Women always play mind games with me?

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Sometimes, in fact more often than you might be inclined to think, what turns people off about you(sexually) has NOTHING to do with your behaviour! Whether or not someone finds you sexually attractive is ultimately beyond your control. And it makes no difference who or what you are or who/what they are: Gay/Straight/Bi/Male/Female/Cis/Trans. You seem to be suggesting that if he behaves like a gentleman that said woman will agree to go on a date with him and this is EXACTLY the kind of wrong headed Nice Guy™ behavior that leads to entitlement and butthurt rage.

I've been in similar situations to Mr OP years ago and I even had one woman tell me that I didn't do anything *wrong*, I simply misread her true intent. She was flirting with me but had no actual interest in dating me or sleeping with me.

I suspect that this is what's happening here: Women flirt with the OP, or perhaps he approaches them and initiates flirting, he thinks something is going to come of it but these women really are just having fun and don't take it seriously.

You'd be surprised how many millennial women don't mind profanity. The thing about sexually suggestive comments is that it really depends on WHO is making them towards her and how she feels about the guy making it. It is bad form to make them towards a female stranger(as in catcalling), but if you're engaged in flirting or schmoozing with a woman, particularly if she's intoxicated at a bar or a club, it can be a really big turn-on for a lot of women.

I'm sure that Neo is an okay person as much as I'm sure that every woman that has rejected him has a different reason for doing so!

Neo - just stay in the game and watch your manners ... and be patient!

You mean they don't play mind games? I know a few that completely thrive on such games, and could keep them up for a long time. I really enjoy it myself too, and it is by far the best part of getting to know somebody I have a crush on. It's not without a reason that roleplaying is connected with ND relationship preferences!

But as I wrote before, ND mind games are not based on conversations, and does not contain physical contact.

My brothers girlfriend and her friend went to nightclubs to see how much male attention they could get , meanwhile they had no intention of actually getting into a relationship with anyone in the club.
I don't think places like that are good for meeting women of quality.

I do not enjoy these games when it comes to getting to know people. If someone starts playing mindgames I start getting pissed off at them and either lash out or withdraw completely. I like getting to know people through direct, HONEST conversation.

The roleplaying is for when we already have gotten to know one another. I do like verbal games that involve snark, sarcasm, and being playful/cutesy/immature though.My first gf was ND and she did Not and I repeat Not play any mindgames at all even though she was not direct and did not show her feelings.

I *need* physical contact from the get go(along with plenty of stimulating conversation). Otherwise we might as well just be friends.

So just exactly what are the rules of these ND mindgames? I'm not into figuring this kind of s**t out because like many other Aspies I am often literal. But in a nutshell, I am not YOU Mr rdos.

I realized this post may have sounded bad. I didn't mean for it to sound like all NTs play mind games and all autistics don't play mind games. I just meant that it might not be as likely.

What bothers me the most is when a woman is obviously 100% interested in me sexually because she is giving me countless tells through body language and touching, then she will later on lie and say she was never into me as anything more than a friend.

Maybe all women do this when they are sexually attracted to a man and then later change their minds because there was something that he did or said that bothered them.

I just don't understand why women can't just be honest and say something like: "Yes, I was sexually attracted to you, but then you said this or you did this and I changed my mind." I don't think a woman has ever said anything like this in the history of mankind. This is what they usually say instead: "Oh you are a GREAT guy, BUT I actually just want to be friends". Yes, there are situations where the women actually do just want to be friends, but there are situations where they simply change their minds, but have too much pride to admit they used to have sexual attraction for a man that they no longer feel that way for.

Yes it's sort of pride, because you must have done something to turn them off, even though you didn't mean to or know what it might be, so in their minds it means they were so completely wrong about you and while they had been attracted to you, right now they feel like they shouldn't have been, so therefore they probably weren't really as turned on as they had previously thought. At least that's how my mind works.

Not that " I can't possibly make a mistake", more along the lines of "Oh no, I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who did xyz, I must have been mistaken". Also there is also the " I'm not attracted to YOU at all, I was attracted to who I THOUGHT you were before you did what you did, so therefore no I was not attracted to you".

I'd say it's half conscious reasoning at best. Im sure I've done similar and didn't think it out like that until I gave your post some more thought about why they would say that. Thinking about my situations in the past where similar has happened I basically thought that sort of thing. Mainly the last one. It's not on purpose at all.

If I were you I would look at everything you did each time and see if you can figure out what it was that turned them off. Sometimes a guy can make a particular noise or comment or something that just does it for some reasons. I was on a date with a guy I really liked, and had been out with a few times. We were getting along great and he actually blew in my ear and asked "Where have you been all my life?". I froze and had to figure out a sudden way out. I could not tell him what it actually was, and for some reason it was such a huge turn off and it was also mortifying to think about ever trying to tell him. Maybe its something like that. A move that you think is good but most don't..

Maybe you are coming on too strong. I don't know. You have to look at every situation in detail. Id disciss it with a female friend if possible.

As for the guy in my story, I told my friend who told her boyfriend who told another guy who was his friend who told him he had heard it through the grape vine. If worked out great though, because the ear blower started dating the sister of the friend who told him and he married her. Still married to this day. We are still friends. It's not weird now. I don't know if he stopped the ear blowing or not. I dated the friend who told him for a while and met my now husband a few months that after we broke up. He's still a friend of the family too. I'm one of those weird chicks who has the ability to stay absolutely just friends with many of their exes, and these guys know my husband and family. Those dating periods were just blips on barely out of teens radar.

Analyze everything and see what is causing it. It's got to be something and its obviously not on purpose and you can fix it when you find it.

You believe they were interested in you sexually because they were flirting with you a in a PHYSICAL way.....But then when they told you later on that you had gotten the wrong idea you assert that they changed their minds because of your actions. When it might very well be that they were just flirting with you in the first place, which sometimes does involve physical contact, but weren't seriously interested in you. This has happened to me at clubs when I was younger and in one case she gave me her phone number but it turned out to be a phoney phone #(called it and it wasn't her).

You need to keep your expectations low when interacting with female strangers and put the ball in their court once the interaction has been initiated. Once you make your move, it should be THEIR turn to make a move if they're really into you like that.

^ I agree with AR there.

Redpill, use reverse psychology, show that you don't care whether you will have sexual contact with them or not (and probably you really don't care much like me, so show this side).

It is the most effective way I have ever tried, for mutually-agreed casual encounters.

Of course, this is not something for a serious bonding though, the latter an alien area for me...

Just a thought, maybe because you are so handsome, women who are not your 'emotional' match will hit on you, you know those very attractive, who put a lot o make up and sexy clothes and at first they subconsciously expect you to be the kind of guy who they would be interested in? And they lose interests and feel disappointed?

Why don't you try to actually talk and get to know someone before you start flirting?

THIS!

This is my main problem and I'm assuming OP's as well.

I'm not model material like him, but I consider myself decent looking and am working to be fit, hygienic and attractive, and walk confidently.

The types I attract are the exact type you've described, who I refer to in short as 'divas'.

Here, they are usually attracted to 'bro' males, and I happen to look significantly like one. http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=uW4 ... wJNzijZgfM

I am one a little, but there's more to me than that and I'm nowhere near the stereotype.

Do you have any advice though on actually being able to get to know women without being pre-judged based on your looks?

Types I'm attracted to are usually the nerdy, geeky types, but since I look the way I do, they aren't usually interested in me. Even if they think I look nice, i'm assuming they assume I'm not their type.

A new style I'm considering is a 'rugged masculinity' look, such as this: http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=uW4 ... wJNzyjZgfM

It seems like you are a minority here too. I started to suspect that ND people typically want to get to know potential partners through observation rather than conversation, and it turns out that this is largely true (experimental item in Aspie Quiz, N > 1,000, p < .00001). Not only that, this is most common for male NDs (although almost as common in female NDs too). This makes a lot of sense regarding trouble approaching a potential partner too. The purpose of the approach block is to enforce that relationships will start with observation and not conversation.



Most people won't because they have been brought up that way. Typically, this is something that only happens in unusual settings.



It's a misunderstanding that just because Aspies tend to be literal, they won't play games in the relationship context. That reasoning is severely flawed because the literal "thing" is caused by repeated failures with NTs and their communication, while the ND relationship preferences are novel ND traits that have nothing to do with being literal or problems with NT communication or NT social traits.

I think you're confusing things here:


If I see someone I find attractive then yes, I observe her rather than approach her. HOWEVER, if I meet someone online or offline and I find that person attractive AND there is mutual attraction, then I prefer to chat with her. Usually when I meet someone online I txt back and forth for quite a while before meeting in person so I really know who I'm dealing with. The thing that I've discovered is that observations of people at a distance tend to be highly inaccurate. When I actually talk to someone they're nothing like they appeared to be. But once I've established a relationship, then the way I like to get to know her is by conversation.


I'm not clear about these games that you're speaking of because I see mindgames as manipulative behavior which makes me very aggressive and hostile.

Also, you and I live in 2 different countries where there are cultural differences: In American culture, women are brought up with the notion that it's ok for them to show their feelings. Men are brought up to suppress sadness and fear because these are seen as showing weakness(it's ok for women to show weakness but men gotta be strong).So women who do not show their feelings are very uncommon around these parts and if they're from here I'm gonna wager it's their personality not their upbringing. And IDK where you got the idea that (American)women weren't brought up to play mindgames! That s**t happens all the time because for whatever reason, women in my country think it's acceptable female behavior.

Good luck finding women in those groups...

OK, now that you mentioned the word "friendzone" it's clear what your problem is.....I see 2 scenarios unfolding that have the outcome that you complain about:


1) These women are flirting with you. Even if you make the first move and initiate it, they are flattered by the attention. Some women are not squeamish about groping or being touched/fondled by men they are flirting with...to a POINT. Because eventually they realize that you're anticipating they will actually have sexual intercourse with you and the are NOT interested in going that far. Some might even find you attractive physically, but clearly not enough to sleep with you or date you which is why they "friendzone" you.

2) You are deliberately trying to be a *pick-up artist* but clearly you're doing it wrong. Some might very well be attracted to you in return, and others might be the flirty type who are initially beguiled by your moves and good looks, but when they pick up on what you really want from them they are turned off because they do not want a hookup(or at least not with you). So they make excuses to be on their way.



Many women enjoy sexual attention from men they're not mutually attracted to from time to time but if and when the guy gets carried away and thinks he's gonna get laid with them they back out. When these gals said "I have to go" or "maybe next time" that's a polite way of setting boundaries. Honestly, if a hookup is what you want then try bars and dance clubs.....Or find online hookup dating sites.