Am I attractive? (Avatar is me).

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Even desperation has standards. You'll never see a woman using me for sex. And I'm assuming, for the sake of argument, that that phrase actually means something, because I don't know how she could use me for sex, since I'd be much more interested in having sex with her than she would be in having it with me. It'd seem a rather perverse use of language to say I'm being used if I'm getting what I want the most in life. I don't care how worthless it is to those who get it effortlessly all the time; to me, it's the absolutely most valuable thing in the world, precisely because it's unattainable.

I imagine after the sex you'll find its not all you hyped it up to be....especially if it was a woman from her point of view using you for sex because your desperate enough to allow it. It feels dirty when you come to find you've been having sex with someone who doesn't really care for anything but the sexual orifice on your body...at least in my opinion. Though maybe it is different if both parties know its just sex and nothing else initially.

What if a women acted like she was actually going to be with you, had sex with you maybe saw you a couple more times and out of the blue stopped talking to you? Also if you actually ever interacted with females or figure out what it is you think is so undesirable about you and make some improvements it might not be unattainable, so in part it seems you're stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy...doesn't mean you have to be. I mean unless its some kind of obvioius disfigurement not sure what it is you think people can see that makes them deem you unworthy of so much as even looking in their direction.

Maybe constantly repeating that stuff in your head or thinking about it, like that when your out and about effects your posture and body language in such away people feel its best to avoid you. Maybe you seem hard to approach.

Just not sure what you want people to say you constantly complain about not having sex or a relationship, but as far as I can tell you don't try anything people suggest you just tell them why you specifically are the lowest of the low and it wont work. I mean what is it a curse, like your cursed never to get laid and for everyone everywhere to immediately despise your mere existence? Because there is no scientific phenomenon I know of that ensures any of this. You should question your self loathing sometime.

To spiderpig:
I really dont believe you are as unattractive as you think(i have no idea what you look like tho), but even if you arent attractive its not gonna ruin your chances of relationship, since theres a lot people who arent attractive or rich who still find relationships.. I think its more your self hating attitude thats stopping you from it and also that you that it sound like your given up and dont even try even anymore.. Like i know saying "dont hate yourself blahblah" arent gonna change anything, but maybe try to not show it as much? because a guy who totally hate himself and constantly talk crap himself is kind of 'scaring'(not litterally scared, just lack of better words and my basic english) girls away

You've never been a female being called ugly and having it inferred any sort of intimate activities with you would be absolutely disgusting for any guy it was thrust upon as a teen as one of your first internet forum experiences when you just wanted a picture avatar like everyone else. Nor been told repeatedly by male peers in school how you're not attractive, and having students of both genders asking 'are you a boy or a girl' ect.

You think that makes it easy to find a willing partner, no makes you petrified to even look available because you're afraid of how gross you'll be to them...not an easy thing to deal with. But I suppose only males can be made to feel unworthy of sex or relationships according to some of you here.

THANK YOU SWEETLEAF
These are some things that annoy me about some of the male members here who act like every female is an attractive goddess who would never ever have any problems with relationships

edit because typos

My main concern with someone like that is that they'd start hating me to, or at least take it out on me. That was part of why I did not put more effort into keeping a past relationship that the guy actually broke off because he admitted he couldn't get some other girl out of his head and said it was better that way. But yeah I could have maybe tried convincing him to forget that other girl and stay with me but realistically his constant negativity about himself and occasional snapping was getting old so I just moved on. Thing is I really did like the guy he was attractive two even though he had a weird stance because he had a hip injury from a while back, couldn't see why he hated himself so much or was trying to push most everyone he knew that I had met out of his life...but what was I to do. Obviously being in a relationship didn't make him any happier than he was before.

Anyways point is for a lot of people self loathing is a good sign you're probably not very loving in a relationship either and will eventually start blaming a lot of their unhappiness on you. This doesn't mean you have to be some super happy person 24/7 and view yourself as some super confident flawless guy but if you're totally miserable and self loathing there is a good chance you wont have room to care about someone else on an intimate level.

Still much better than not even having that experience.



I still don't know what that means. Why would I not "allow" it if I'd want it much more than she could herself? Not allowing something is the business of those who don't want it, not of those who have spent the best part of their lives longing for it, have no realistic expectation ever to get it, and miraculously get a chance which, for all practical purposes, they can be certain won't repeat itself, because it was unlikely enough to happen once in the first place. It'd be like winning the lottery and intentionally burning all the money, hoping to win again.



I have a hard time imagining how that works. People seem to assume quite readily that someone like me, desperate for female contact, wants sex and nothing more, in a way that would be extremely degrading for the woman. I can accept that having sex with me would probably be degrading in and of itself, but the only way I could really not care about her is if I weren't on good terms with her, and, in this case, I wouldn't want to have sex with her, either.



Much better than never being wanted even for that.



Given the alternative to seeming hard to approach is being a creep, and I'm creepy enough as I am, it seems inadvisable to show the slightest interest beyond the strictly inevitable.

And I say this because it must be a ridiculous farce to pretend I'm not interested in getting to know most women around my age I see. It must be glaringly obvious to them there's nothing I could ever wish more, so it's no surprise that, no matter how much I try to conceal the sun with a finger, they're disgusted. Can't win---without the farce, it'd be only worse.



I'm not complaining and I don't think it's a curse. Noöne has to be interested in anyone in particular, let alone in someone with nothing to offer. I'm more interested in understanding how it all works than in anything else, because, realistically, the game has long been over for me.

Spiderpig, Spiderpig,
Does whatever a Spiderpig does,
Can he get a girlfriend?
No he can't, he's a pig,
Lookout, it's Spiderpig!



But seriously though, I dunno what to say to self-loathing. It's not the kind of thing that's easy to fix. One really has to be in that position to truly appreciate it. One of those repeating cycle things - keeps feeding itself.

Desperation is just another word for clingy, which is a word for one person being more romantic/more in love then the other. I like romantic women i.e. I like clingy women, i.e. I find what people would call desparation attractive. I'm not wanting to use another person for pleasure.

Unless one is really unattractive. I'm not attractive, doesn't mean I'd date women I find not attractive. Thos unattractive people either found someone who finds them attractive, or someone willing to fake loving a ugly person for their money, status, or some other benefit.

Besides the being a female I experience most of they I grew my hair too long apparently

No, but I have the experience to know what the bullies tell her is most likely complete BS. I've seen girls I liked a lot called ugly. I don't know what exactly you mean by "intimate activities". To me, anything sexual belonged in the unknown, far future, whenever I no longer needed my parents' permission, so I didn't think of it much, but simply kissing a girl on the cheek, let alone hugging her or holding her hand was intimate enough to be off-limits. I didn't know at that time if girls didn't like doing those things with someone like me, or it was just something forbidded by adults regardless of whether they'd like it or not. What I did know is that there were few girls I didn't wish to do it to, and, most of the time, it was because they'd been mean to me.

Therefore, I know it takes more than not being up to the physical standards of a top model for no boy to want any kind of intimacy with you. Of course, this may mean little to you if you want to attract a popular boy who is more into someone else or thinks it's more fun to take advantage of your insecurity to delight in your misery.

On the other hand, I'd have to admit that any bully telling me no girl would ever want anything to do with me was absolutely right. They might have been mean and said it to torment me, but they certainly wouldn't have deceived me.



It's still easy to find willing potential partners if they are the ones who approach you---they probably won't be up to your standards, but, if you weren't attractive enough for them, they wouldn't approach you.

I didn't say anything about feeling unworthy of sex or relationships; I was talking about evidence. Evidence makes it pretty clear that the average woman is naturally (i.e., without taking time- and energy-, if not money-consuming measures to improve your looks) much more attractive than the average man, and it isn't hard to understand why this should be expected from biology.

While we discuss how unattractive desperation is,
I think the OP has gone hunting with their newfound esteem!

Desperation is rarely attractive. Occasionally seeing someone's need to please you can be rather sweet, but aside from that I find the idea of taking an interest in vulnerable, desperate people who will cling to your every word or action rather creepy.

Desperation isn't attractive by any means, but, at the OP's age, I'd feel like I was in heaven if I'd had one day the chance to comfort a girl like her, letting her know she isn't unattractive at all and she really needs to worry less about being liked and instead invest her efforts on living an interesting life and working hard to have a bright future. If someone doesn't like her that way, it's their loss.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't really have been able to tell her this, as I didn't dare to take the time to think through what my life goals actually were till my mid twenties. But you really should do it in your teens and act consistently if you don't want to squander your life miserably.

Why does it matter what you look like on the outside? That's just superficial BS that means nothing overall. One of the many reasons I avoid people as much as possible none of them even attempt to stray from the herd and be different instead accepting how everyone else accepts life and fitting in. Silly.

Now if you share common interests or are as passionate about similar things then that's what really matters. Having a connection and being able to fully understand someone is what should really be the standard for finding a mate. It's hard for me to accept the fact that I'm human as every other human seems to not relate in the least to me.