USA today condescending column

Post Reply New Topic

So true. We are part of the human race and in that sense, the people who try to dehumanise and deprive us of our legitimate part in the diversity of the human race are the ultimate racists.

I believe that we will be the very last minority to gain respect and liberation, long after all other formerly oppressed minorities have succeeded. Currently we are the most demonised, dehumanised and stigmatised. You can tell our political status at the current time by the simple yardstick of the hateful stuff that the international Western media deems acceptable, and the willingness of politicians to turn a blind eye to obvious abuses.

(It is somewhat different here in New Zealand because ASD is not politicized, there is no organised lobby massively financed which is seeking to control, eliminate or cure us, and NT parents of autistic children form peer support groups, not lobby groups to harrass politicians). Here it is more a case of benign neglect in the media than HAP activism. I would not say that ASD people are respected, but they are not subjected to overt or disguised hate speech in the media as an ongoing form of psychological and emotional violence).

Some minorities only stop being discriminated against by being wiped off the face of the Earth.

Her daughter is just one person with autism and she also has Fibromyalgia which would explain why her house is so messy. I had to read about it to see what it is. The fact the mother has to help her daughter with everything may be also be due to this condition.

Me on the other hand would never live in that filth because I find dirty homes gross and I don't want to live that way so I always throw things away. I also keep dishes in the sink or dishwasher when they are dirty. But then again I don't have a medical condition that would keep me from getting up and bringing a plate to the sink or putting it in the dishwasher or even emptying it or keeping me from throwing something away. I also don't smoke.

I say the daughter needs help with housework. She needs a caretaker or something to do house duty for her or the mom can do it.

Hehe! Don't hold back. Tell us what you really think.

Yeah, I was taught life skills from the time I was a toddler. It appears that this mother failed to learn hers.

To be fair, I know how being a caretaker is draining. But, shifting the blame is wrong.

Well, I'm one of the messy autistics. I have a habit of throwing clothes on the floor and leaving them there and I never do the dishes. I do however, clean the bathroom and my garbage is not overflowing.
My mother is often distressed by the state of my place, though. I am sure she would see things much as the author of this article does.
I however, think that neatness is over-rated. I do not understand why it is often so valued.

"clean enough to healthy and untidy enough to be happy" works well for me though occasionally I get a super-tidy mood going and actually enjoy restoring perfect order.

Just to be clear here, my house is no where like the Parade of Homes.

Messiness and dirt give me extreme anxiety. I basically will just shut down in a place like that. Not sure I'd even be able to stay for 5 minutes.

Same, except that it often gets to the point where I can't be bothered to do anything about it since the "ick" factor is hard to push myself over.

In my case it's more "I should really clean this... once I do that other, more interesting thing"

That's definitely a factor for me too.

Well, that's a fair description of my place.

For the first few years that I lived on my own.

I knew HOW to clean. I didn't know how to manage my time, and I didn't realize that it didn't take as long as I thought.

So about once a month, I would clean it really clean, and then let it get nasty again, and then clean it really clean, wash rinse repeat...

...until I had a kid, quit school, and was discouraged from getting a "regular" job. All I had to do all day was take care of the baby, do odd jobs, surf the Internet, and keep house. It took a couple of years for me to get good at the time-management aspect of it so that everything got done, but I figured it out eventually.

Now, my house is not perfect. There usually is a pile of bills, kids' schoolwork, and junk mail on the counter. I sort through it every week or so. Said pile exists in every house I've visited, ASD housekeeper or not. There are almost always dishes in the sink. I do dishes twice a day most days, but there are six of us and no dishwasher. Not smelling is a priority. Having clean dishes to eat with is a priority. An empty sink is not a priority. I have a planter on the porch I toss my butts in. Sometimes I miss. I pick them up every few days when the weather is nice, every couple of weeks when the weather is foul. Such is the case for most smokers I know.

I used to put them in an empty milk jug. Unscrew the cap, drop in the butt, screw the cap back on, when the jug gets full, take it out with the trash. It was very convenient. MIL did not consider a milk jug to be acceptably aesthetic. Hence the planter. WTF ever.

I do laundry about 5 days a week. Sometimes the hamper overflows all the same. Such is life with 5 people who think they need a fresh towel with every shower and can't be persuaded to hang them up instead of dropping them on the floor (and a couple of kids who still think they need to change clothes 3 times a day).

It's not going to win any prizes. But, like others have said, it's "clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be home."

I CAN keep it perfectly neat and tastefully decorated...

...but the stress of doing so makes me a miserable person, and we all feel like we're living on a stage set instead of in a home, so I don't do that any more. It still gives me panic attacks (terrified of judgment), but I'm getting over that.

The house being trashed is self limiting. The women lives in a condo, and all of them have associations. If there are enough cigarette butts, or she gets roaches/vermin and it spreads to other units, BELIEVE ME, the association with be all over her to clean that up. Worse case scenario a lawsuit to clean it up.

And the associations also do interior inspections like to see if the smoke alarms have batteries in them a such. If they are stumbling into a remotely hoarder mess, it will be an issues.

For my townhouse (rented), the cigarette butts alone is enough for a warning. 4 warnings (and not giving a s**t) is enough for a non lease renewal.

How much of this is frustrated mom, enabling mom, daughter not giving a s**t or can't, I don't know. I know many people with fibro. They can work, pay bills and keep a place from looking like a crack house. Mom can have a house keeper come once a week if fibro is the true reason. I doubt it.

Dimes to donuts, daughter has a huge helping of depression and anxiety, on top of not so great EF skills.

I'm pretty sure mom is legal guardian. I've done that it, and it is a suck, no thank you job. If the relationship is that bad, I'd hand it over to the state or appoint someone else. Then they can fight with the condo association, bill collectors etc.

My Aspie husband has a hard time with direct, "You need to do this." from family members. It's any family member. If a stranger, doctor or boss asks the same thing, he will do it.

Maybe mom should had over the nagging to a third party and just be mom.

If her daughter is truly that bad, and cannot handle her affairs, she'll wind up in supportive housing eventually. That is what Easter Seals does around here for people on SSDI and can not handle their activities of daily living.

A messy house is one thing. Unsanitary (dirty dishes, trashy), unpaid and ignored bills is enough for supportive housing in my area. Especially if you are on SSDI and adult protective services is called.

Switch the diagnosis to bipolar or schizophrenia, that was many of the people I met at the psych day treatment hospital.

Who know's maybe the daughter gave her permission for the article. Nothing surprises me any more.

The tsunami of adults with autism is "coming"? Huh? But autistic adults have always been around...

This statement is really telling. She's still in the epidemic mindset, the outdated belief that all the kids getting diagnosed is a result of an increase in autism, rather than better diagnosis. There's enough information and resources today about autism compared to the nineties that there's no excuse to still have that mindset.

I would have sympathy for the mother having to deal with all the issues her daughter has. Except she seems to have little sympathy for her daughter, and autistic people. The tragedy not being how difficult life is for the autistic person, but what a burden they are on her and everyone else. Boohoo for her.

Grrrrrrr. I know this attitude still exists, but there's been so much progress over the years, it's frustrating to see it actually get a platform again.

And it's not like I'd expect the woman to candycoat anything, or talk about a bunch of positives about autism or her daughter - clearly her daughter really struggles, and clearly it's a burden. And it's related to autism.

But you could address all these issues with compassion instead of judgement, and sympathy instead of self pity. And you can recognize how the issues relate to autism without saying, this is what autism IS, this is what all those parents and kids can look forward to as the child grows up.

And wtf is up with the subheading "autistic children never really grow up"? As if her daughter's situation is representative of all autistic people.

If you decide actually bringing them up, instead of complaining what a misfortune they are and letting them stay ignorant, helpless and, at the same time, spoiled, having no purpose to strive for, is too much of a hassle, it's probably true that they'll never really grow up.