Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread

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I've had serious self-control problems with alcohol in particular since I started drinking twelve years ago. However, the problems have been almost exclusively in social situations as I very rarely drink on my own. If I do, I am almost always responsible as I am happy enough in my own company most of the time.

It is very hard to spend time in bars if I am not drinking. I can't help but feel really uncomfortable and anxious, and unless I have access to another substance I will not have a good time. Being in my mid 20s where most social activities seem to be structured around bars and alcohol (especially in UK), my only solution right now is to hide myself away. Only when I seclude myself am I able to keep a lid on these problems.

People seem to think it's a case of 'just drink less' as if I'm not intelligent enough to perceive that drinking too much may be the problem. Alcohol impairs my ability to control myself and once I get that positive, sociable feeling from it, the game is up. I don't think a lot of people understand that when you never feel like that in a sober state, the feeling is addictive in its novelty. No amount of CBT is going to change that.

Ugh, had the compulsion to get shitfaced tonight because no one else is in the house.
So yeah, that doesn't seem to be going away.
Nowhere near dumb enough to actually do it, but I still don't like that compulsion coming back to haunt me out of left field like that. Ew.

Finding underlying causes and conditions some day is important.
Otherwise one switches to other things such as Gambling, other chemicals including food addiction.

It's sort of like switching deck chairs on the Titanic.

Uncover
Discover
Recover.

It's usually a cork screw or up and down rather than a strait line up.

There are acute and post acute(in old school terms) times that can be pink cloudish to raging Hulk.
In between can come sarcasm and rambling in speech and chat rooms

Last line was my attempt at humor. (Many days off with the get to be there for my F. I. L. attitude).

There is a counting App that some use to keep track of there minutes, days, weeks and years clean.

Well I didn't want to post here but...

Getting off weed in a few days, Sunday to be exact and it will be forever, staying completely high in the meantime. I don't like this thread cause I don't like AA or anything anti drug really but since you only quit once. I am curious at what point something becomes an addiction or "abusive". Shooting up everyday is obviously not a good idea and I know because I did it but was the substance bad or was the fact I was escaping reality bad? What am I doing? Why am I getting high? Does it treat anxiety or does it mask it? Furthermore, what if I stop and everything is worse. What if life sucks on drugs and life sucks even harder off drugs? Is drug use a "bad" thing... always... When does medical drugs stop being "good" and become "bad". This is not made easier with the fact that I would frankly pull the trigger on myself if I had the means. Should I stay high and work on that issue or risk killing myself when there is no reason to live? Are drugs a reason to live? What if drugs are actually a reason to live? What if the last bit of joy you have is escaping how horrible everything is? What if everyday is pain and you go to bed at night and there is more pain. What if your life just f*****g sucks? Then what do you do? I have been on drugs and I haven't accomplished a damn thing and when I was off drugs, I accomplished a lot in the death and destruction department.

Those options both look like s**t...

okay...

Honesty mode activated, if I am going to post the above, might as well, I am some what scared to get off drugs to be honest. I have been so depressed and suicidal that I am worried it'll send me over the edge. I have a system of misery that works and I don't know that it'll work sober. I cry everyday, I am terrified of people to be honest. I have never been able to function and I don't on drugs to be clear but I care less enough to function on a broken level high. If I am sober, people might expect more of me, I don't think I can deliver...

Drugs don't make me stupid, I am already stupid.

That yielded better results then I thought, it kind of occurred to me that I probably pissed some people off posting that high as kite. For the record I am not now but will be soon. You actually probably don't want to know what issues I have but God and me don't get along too great. I guess I feel I am not good enough since I have gotten some pretty clear messages that I am not well liked. I guess I just hope for the best. Also I don't know that I believe in God anyway in the traditional sense. Everyone just kind of modifies the idea of God to their liking and its pretty sickening. Your post makes sense I guess, I actually never really paid support much mind and now that I think about it, I don't even think I ever went to AA or NA sober.

Let me think some and I'll be back (sober sorry, it literally just slipped my mind last night).

Actually what would help me greatly (I am sober don't worry) since I have been asked what people online can do before is for someone to define a very clear line between wanting to stop but not being able to. I can stop with great ease but I don't want to and I feel conflicted about it use. At the very least socially. So yes I can stop and have done so but life usually does get worse but when I use its still bad. I have been using daily and things are horrible so I start thinking maybe I don't need to be high and then I am not high and things are... horrible. So I am dealing with emotional pain and stuff with drug use and I don't know that this is great combo plus I have isolation.

I cry sober and high... Life is empty sober and high...

I just don't know how to feel, I am setting a limit pass this year which has never been a problem, once the decision is I made, I can stop and have even thrown drugs away (which I'll probably do). I am going into this conflicted, I feel I'll probably have a bad time giving how depressed I have been and I feel I have nothing to fall back on.

Wow I see a pattern...

Anxiety / Low self esteem / PTSD / Life is horrible -> No hope -> Suicidal thoughts -> Drug use -> Getting by -> More suicidal thoughts -> Fear from said thoughts -> Sober -> Repeat

Its not a long term solution is it?

I feel HFAs are extremely susceptible to drug and alcohol abuse. I fell into that rut trying to be accepted by others. When I was in the midst of my addictive behavior; if someone had tried to tell me anything I would have told them to fxxx off and mind their own business. I guess the gist of what I'm saying is you have to reach that point by yourself and you have to decide if you do/do not want that type of life style.

I stopped using drugs about 2 1/2 years ago. I still drink, but I've cut that down a lot. I have one or two cans of beer at night to help me stay asleep. (Bipolar is a b***h and makes it hard to get more than 2 hours of sleep at night). With the beer I can get 4 to 6 hours of sleep. Without it, just two hours. I do take Gabapentin for sleep, and it does work, but it seems I always require a little help.

I'd like to start by congratulating those who have reached a sobriety milestone.
To dcj: I'm familiar with the "cry high or sober, feel empty high or sober" dynamic. What I discovered was that the damage done by drug/alcohol use heals slowly, so a long period of depressed/anxious/empty sobriety must be endured before the brain can get back to a state in which happiness (or even equanimity) is possible. That long period is obviously extremely difficult to endure, as the usual antidote to the depression is to jump off the wagon. It took me four serious tries to get sober. (I hit 20 years last December.)
It took 2 years to feel like a normal human (a level of emotional stability I had not known since before drinking). The first year got me 90% of the way there. The first six months of sobriety sucked - gray, depressing days without motivation or purpose. Of those, the first three months sucked the hardest - instability, depression, rage, etc. And of course the first couple of weeks were a living nightmare.
Obviously this is bad news - things will get worse before they get better. But it's the only chance to reach a better plateau, by first descending into darker places.
I suggest getting help. IT IS POSSIBLE.
I was an atheist when I quit, and had the same difficulty "surrendering" to a "higher power" that AA speaks of. But the truth is that AA/NA is full of good people and can work even if you don't fully buy into a religion. (Full disclosure, I didn't do the 12 steps, I mostly toughed it out on my own and rarely attended meetings. Friends of mine have successfully gotten and stayed sober with the AA program.)