Autistic teen refuses to do schoolwork over aide?

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Low IQ does not always mean ret*d, there is borderline intellectual functioning or slow learner if you want to call it that. Short term for it would be "slow."

Hi, Fitzi, It is possible that this girl's situation is similar to your son's. But over the years I have developed the impression that your son's situation is not a common one. I have known many people who begged for a 1:1 to help protect their kids and were not able to get one. Including for bullying.

I guess what I was trying to say is that this girl was given a 1:1 in middle school due to bullying in elementary school, which sounds like she may have responded to with aggressive behavior, then went through middle school (presumably 6, 7, and 9/10 grades with an aide. Then when the girl asked to have the aide removed before 11th grade, the school declined. I suspect that if 6-10 grades went on without a hitch--no bullying, no aggression, etc.--they would have entertained the request. Gladly.

Or maybe not.

We are carrying on this discussion as if the school had no reason to decline the request. We don't know that to be true.

But at this point the removal of the aide, in light of aggression/violence, is unlikely. And arguably justifiable, even though I understand that the school district's inaction may have brought things to this point. Every violent person probably has a story about what brought them to the point of violence.

If a kid in my kids' school had shown a history of violence and had been arrested due to violence at school, then had their 1:1 taken away, and then went on to harm one of my kids, there would be hell to pay.

I still believe the only chance this girl has of getting rid of her aide is to demonstrate, through her behaviors, that she can be trusted to behave appropriately. All she is doing right now is showing that she can't. She needs help understanding how she can do this. Continuing on her current path is never going to yield the results she wants. Regardless of whether or not someone else's actions/inactions set her on her current path.

Actually, I am realizing that a big reason they insisted my son have an aide is because I was pushing for approval of funding for another school, citing that he was not safe or receiving any social supports in the school he was in. So, it was way cheaper to give him an aide, but it was not appropriate for him. He was not violent. He was disruptive due to meltdowns, because he was in the wrong setting. But, the teachers did not think he needed an aide, they had an action plan around the meltdowns.

I feel bad for this girl, though, because I think that if I kept my son in that setting, he would have become violent. He was getting angrier and angrier, as he felt totally overwhelmed and powerless there. If he had stayed and had an aide, all of the same issues would still be there (too big, too much stimulation, too many kids in the class, social rejection), but he would now also have someone following him around that he did not want there. One reason I felt it was so urgent to move him is because I could see him becoming either violent or suicidal. I suspect this girl feels like she has been failed. I am guessing that the school did not make an action plan to help her become more independent and shed the para. There should have been a behavioral plan in place to help her manage her emotions, and build her self esteem, plus social support. I am guessing they just did the easiest thing, which was to have an adult follow her around so that they could put all the other issues out of their mind.

OP, maybe you could at least reconvene to come up with an action plan to help her gain independence. They need to continue to help her progress. They are required to give her support that will provide meaningful progress. The plan, with a timeline needs to be outlined in the IEP so that, if it's not working, they are accountable for providing more appropriate supports, which may mean a different school.

Initially, the girl did ask appropriately for the aide to be removed. No one listened to her. She already advocated for herself constructively. It got her nowhere. The OP said she doesn't want to fight for her daughter and has more important things to worry about. (I know having a family member with Alzheimer's is hard, is that a reason to give up parenting?). The OP told the school that her daughter was nagging her into removing the aide. The girl said she wanted some independence. The OP, the school, everyone ignored her. So this is how she reacted. I don't agree with it, but no one is listening to her with more acceptable methods. In the past 2 years she has done all her work and had no significant behavior problems. She already proved that she can progress without the aide.

A child under 18 cannot call in an IEP meeting for themselves. They must be invited to the meeting at 14 or when transition is being discussed, but they can't call in an IEP meeting for themselves. Their parents have to do that. This girl doesn't want to stand out. She doesn't want a babysitter. She doesn't want to be reminded she's "different". That's very understandable. But the OP has more important things to worry about then her daughter's education. The school is keeping the aide when she can clearly progress without one. The aide needs to be removed. Then get the girl into therapy. And the OP needs to learn how to communicate and relate with her daughter.

I live close to a bunch of elementary schools, (yay for living in a city) so I told my husband good thing we have all these schools around because if there is ever a violent kid around, I can just pull our son out and out in him another school and of course if that kid hurt my child, I would sue because they allowed that kid to attend there or because they didn't do anything to ensure other kids safety. Only way to keep me from suing is if it would cost more than the medical cost and if we didn't have a chance at winning or wasn't gaurenteed. Some attorneys don't charge you unless they know you can win this case and then you pay them part of the money that you get from the district. And my whole point in suing would be about my protest against violent kids and them being allowed to run wild and be around other kids and to teach schools a lesson about allowing violent kids around other kids and it would also be a message to other parents who have a violent child aqnd hoping to change the laws about violent kids to protect families from them.

That she has no t.v, internet or friends mean that she has nothing to escape her problems; no wonder she's so aggressive.

I don't think that having an aide means aggressive and self-injurious behaviors.
Often, younger kids get aides, because they have more behavior problems when young, but they can out grow the aide, at which point the aide should be removed and given to someone else who needs them more.
The parent said this girl had no behavioral problems before this aide situation blew up and is doing good academically.

I don't think low IQ necessarily means ret*d, as some people just can't do IQ tests, they don't have enough EF or attention or communication ability to do the test, so the test can't measure their intellectual ability.
This is if they can show their intellectual ability in other ways, not through IQ test, like if they can learn things taught to them or learn things on their own.
If they can't do IQ test and can't show intellectual ability in other ways, then they are most likely ret*d.
Even people who can learn things taught to them but can't pick up really easy things on their own are probably mildly ret*d overall or have some specific learning disability.

Yes, so they should investigate to find out WHY the aide was placed with her in the first place. Also, I am assuming that the aide was appointed, after an IEP meeting at which meeting the parents agreed to the placement of a shadow. Similarly, they can always call another IEP meeting, at which time the teenager can speak up and refuse the services of an aide or not sign the IEP.

If an advocate needs to be involved, because the school will not respect the student speaking / advocating for herself, then one should be involved. All I am saying is that there are options and I totally understand that it can be very annoying for a 16-yr-old to have someone follow her around ALL DAY LONG.

BUT, I must reiterate that - as annoying and as frustrating as this probably is for her - the teen's reactions by attacking the aide or otherwise indulging in certain behaviours will only give the school more ammunition to use against her.

So, my suggestion to Mom : Seek out an advocate, call an IEP, attend with your teen, and categorically refuse to sign the services page which specifies a school day shadow. If the district wouldn't budge, then take them to due process. In the meantime, keep your daughter home if she cannot control her aggression (however much she is being provoked), as even a reasonable mediator from Administrative Hearings will not find in the girl's favour, if the district produces a 20 page log of her alleged "disruptive" behaviours at the hearing. Your teenager's right to FAPE in an LRE should not impinge on the right of other teens in the class also to FAPE without fearing frequent outbursts from this girl and / or having to witness an aide being assaulted. So, yes, fight back, but take steps to ensure that the district does not have much ammunition to use against your daughter.

Imitation deficits are rampant in many individuals with autism. It is by imitation that many critical skills are learned by NTs. Secondly, if one is not " social" and not at all interested in observing and copying other people, and in addition has attention issues that further prevent them from learning new skills, then those autistics can appear "learning disabled", which may or may not be the actual case.

While I do think that some autistics do have true cognitive impairment, it is my opinion that some people are merely so severely impacted by the autism itself that they give the impression of being cognitively impaired, even when they are not.

I was listed as having a Cognitive Disorder NOS problem when I was a kid. According to the AS criteria, there is no cognitive issue but I was still handed that label. I didn't have dementia or Alzheimer's, I didn't have mental retardation, I didn't have amnesia, what else? I had no head trauma. I have no why I was given this NOS label for cognitive issues because it doesn't seem to fit when I looked it up online. I never had any blood clots or any head injuries, nothing. I think this was a fact that no one could figure out what I had then. I never had a stroke or any tumors. But I did have hearing loss as a baby so that messed me up so maybe that was why for the label.

Imitation may play a role, but I don't think it accounts for the severe deficits in learning of many autistic children. I find that some children can learn a concept if taught very explicitly, but still cannot generalize to new cases following the same concept. These are very basic concepts like a cup being the same cup if it is turned slightly, or like another cup also being a cup. There is very little or no learning to generalize over time. Sometimes, the children do imitate others and are not socially withdrawn and try to communicate spontaneously. In these cases, I think cognitive impairment is the most likely explanation, as there are large brain networks associated with intellectual functioning, and disruptions of those networks may be the cause of the impairments. Autistic children who don't have cognitive impairments can be equally low on imitation, social, and communication or more so, but they have no problems with basic concepts like the cup situation, and they can make generalizations and apply knowledge in real world, but still do poorly on IQ tests. They may appear mildly ret*d or learning disabled, without being cognitively impaired at all, but often their parents and teachers don't consider that and don't give them educational opportunities due to perceived retardation.

There was a time when I refused to do work at school too, I would never allow myself to be in a special ed class and the district would never pay to send me somewhere that actually could of helped me which my therapist and mom fought hard for but no avail. I will never forgive them for that, I didn't get any education at all and it's a joke they even gave me a diploma since I did like 1/20th the work of what a normal high school student would do to graduate. They sent a teacher to my house twice a week for an hour with some program for kids that like break their backs or have cancer.

I probably skipped 75% of the time my freshman and sophomore year of high school, it wasn't working out and the district had nothing for me. Absolutely nothing and this is the largest school district in the stated one of the bigger ones in the country, I guess ~10 years ago they just didn't have anything. It makes me sad thinking about how my life could of turned out different, I was lucky too since most people don't have a loving dedicated parent that will fight for them. When I didn't I was done with that school I was done, nothing was going to change how I felt about it but I had a personal beef with the school and the district tho. I wanted what I wanted and I saw not cooperating as my only leverage. I didn't care about the consequences, I do wish I did better in high school but I still feel wronged. It doesn't sound much better tho where you're at.

I would recommend removing the aide or just straight up changing schools if it possible.