Don't you hate it when guys do this?

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

CryptoNerd
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2016
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
Location: The bash shell

07 Mar 2016, 11:22 am

I've seen it over and over. A guy sees a woman he finds attractive, and then he starts following her around, talking to her and cracking jokes, and doing unsolicited favors for her, and he won't leave her alone until she gives up and says she'll be his girlfriend. And the woman sees him as a friend who is being genuinely nice to her. Sometimes this tactic works, maybe because she's insecure and thinks she needs a boyfriend, or because she's just tired of him following her around. I really hate this type of behavior, when guys make friends with women just so they can get in their pants. Whatever happened to friendship for the sake of friendship?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Mar 2016, 11:27 am

I've had many women who were my friend just for the sake of friendship.

I used to sort of do that kind of thing when I was in my early 20's. I sensed that the ladies didn't like that sort of thing--so I stopped. I also looked desperate, which the ladies didn't like, either.

It's a manifestation of the (almost) ingrained need for the guy to be gallant to a woman.

Please don't hate the guys for that. It's just that they feel desirious for a relationship. When young people are desirious for anything, they tend to go overboard.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Mar 2016, 11:35 am

I feel like some must have somehow gotten it into their head that most relationships come out of 'friendships' like they figure they have to make platonic friends with a girl first before they could possibly date. So they may not intend to be doing what you describe because they aren't just after the sex...but still for the girl in question it can still seem that way. Other then that I think there is sometimes an entitlement factor that some guys will get...like fixate on a woman and then get it in their head that is their future girlfriend/wife and they think they can force it or something.

But yeah I have friends and acquaintances who are guys, and pretty sure none of them are into me, so I certainly don't go assuming a guy is trying to get in a girls pants just because he makes friends.


_________________
We won't go back.


CryptoNerd
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2016
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
Location: The bash shell

07 Mar 2016, 11:41 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've had many women who were my friend just for the sake of friendship.

I used to sort of do that kind of thing when I was in my early 20's. I sensed that the ladies didn't like that sort of thing--so I stopped. I also looked desperate, which the ladies didn't like, either.

It's a manifestation of the (almost) ingrained need for the guy to be gallant to a woman.

Please don't hate the guys for that. It's just that they feel desirious for a relationship. When young people are desirious for anything, they tend to go overboard.


I've seen older guys do it too though. And it's usually the social types who engage in this sort of behavior, not the beta males. It's the guys who have a lot of experience charming women into bed with them and aren't afraid to manipulate people.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Mar 2016, 11:49 am

When an older guy does it, it might have a manipulating element to it. When the guy's young, though, there's a strong naievete element.

Most of the time, "entitlement" doesn't play into it. Only in extreme examples, it seems to me. When that happens, it's no good at all.

I like to be gallant, personally. But I also like an equal, virtuous friendship with women, too.

The William Godwin/Mary Wollstonecraft relationship of the late 18th century is my ideal.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

07 Mar 2016, 1:14 pm

Oh come on! Seriously this must be trolling. This has only ever happened to one female friend of mine. The chap was a little odd. I wouldn't say that this is actually an issue outside of tropes on the internet.



Kitty4670
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,982
Location: California,USA

07 Mar 2016, 2:16 pm

The guy I have a crush on & I know he was interested in me, he didn't follow me around or talk to me a lot, but he did do small favor for me.

I made friends with a guy online, but I found out later, he wanted me for sex, I dumped our friendship. And I had another male friend online & he wanted to date me, I saw him only as a friend. Guys don't take hints, dating is mutual not one way.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Mar 2016, 2:25 pm

I used to do that kind of stuff when I was very young.

But I would say most guys, unlike me in the old days, have enough sense not to do this sort of thing.



Kitty4670
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,982
Location: California,USA

07 Mar 2016, 2:36 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I used to do that kind of stuff when I was very young.


But I would say most guys, unlike me in the old days, have enough sense not to do this sort of thing.


You did what? When a guy follows you around & more stuff, is that mean they coming on too strong or being too forward or something?

I think I found one of the good guys :D :P



Yigeren
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,606
Location: United States

07 Mar 2016, 2:43 pm

I don't think I've had too many male friends who weren't interested in being more than friends.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Mar 2016, 2:43 pm

No, Kitty. I didn't follow any girl around. I did favors for girls, though. I became like a "gofer" sometimes.

I was very naïve when I was young. That's why I could give advice to young guys today....because I was like that (or maybe worse) when I was young.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Mar 2016, 2:53 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Oh come on! Seriously this must be trolling. This has only ever happened to one female friend of mine. The chap was a little odd. I wouldn't say that this is actually an issue outside of tropes on the internet.


Is it an internet troupe that your one female friend had it happen?

I had a guy try something sort of like that with me and it was not a pleasant experience. I am not talking about a guy hanging out with a girl they think likes them back though...it was he decided because he liked me I was his girlfriend and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Lucky for me he let his true colors show early on because he seemed to take my slow texting and resistance to just agreeing to be his girlfriend without getting to know each other first as me being difficult and reacted likewise. So only had to spend the 5-10 minutes at the bus stop with him and suffer the following hour of nonstop texts.


_________________
We won't go back.


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Mar 2016, 2:56 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
No, Kitty. I didn't follow any girl around. I did favors for girls, though. I became like a "gofer" sometimes.

I was very naïve when I was young. That's why I could give advice to young guys today....because I was like that (or maybe worse) when I was young.


That sounds like being led on by girls, or at least doesn't sound malicious like a guy trying to befriend girls just to sleep with them.


_________________
We won't go back.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Mar 2016, 3:01 pm

I've never befriended a girl just to sleep with her.

When I became friends with a girl, though, sometimes I might start to like her "that way." Then the trouble would start. I would start not having my own mind. I would "yes" her to death. I used to run errands for a couple of them. After a while, though, it would wear on me...and I would move on.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,757

07 Mar 2016, 3:16 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
I've seen it over and over. A guy sees a woman he finds attractive, and then he starts following her around, talking to her and cracking jokes, and doing unsolicited favors for her
That's the downside to assuming the passive role in dating. Guys generally have to initiate, so girls will be encountered by guys they're not interested in. Just the way it is.

CryptoNerd wrote:
and he won't leave her alone until she gives up and says she'll be his girlfriend. And the woman sees him as a friend who is being genuinely nice to her. Sometimes this tactic works, maybe because she's insecure and thinks she needs a boyfriend, or because she's just tired of him following her around.
If she's requested that a guy leave her alone and he continues to bother her, depending on severity, she may be able to seek out harassment charges/talk to the regulators of whatever institution they're both in if he continues the behaviour. Or she could just organise a date with him and then stand him up (though that route may be accompanied by its own set of problems.

Seriously though, I doubt a girl would ever consider dating a guy she has absolutely zero interest in, for any reason. If she did, it'd probably be for like one date or something in exchange for him to stop pursuing her. A relationship would never be bred out of that. Like, if a guy is going to be that annoying before being your boyfriend, imagine how much that's going to escalate if he becomes your boyfriend! Logic 101!

It doesn't matter how many times you ask me to give you my wallet, I'm not giving you my wallet!

Except perhaps if you are wielding a sharp object.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

07 Mar 2016, 3:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've never befriended a girl just to sleep with her.

When I became friends with a girl, though, sometimes I might start to like her "that way." Then the trouble would start. I would start not having my own mind. I would "yes" her to death. I used to run errands for a couple of them. After a while, though, it would wear on me...and I would move on.



Yeah that all seems pretty normal, I figured the OP was mostly talking about when a guy befriends a girl specifically because of sexual interest rather then a guy developing feelings for a female friend.


_________________
We won't go back.