do NT really expect us to have good social skills?

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sure it may get better and improve but they act like we have to be perfect.

i know some teachers are just trying to help but they kinda act all pushy about it.

i mean our social skills may get alot better but they wont ever be what you call NORMAL.


do you feel like this sometimes?

how was and are the social skills you have today and back then?

Why wouldn't they lol My social skills have greatly improve since my high school days but to tell you the truth I really don't find it too be as big of a deal as I use to anymore. It's either you like me or don't. The only time I actually care if it's I'm in a setting where it actually matters. Other than that I just do what I what I want. If I feel like trying i'll try if not then I don't and if you don't like it oh well. Funny thing is people seem to like me more than back then when I actually did care. They still think i'm an as*hole though but for some reason they think its funny and some like it for reasons I don't know lol

When I grew up, Asperger's wasn't a diagnosis. Nobody even picked up that I was autistic. They just thought I had Oppositional Defiant Disorder (which I did) but didn't tell that anything else was wrong. I didn't have very good social skills, I had social anxiety in some instances, was scared of rejections, but I was able to make a few friends most of the time. My parents tried to force me to have better social skills. Teachers didn't, though.

My social skills did get much better. I am married today, have a great career, can talk to people in most circumstances. I still can't read non-verbal cues, and I am sure that I am still at a disadvantage for that, but I have learned to manage pretty well.

It is strange to think that there is another level of communication taking place between NTs, and between NTs and me, that I am completely unaware of.

I grew up being taught social skills. I got training too in them and I had social needs my mom called it. Honestly I didn't know any different. But they did get better. When I was a kid, they were very poor. I didn't know how to approach other kids, I had behavior problems, I was always rejected, I was never good with social chit chat so I always found it boring. I preferred to play than stand around and chat. I don't think other kids had patience with me so they didn't want me around and I was always copying behaviors from others and copying theirs and I don't think they wanted me to copy their behaviors and then get caught when I do them because they knew when to stop and I didn't. I also used to hug and kiss people and I always stood close to others and I know I didn't pick up on any cues. Now they are much better today. I don't act the same way as I did when I was a kid. I don't stand right by someone or even go around hugging and trying to kissing others and I don't go copying behaviors and I have learned more cues and I don't act goofy anymore or do attention seeking behavior for attention and I try to not interrupt and I still have troubles with eye contact but I have no problems looking at people I feel comfortable with and who I know. I think I have social anxiety because it's hard for me to even approach people and to even talk to them and it was even hard finding a school for my son and phone calls are hard too and a pain to make. I keep thinking I will mess up socially and get people mad at me or annoyed like I always used to even when I would join in conversations and try and socialize only to be told to be quiet. I also used to be taken advantage of when I was a kid because I was so naive. Then I was always worried about kids trying to trick me and take advantage of me so at least it taught me. I wasn't so naive anymore and trusting because I always thought it might be a trick. I also don't go touching people or going through peoples things or taking things without asking.

Yes. When someone appears to be the slightest bit different, suddenly they are a monster.

As a child I didn't talk to anyone, really, and I hated being called on to speak in class. I hadn't realised at the time what a big deal this was to teachers, in particular.

Ready to ask about a diagnosis recently, I found some of my old school reports in a box. I'd never read these before or been told what they contained. It was genuinely quite shocking and hurtful to read some of the comments, and there was a lot of:

- 'is very distant from the rest of her peers'
- 'is quiet and works very independently'
- 'needs to get involved more, perhaps by helping with [social event] this year'
- 'needs to contribute more in lessons'
- 'is a very quiet member of the group'
- 'doesn't speak in class and would do better with her learning if she did'

There was certainly a lot of focus, in my school reports, on my need to be louder and to contribute more. The last sentence in my list is one that I particularly find interesting - the suggestion that I would learn better if I spoke, rather than just listening and thinking. That somehow taking on board the information that I was being given could not be achieved without speaking out in class. I'm still not entirely sure how that could be.

Yet, I guess there were quite a few of my peers getting reports home that says 'talks too much in class'. You have to be at a certain level, I guess.

Nowadays, whether or not I socialise is all on me. Nobody's officially 'grading' and assessing me on my ability to speak. I think it's less 'this person needs to be more social' and more 'this person isn't social, so they're not for me'. Internally they're grading me just like teachers clearly did, but the end result is that someone moves on and decides you're not the friend for them. Thankfully, we don't often get written reports as adults!

Well hopefully it's a good intention to push you in the right direction.
But it gets pretty trying sometimes and pushes my limits.
I am still very withdrawn. But less so. a little bit less leery of others around me.