31 year old burnout, very recently diagnosed with Aspergers

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Hello! I'm GreenAsparagus and I got diagnosed with Aspergers about two weeks ago. I've long suspected I was on the spectrum, true to the stereotype I've always liked trains. Still do. I've been doing a bit of reading on the topic and, while being mindful of the confirmation bias, there are a lot of stereotypes and symptoms that I recognize in myself.

I'm a guy, 31 years old. I used to work as a computer programmer but I quit in frustration after spending years in what I now know to be a bad working environment. I can safely say I was bullied into quitting, but my Aspergers may have also caused me to be less resilient to it than most. I think I have stuck around in that bad job for too long, and this may have done some semi-permanent damage.

I've been unemployed for nearly two years now. I've been attempting to get back to work, in cooperation with professionals who can guide me, but I've very quickly burnt out again. I'm on government benefits, which has been tremendously helpful, even though it's financially very tight. Now that I have been diagnosed, I am seeing some professionals who are familiar with helping people on the autism spectrum find suitable work.

I found this website through the lengthy interview with Steve Silbermann on his Neurotribes book.

I've "come out" as having Aspergers to some friends, but not all of them are taking it very well. I suspect they may be going through some bad times of their own, but I feel as if they're embracing my diagnosis as an excuse to push me away. They've listed off stereotypes (e.g. "too pushy") but refuse to give concrete examples of my behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. I can only communicate with these friends over chat, and I miss out on all sorts of nonverbal cues. I don't even know if I have someone's attention since there is no eye contact.

Since these very friends are intimately familiar with mental health related issues, I expected them to be more understanding. Luckily other friends are more accepting. Diagnosis or not, I am of course still the same person. I see it as a guide on how to move forward. But I'm going to be very careful with who I tell about it.

My hobbies are the English language (not my native tongue), reading (sci-fi and classic literature) and computer games (simulators, strategies, co-op shooters).

I hope to meet some people who've had a similar experience and who can share some experiences and advice. I'd also like to hear about things to read. I'm a big fan of podcasts, if you know any good podcasts about the autism spectrum, I'd love to hear about them.

Welcome to WP! Where are you from?

I'm from The Netherlands.

Hey GreenAsparagus welcome.

Cool. I have Dutch heritage and i would like to go there someday.

Hi GreenAsparagus, and welcome to you - (i like your choice of username/ avatar by the way - is that sort of a play on the word asperger's?)

I'm sorry to hear some of your friends are reacting in the way they are, since you came to admit to them of your diagnosis. That's not what real friends would do, real friends try to understand/ gain knowledge/ and support, they do not push you away/ or seize to be in/ remain contact with you. Value/ and stick to those who are understanding of your situation instead, don't waste time thinking about the other nobs.

I hope you will like it here, and find this site, and the people here supporting and as a motivational tool, even better if you'll find there are people you can relate to, as a reminder of you to not look down on yourself when challenging periods come, you have plenty of people in the same boat, paddling along with you

- Susanne

Welcome to the site - for myself, I'm ruthless about who I count as friends, and won't have anything to do with people who don't accept aspergers.

If you remove the final r from "Asperger" you get the Dutch word for asparagus. So that's really the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Aspergers.

I don't want to discount these friends just yet, they're the very people who got me to seek help with my burnout. They thought it was depression since that's something they have personal experience with. The symptoms are very similar to burnout. I think they've let me get away with all sorts of bad behaviour because they thought I was depressed, and hence potentially suicidal, and that any criticism may push me over the edge. So the moment it was clear it was not depression, they stopped holding back.

Saw my therapist today, treatment begins in about a month and a half. Some form of weekly classes on how to manage the problems caused by being on the spectrum, and later also mindfulness classes.

Asparagus!! I love that name. I have referred to it as Asparagus syndrome once or twice without thinking, just from being tired combined with the fact that I eat a lot of Asparagus. Haha.

I am 26 and hear some of my story in yours, the extreme burnout, bad employment causing damage, the unemployment etc. A bad working environment can really mess you up Recently diagnosed too. I could barely function normally for the last 2 years, had a hard time even talking to people. Sensory crap was on high alert the whole time. I was unable to do life really, much to the annoyance and unending frustration of everyone around me. It was like i regressed. Lately I've been getting back to being myself and I'm like 'where the hell did I GO for the last few years?' It doesn't take much to have me feeling burned out again though. It can be hard to bounce back from that degree of burnout. Despite being out of that job for two years I still get nerves in my stomach on some Sunday nights like I'm going back in on Monday. The anxiety will stay for a while too when it happens. I really think the whole situation did me some serious damage.

I hope it all works out with the employment agents (no idea what they are called) who specialise in ASD. That is great that it exists.

Is self employment an option in your industry?

As for advice, mostly just take care of yourself. This is very important! Try to avoid taking on too much, don't put yourself under pressure to live life like an NT would. Recovery from burnout takes time. Things go better for me when I stop putting myself under pressure to do life as I 'should' and instead take it one day at a time. Anyway I've babbled for long enough, I hope that was in some way helpful to know that someone else has experienced similar to you! Oh and welcome to WP!

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

I'm actually doing fine at the moment, but I know that it won't take much for the burnout symptoms to return. The moment a source of stress is reintroduced, I start losing sleep again.

It's financially very difficult, but I can still afford to eat healthy food. And I'm not bored at all, I keep myself busy.

Self-employment is something I've seriously considered, but the moment I do anything official (e.g. register as a company) I lose my unemployment benefits. If I have income from self-employment without registering as a company, I can get fined for fraud. So I must make sure business success is guaranteed before doing this. That's rather difficult.

I could relate. I am currently experiencing this in my college. You see, I have turned into a lazy hedonist because of burnout. I started out pretending to be an extrovert when I started studying in my school, and I've turned into a living caricature of an extrovert as a result. There's this group of people who only know me as a lazy hedonist who is good at sex jokes and pop cultural references and is bad at my studies. They get angry with me all the time because of how lazy and absent-minded I am and they hate that they have to remind me of things all the time. However, even considering my flaws, they are still unjustly mean because they are obsessed with them and they are keeping me in this cycle of negativity, because the more they say bad things about me, the more lazy I become because I have started to associate school with their negative words.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I figured I'd post a little update on how things are going.

Treatment has begun with what they call "psycho-education". It's best described like a class where we learn about ASD. We do some exercises on a website and then meet weekly and talk about it.

I'm not finding it particularly helpful yet, but I find the talk group fun to be with.

It's very interesting to learn about all the different ways that ASD affects us, and we share various coping methods.

In a month or so I will start mindfulness lessons to help me manage stress.

I'm still looking for a job, with the help of an agency that specialises in finding suitable jobs for people on the spectrum. There's seems to be no shortage of job openings that match my skills and experience, so I'm sure that I get to try something out soon. The real challenge will be to avoid burning out again.

If the treatment doesn't work, find another.

I've talked to multiple therapists. Some were a total waste of time. Some were excellent; they really gave me the tools I need to cope.

Hi GreenAsparagus! My name is Jay. We're practically twins. I'm 31 as well, and diagnosed rather late in life.

I'm also unemployed. Looking to get disability; not for Aspergers, for a rather debilitating illness.

I've often been described as 'aloof' by people; mainly because I act oddly, am quiet, and rarely make eye contact.

Currently, I take care of my mother, who also has a debilitating illness but luckily is able to work from home.

Anyway, what is your mother tongue? How did you come to learn English? Did you move to an English-speaking country?

Also, if you have kik and want to chat my name on there is ainotane

Hope you're having a great day!

Welcome man! If you are looking for a good book to read about mindfulness before your classes start, I would recommend "Wherever you go, there you are" by John Kabat Zinn. It is a great entry point to understanding the subject. All the best and Kind Regards