk exclusivity, and consistently telling them 'you're a really good FRIEND' and always using them to complain about their problems with other men/women, and kNOW how they feel but essentially torment them by always leaving things open rather than telling them directly you're not interested in a relationship but just an FWB, then yes, that's leading them on.



wilburforce
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04 Jul 2016, 3:06 am

Outrider wrote:
Anyone who can't directly reject someone they aren't interested in and know is interested in them isn't being considerate of the other person's feelings, they're being selfish and avoidant to save their own skin.

That is more sociopathic than anything else.

To make someone suffer in silence rather than honestly and directly reject them and then ask them if they want to still be friends and keep it that way or if they want to move on.

They probably claim they're 'being considerate' and 'don't want to hurt the other person' but these are just false rationalizations to justify their taking the easy/coward's way out.

"Also, this statement (especially the piece I underlined) makes it sound like men attacking women for rejecting them is normal and to be expected, and the women deserve it for being "stupid". That's pretty messed up if that is actually what you believe, and you may want to examine why you hold those messed up beliefs and how that might be holding you back in relationships with women. If you have a lot of anger and resentment bubbling just below the surface, women are going to pick up on those vibes and steer clear of you out of fear."

You sound far too optimistic of humanity.

I don't consider people reacting with extreme aggression 'bad' or something an 'a55høle' would do, I consider it NORMAL.

People are absolutely horrible and awful, all of us, including myself, you, everyone.

Even those that don't outwardly express their anger might have a lot of pent-up rage they suppress/keep inside.

And who would I respect more? The one that is honest about their aggression/frustration towards the situation or the one who suppresses their anger and pretends everything is fine (aka the liar)? I'd respect the former more for being honest, unlike the avoidant woman who chose not to reject him when she should of.

I respect honesty. I've been friends with actual sociopaths before (as in, they were never afraid to confide in me and reveal every textbook symptom of sociopathy they have) and liked the fact at least they were honest about it rather than the plenty of sociopaths in hiding in this world.

I'd rather someone told me that they've murdered someone so that gives me the chance to get them out of my life rather than be friends with someone for several years only for them to reveal their little secret to me when I thought I could trust them.

"Being friends with someone does not equate to leading them on--sometimes you just like someone's company but don't feel romantically attracted to them, but that lack of attraction doesn't make you appreciate their company any less."

If you are flirting with them on purpose for fun and/or using them for sexual gratification but not answering their question and changing the subject when they try to talk exclusivity, and consistently telling them 'you're a really good FRIEND' and always using them to complain about their problems with other men/women, and kNOW how they feel but essentially torment them by always leaving things open rather than telling them directly you're not interested in a relationship but just an FWB, then yes, that's leading them on.


I don't flirt with guys, I don't really know how. I can barely manage to sound normal when I talk to people most of the time, let alone navigate how to flirt--you have to feel confident to flirt, mostly I just feel anxious around other people. You guys are getting all mad at me like I am being dishonest with YOU and leading YOU on, when I have never done this to anyone. I have had male friends before, but I didn't flirt with them because I didn't like them that way--the guys I liked that way were the ones I dated, not the ones I made friendships with.

I was only trying to explain why some women might not be eager to outright reject a guy who asks for a date because people can be mean and aggressive when they are rejected. I'm not doing it to you, so stop getting all angry at me like I am the women in your past who have done that to you--go tell those women off and not me, if you really need to be angry at someone, because I don't deserve it.

There was no need to be jerks about it. I AM NOT THE WOMEN WHO HAVE REJECTED YOUR REQUESTS FOR DATES. Please stop lecturing me and ganging up on me because you have resentment for other people you haven`t dealt with.


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Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 5:11 am

wilburforce wrote:
I am not obligated to stop talking to a guy if I suspect it's possible he might be attracted to me if I like him as a friend and want to continue being friends with him, and it's not "leading him on" for me to do so.

Well of course if he doesn't tell you anything then you can't just go to him and say that you are not interested in him romantically, it would be weird. I think the only situations where you should do something is if he tells you or if he starts making gifts and spending money on you/doing a lot of favours, in those cases it's best to make things clear I think.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 5:17 am

A man is also not obligated to maintain friendship with a woman he feels attracted to if he feels it's hurting/bothering him.

And the woman in this case should understand him and to stop accusing him that he was selfish and just after sex - it's not always for this.

I mean what? You expect a man who still likes you to be emotionally immune and to remain a friend of yours, while watching you hugging and kissing another man in every group outing?

Hell no, withdrawing from friendship is the best solution for both.



Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 5:39 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A man is also not obligated to maintain friendship with a woman he feels attracted to if he feels it's hurting/bothering him.

And the woman in this case should understand him and to stop accusing him that he was selfish and just after sex - it's not always for this.

I mean what? You expect a man who still likes you to be emotionally immune and to remain a friend of yours, while watching you hugging and kissing another man in every group outing?

Hell no, withdrawing from friendship is the best solution for both.

Where did she say this? I can't find it.



314pe
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04 Jul 2016, 5:43 am

wilburforce wrote:
Being friends with someone does not equate to leading them on--sometimes you just like someone's company but don't feel romantically attracted to them, but that lack of attraction doesn't make you appreciate their company any less. I am not obligated to stop talking to a guy if I suspect it's possible he might be attracted to me if I like him as a friend and want to continue being friends with him, and it's not "leading him on" for me to do so.

Depends on what is and what isn't 'leading him on'. Some may consider a movie and a romantic dinner a "leading him on" thing and some may not.



HighLlama
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04 Jul 2016, 6:05 am

314pe wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
Being friends with someone does not equate to leading them on--sometimes you just like someone's company but don't feel romantically attracted to them, but that lack of attraction doesn't make you appreciate their company any less. I am not obligated to stop talking to a guy if I suspect it's possible he might be attracted to me if I like him as a friend and want to continue being friends with him, and it's not "leading him on" for me to do so.

Depends on what is and what isn't 'leading him on'. Some may consider a movie and a romantic dinner a "leading him on" thing and some may not.


Why would you have a romantic dinner if you have no romantic interest?



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 6:20 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A man is also not obligated to maintain friendship with a woman he feels attracted to if he feels it's hurting/bothering him.

And the woman in this case should understand him and to stop accusing him that he was selfish and just after sex - it's not always for this.

I mean what? You expect a man who still likes you to be emotionally immune and to remain a friend of yours, while watching you hugging and kissing another man in every group outing?

Hell no, withdrawing from friendship is the best solution for both.

Where did she say this? I can't find it.


I am not replying anyone. - this was a general statement.



Alliekit
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04 Jul 2016, 6:23 am

Wilburforce never claimed dishonesty she can hardly apprach every guy she thinks might have a crush in her and go 'oh by the way I'm not attracted to you' for starters it's rude if they haven't made their feelings clear and secondly she might be incorrect.

Also I hate to say it but us women are weaker than men. We do get afraid of someone gets angry and cusses at us even if it's over text. If someone threatens to rape you (which happened to my friend over text when she told a guy she wasn't interested) you have a right to feel afraid. Ever since that my friend has been frightened to say no to anyone.

Also @boo she never claimed they were and you are right a guy isn't obligated to remain friends.

Alot of girls don't assume you were friends woth them just for sex. They assume that you are friends and you developed feelings for them.

You know girls get put in the friendzone too. I liked a guy for a year and a half woth him knowing and never telling me he wasn't interested.

@highlama good point hehehe



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 6:41 am

Alliekit wrote:

Also @boo she never claimed they were and you are right a guy isn't obligated to remain friends.

Alot of girls don't assume you were friends woth them just for sex. They assume that you are friends and you developed feelings for them.



What you are saying is what usually happens, friends first, no attraction at first, then developing feeling with time.

However, the general narrative/assumption of this scenario is that the guy is befriending the girl because he was planning to get into her pants from the beginning. I am responding to this general narrative.



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04 Jul 2016, 6:46 am

uh..


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04 Jul 2016, 6:48 am

Friendzone exists that's how this term came from.


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Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 6:52 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am not replying anyone. - this was a general statement.

You sounded like you were addressing someone.
Alliekit wrote:
Also I hate to say it but us women are weaker than men. We do get afraid of someone gets angry and cusses at us even if it's over text. If someone threatens to rape you (which happened to my friend over text when she told a guy she wasn't interested) you have a right to feel afraid. Ever since that my friend has been frightened to say no to anyone.

But it really sucks that if the girl doesn't like us back she might think that we are violent or rapists. I wouldn't want anyone to think that of me.
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You know girls get put in the friendzone too. I liked a guy for a year and a half woth him knowing and never telling me he wasn't interested.

Did you tell him openly? Was he taking advantage of your feelings?



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04 Jul 2016, 6:57 am

Peacesells wrote:
But it really sucks that if the girl doesn't like us back she might think that we are violent or rapists. I wouldn't want anyone to think that of me.
No.


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