Is Intercourse Satisfying?

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After reading the thread, I think your problem might have more to do with .. what will you do once this arrangement is terminated .. ??

Are you nt or are you on the spectrum?

I know how difficult making friends is and how much it sucks being lonely. I do have some tips though if you're interested.

I don't want to be patronising, I am on the spectrum and my methods have worked, though they are very difficult at first.

But I understand that not everyone wants to 'play the game' of life and body language for the nt folk out there.

Here to help anyway, if you want.

That really sucks!

I hate it when somebody uses sex as a bargaining tool, too!

I hate it when somebody blackmails me for sex when I don't feel like it.

I would imagine it's no good when you are penetrated without wanting to be penetrated. It's a pretty sucky feeling, I would imagine.

Have you ever desired sex in your life? If not, I would hope you find a man who doesn't believe sex is the "end all," too.

Please don't feel bad for me asking this: but have you ever had a crush on a woman?

As for the sex thing, yes it is pleasing.

I find that if I enjoy pleasing the other person, then that in turn makes them want to reciprocate and please me, which builds warmth and enjoyment. This definitely requires some effort and playfulness is a plus.

It's one of those circular cycle things, in that you get back what you put in.

I have definitely made the most out of the worst situations by being in the moment and giving it my best.

But it's not nice to be used for sex, so I hope you can get out of it and surround yourself with some nicer people and more rewarding friendships.

Same for me.


I'm autistic.
I'll bite ... what are your methods?


I haven't had much luck with that.


I'm not sure who this question is directed at, but I haven't. I used to have crushes on guys, but now I'm too disillusioned.

I was asking Esme. I know where you stand on this issue

(By the way, Ann, have you ever read J.D. Salinger's short story "To Esme, with love?")

No, I'll have a look for it.

Well, I do not know you well nor do I know of your difficulties or how high your functioning is, so it may or may not work for you but like I said, for me it was very difficult at first. If you can, it really requires you to play the nt game of body language and facial interaction. They are very big on eye contact, to the point where it is almost impossible to 'hook' a friendship with an nt without it. I studied and tested this thoroughly, so of course I made many mistakes and found myself in many intensely awkward exchanges.

And it is exhausting at first. but with practice, it's as if you can strengthen yourself in it like an athlete can in a sport. like an nt studying maths who initially is easily exhausted by it, if they practice enough they become a little bit stronger.

So I strengthened this part of myself bit by bit. there are so many things to think about, like how long is appropriate to hold eye contact, when to smile, what to say and when to say it. the main things I think they require is eye contact and facial expression exchange, it's like expression tennis with them. for a friendship to feel meaningful for many people they seek displayed empathy and that can be as simple as repeating back to them what they just said but slightly reworded, with a little nod and a smile. then they know you have received what they have said and they find it comforting. i know for us this particular thing feels pointless, but to them it means a lot.

this all comes naturally to them and doesn't seem to really tire them out. it seems like hassle, but it is worth it. and you wonder 'why can't they love me and accept me the way I am'? well I figured while people studying, that there is a place inside everyone that does want to accept and love, but without those exchanges, they assume that we don't want to. without those displays of expression and returned empathy, our intentions or need to bond, goes right over their heads.

so, perhaps all I have just said was stuff you already knew and if so, I can accept that. it's ok, killing a little time, because I know how it is to feel lonely and I absolutely hated it, before forcing myself into this stuff. just trying to help. i can give more info too if wanted.

let me know if you want some links or otherwise google 'counselling skills', because basic counselling skills are great to learn as basic tools for interacting meaningfully with people. that gets the ball rolling.

it all feels very silly at first, but once the 'game' is being played and you bond a little with people in an nt fashion, it is extremely rewarding and comforting. it makes life that bit more fulfilling. it is definitely worth it.

Androbot is a very bright woman.

My strategy for eye contact is quick eye movements. I make eye contact but can't maintain it. I keep my head in a position so it is facing the person though. It works okay.
I also use the repeat and nod tactic when being confided in. It's gold. I have to say though that I have been on the receiving end of silence when having said something I felt important and I felt unheard.
It is worth it. Just a pain that it's so unnatural.


Can I use that as my tag and quote you.

androrobot01. your strategy is similar to mine

Of course.

Sharing is caring, in all directions.

After a few hours I am usually wiped out and need a break from social situation figuring.

Sure Ann...of course!

I just wanted to qualify my choice, I chose option 2 because it was the closest to how I feel but really my answer is that intercourse when combined with oral can be satisfying sometimes under some circumstances. I have to be in just the right frame of mind and even then sometimes I just can't relax enough to find it enjoyable. Frequently it's just mechanical, sweaty, sticky and icky and somewhat boring. However, I love my husband and he likes sex so I'm quite happy to oblige, after all I'm sure he puts up with things for the sake of our marriage as well.

I can't stand a man going down on me. It's icky. Don't do that even with my friend. However, I'm not in a particularly sexual frame of mind right now. I'm taking so much medication I can barely feel anything and I've got a lot on my mind. Lately I find myself offering to perform oral sex on my friend instead of having sex. I'm just not interested.

Is this the same guy?

I don't know about this Ann. If you are not in the mood then don't have sex at all.

I know you see this as a reciprocal, but you expressed unhappiness at this sort of arrangement before.

People can form whatever arrangement they want. I'm social libertarian. Just wondering if you are falling into the same cycle. Are you going to get what you want out of the arrangement?