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shortfatbalduglyman
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27 Apr 2017, 9:32 pm

I don't mean in starting from birth all over again because that is impossible. It's hard for me to explain but it involves catching up and learning things even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.

I still live at home with my mother, I only work part time, I don't have any special talents, I failed college, my social life is pretty much nonexistent, and I am completely isolated from the dating scene. I had a painful childhood growing up thanks to overprotective parents, an oppressive culture (Bible Belt), a mean older brother, bullying at school, and people shoving their religion down my throat. I didn't learn proper socialization and was not encouraged to be my own person but to be 'average'.

It brings up a lot of emotional pain to write all this so I have to cut it short. But is there a way for things to get better?
_____________________________________________________________________

some things can't be fixed. for example, the bullying @ school and your "mean older brother". those things were in the past.

you could get another part time job. you could get a job that you are better at, that you like, or that pays more.

if you want, you can work on special talents. talents/skills/intelligence are nature versus nurture. quite frankly, i ain't got no special talents either. and i ain't particularly good at anything. but that ain't a moral flaw, a crime, or a choice. i just happen to not be good at anything. it does not make me morally inferior to someone with more talent, income, job skills, precious little "friends", muscle strength, good look. or any other job skills.

you can work on practicing talents. things like playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, speaking a foreign language, meditation, computer skills. take classes at the local recreation center. take classes at community college. YouTube videos. practice drawing. pick up a new skill. some skills do not necessarily have to involve precious little "people".

if you want, go back to school. community college takes everyone, except certain specific groups.

having said that, if you choose not to go to school, fine. society overrates school. society treats school like the
:ninja: be all end all :ninja:

there are plenty of jobs you can work at without school.

my cousin got a BS in Aerospace Engineering 10 years ago. and he still has not moved out.

a friend told me he got a MS in Math. he worked as a tenured community college instructor. in math. then he worked at Oracle. 17 years. software engineer. then he told me his whole division got laid off. for one year he worked at trader joes. about 14 dollars an hour. stocking shelves. then he told me he got a job at Sylvan Learning Center as a precalculus tutor. about 15 dollar per hour. minimum wage where he lives is about 12 dollars an hour.

in other words, going to school does not guarantee vocational competence or financial productivity.

and besides, plenty of precious lil "people" that i have interacted with, with advanced degrees. masters, phd. :roll: have extremely simpleminded critical thinking skills. it makes me wonder how they finished k-12 much less a masters degree. like the licensed clinical social worker. counselor. at the community college.

she did not know what
:!: sole proprietor
:!: CPA
:!: dojo
:!: percent body fat

was, among other things. likewise, she did not know how to say "excuse me?" when i said something she did not hear. she only knew how to interrupt me and how to say "huh" and "what?" like a grammar school customer.

quite frankly, maybe she ought to get all her academic degrees revoked, b/c she did not know how to act in a way that made good use of them.

get a psychologist

get a psychiatrist, get meds

get a support group

go on online forums

read books and try new things

you might be able to make new friends. but, the number of friends you have is not proportional to your worth as a human being. if someone socially rejects you, then that does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you.

_____________________________________________________________________________

anyways, in answer to your question, :jester: it is just my opinion, that you could do things that might make your life a little better.

exactly what those things are, are different for everyone.

and, of course, the quality of life is subjective anyways.

certainly you might have strengths and things to be grateful for, that you have not recognized.



questor
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29 Apr 2017, 9:20 am

I do sometimes wish I could do a reboot of my life. There are several points where it might have helped me, but I now have too many health issues, so it won't help me now. There is one best point in time where rebooting to would probably have helped the most. Just after high school--I should have thought then of going part-time to college for Library courses, as I would have liked a library job. My first job was actually as a page at the library in the next town. The position of page was reserved for high schoolers. It mostly involved putting books away, getting old magazines out of the room where they were archived, and other low end jobs around the library. I liked the job, but unfortunately, because they were a non-profit organization, they didn't have to pay even the minimum wage. I didn't mind while I was in high school, but I needed a better paying job after that, as I had gone from a bicycle to a new used car, and had car expenses to cover, along with all the other expenses.

Now, decades later, I wish I could go back and tell my young self to take library college courses part-time, to exercise more, and to eat healthier, but it's not possible to reboot one's life that way. :(


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aikoinazuma
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30 Jun 2017, 2:33 pm

Marknis wrote:
I don't mean in starting from birth all over again because that is impossible. It's hard for me to explain but it involves catching up and learning things even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.

I still live at home with my mother, I only work part time, I don't have any special talents, I failed college, my social life is pretty much nonexistent, and I am completely isolated from the dating scene. I had a painful childhood growing up thanks to overprotective parents, an oppressive culture (Bible Belt), a mean older brother, bullying at school, and people shoving their religion down my throat. I didn't learn proper socialization and was not encouraged to be my own person but to be 'average'.

It brings up a lot of emotional pain to write all this so I have to cut it short. But is there a way for things to get better?


I am a few years older than you but had a similar experience growing up. I grew up in a corrupt city in a corrupt state (Sioux Falls, SD) and have been trying to get out but it's like a trap here. I had to deal with a city that expected me to perform like a superstar on the job, in school, etc. with less resources and more headaches and crap than most of the others my age, parents who weren't there for me mentally, schools and colleges that were corrupt and borderline abusive, sleazy and crooked employers, state and local governments that are Third World quality, and a community of people who would jerk you around at any opportunity they got and that's the short version of what happened. I actually got lucky and didn't go through what some people go through in this city/state so I guess I can't complain too much, but I will speak my mind. I was able to graduate with an associates degree but was never really able to find work in my field. I'm unemployed right now and am wanting to at least get some of my math classes out of the way as far as school goes (precalculus in particular) but don't want to invest anymore in this place. I know that what you went through wasn't nice and I had some emotional stirring when I wrote this. I don't blame you for what you went through and I don't think you should beat yourself up for your past.

I will say that sometimes taking action does a lot more for a person even if it is a small action. You said that you work part time. Could there be something in your workplace that might interest you? Forget the politics or your coworkers and their issues; focus on any sort of idea, process or object(s) in your workplace. For example, if you work in a department store, are there any products in the store that catch your interest? Don't share with your coworkers or management; just focus on anything that catches your eye in the environment. This can be the same if you are out shopping or even if you are at home and notice something in your home environment.

Another thing too, don't think that you have to accomplish some socially oriented goal by a certain age or so. The following is a path that I have seen quite a few 'normal' people follow or try to follow (some sarcasm is here and is my own :mrgreen: ):

Go to high school (age 14 - 18) and graduate while participating in extracurricular activities (mostly to make someone look more noble and 'mature' than they really are)
Go to college (age 18 - 22), socialize with the stereotypical college crowd, fulfill the expectations of what a fraternity/sorority expects of you and graduate with a Baccalaureate degree. (And make sure you have a car, a credit card, and a Facebook account, LOL)
Rent an apartment (age 22 +) and if you have a roommate(s) (sometimes a social requirement depending on where you live) you'd better act like a stereotypical single person who lives with people of the same sex in the same house. Apply to a company where you can play the politics games (I thought a college degree meant that you actually knew what the hell you were doing) and 'move up the ladder'. Be sure to keep up your appearance on social media. If someone is not dating at this time they are considered 'different'.
Marriage (age 22 +) is needed because it increases your 'social' status. It had better be a traditional marriage (with all the pomp and nonsense that usually comes with one) irregardless of who's getting married.
Buying a house (age 26 +) is pushed on people when they are in their late 20s. Make sure you're married first!
Have kids (age 26 - 40?) because society expects you to be parents to fulfill some ancient procreation expectation.
Continue to climb the corporate ladder at work (you'd better be a stereotypical middle manager by the time you hit 40)
Put your kids through the same hoops that you went through as a teenager (age 40 - 60?)
Retire and become an opinionated grumpy old man/woman/whatever (age 65 - 70)
Get even older, grumpier, opinionated, weird, senile, smelly and eventually pass away after your pension dries up (age 70+)

See how rigid and sterile that life path is? It's stable for many people but how could an independent mind live like that? A lot of people in my age group think this way, surprisingly. It certainly doesn't make someone more 'mature'. 'Mature' often means how well a person pleases the expectations of the older crowd or people who fancy themselves as being older. It says nothing about someone's competence or abilities, character, etc. and certainly doesn't mean that they are morally superior. No one should judge themselves by how they stack up to people who very likely had a much different background or who had much better advantages in life or who were in an environment that favored them more. As for starting over, no one is too old to do that. Don't let the naysayers tell you otherwise. :mrgreen:


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shortfatbalduglyman
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30 Jun 2017, 8:33 pm

Now, decades later, I wish I could go back and tell my young self to take library college courses part-time, to exercise more, and to eat healthier, but it's not possible to reboot one's life that way.
_________________________________________________________________________________________

likewise, i did and said numerous things that i later regretted. if i had to go back, i would:

more energy on socializing
more energy on extracurricular activities
more energy on sports
less energy on school
don't be so emotional
unwind more often
think about someone else's perspective
get diagnosed earlier

and et cetera

having said that,

what's done is done. sure, i could've done it better. but could've done it worse too. besides, if i did it better, then what? whooptie do. no guaranteed outcome.

quite frankly, i am just glad that all that theater. drama. theatrics. acting. is. over.

sure, "life" might get worse than it was before, socially, medically, financially, physically. i get that. (fine).

but going back in time?

totally overdoing it




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Godknowsitried
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02 Jul 2017, 11:22 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

you might be able to make new friends. but, the number of friends you have is not proportional to your worth as a human being. if someone socially rejects you, then that does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you.
______________

i just really needed to hear this



JustFoundHere
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11 Mar 2018, 9:50 pm

It is possible to restart-- even in mid-life. The notions that we might just be able to hit those "reset-buttons" of our lives can be tempting.

Yet, it's (far) easier said than done! Finding those reset buttons (there's more than one reset button) is one challenge. Another challenge is to hit those reset buttons just right, and being prepared to troubleshoot those "infinite-loops" of ingrained habits!

In short, to reassess those strengths to get to those weaknesses, surrounding yourself with people who might just be representative of the change(s) desired - learning by osmosis at least. It can be said that technology (plain-old desktop internet access can do) provides a boost! And finally, being mindful of wisdom stemming from Buddhism!



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11 Mar 2018, 10:03 pm

I wouldn’t call it “restarting”. You can be the best possible version of yourself from now on, knowing that’ll still be utterly sh***y compared with what you could have been. Do it anyway, because, by definition, any other option is even worse—duh!


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JustFoundHere
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13 Mar 2018, 1:41 pm

On restarting, change, etc. - that is interrupting those "infinite-loops" of ingrained habits.

Some seek change, other have change thrust upon them! Even adversity can be that thrust.

Regardless, change can be cathartic - let it H-A-P-P-E-N!



goldfish21
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01 Jun 2018, 5:55 pm

Yes.

My entire life was f****d straight into the ground 6 years ago when I was 29 years old. I was $110K in debt, then bankrupt, and couldn't function highly enough to work. I lived in a construction site for 18 months & traded what labour I could for food and shelter. I was suicidally depressed and the whole 9.

Then I figured out what was causing everything and how to treat it via natural medicines, did it, and am now living a Second Life for having done so. I work, play, live, have fun, get laid, have money in the bank, drive a brand new car etc.

So, there you have it.. it's not only possible for people to do; I have done it.


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