False offers of friendship (and false friends)

Page 2 of 3 [ 31 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next


Have you ever recieved any false social cues?
Yes 45%  45%  [ 48 ]
Yes 45%  45%  [ 48 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I am uncertain 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
I am uncertain 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 106

BlackLiger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,525
Location: My Posh Leather Chair. England.

24 May 2005, 4:15 pm

why? don't we have a goldfish arsonist on these forums somewhere, looking for work ;)

Cheer up, parties arnt all they r cracked up to be anyway.


_________________
"Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?"


monastic
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 723
Location: Indiana

24 May 2005, 8:19 pm

BlackLiger, you are so right. I don't know why I'd want to be a part of something that would leave me in the huge state of overload anyway such as a party.

I don't think it's really because they had a party without me (usually that sort of thing leaves me with a sense of relief) I think it was more the deception - no one bothered to tell me. At the end of the day I inquired in passing about the cake to the birthday girl and she gave me this blank stare for just a moment and then said, "oh yeah, someone brought in a cake today.... but I don't think it was for my birthday, it was just sitting here in the breakroom when I got back from lunch" - Now I know the TRUTH!

NT's are lousy liars, too! :lol: I'm actually getting over it now. I don't usually stay upset long about such matters....it's happened way too many times and life is too short - my life is just as valuable as anyone's and it's their loss if they don't want to get to know me. (Jumping right into arrogant mode and skipping entirely over self-pity mode)



Sanityisoverrated
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,382

24 May 2005, 10:17 pm

Ooh, did someone mention goldfish arson? :D



ErikMouse
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 78
Location: Bangor, Pennsylvania

24 May 2005, 11:22 pm

Yupa wrote:
I can't recall ever having to have dealt with someone who professed to be my friend but really wasn't, but I have in my time recieved several false offers of friendship, which were immediately refuted based upon what I had observed of the character of the individual.
I am not very certain how likely you are to believe a false offer of friendship or social cue to be a true one, but be certain look out for various signs.
That is all I have to say, since I felt that this topic was needed.
Last semester I took a class on Social/Personal skills and this topic, surprisingly, is one thing that for some reason wasn't covered, although I would like to have heard some empirical and hypothetical examples of said phenomena.

(I'd just like to add that I edited this post about three times before I got the grammar and spelling right, and even then, there are likely a few errors, so please feel free to point them out.)


Well, I have had this happen to me more times than I can could.

Erik


_________________
Erik Mouse

"I'm very kind, and easy to please! I'll be your friend, if you give me some cheese!"


Sophist
Professor of Pedantry
Professor of Pedantry

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2005
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,379
Location: Louisville, KY

25 May 2005, 4:47 am

Yes, I had a girl in grade school who called me her friend but just kept me around so she could bully me.

Image I often psychologically kick myself for believing her for sooooo many years.


_________________
My Science blog, Science Over a Cuppa - http://insolemexumbra.wordpress.com/

My partner's autism science blog, Cortical Chauvinism - http://corticalchauvinism.wordpress.com/


Yupa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2005
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,583
Location: Florida

25 May 2005, 1:04 pm

Sanityisoverrated wrote:
Anyone want to be false friends with me? I'm not very good, but I'll try my best!


....but of course.



zof888
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

25 May 2005, 10:43 pm

Sophist wrote:
Yes, I had a girl in grade school who called me her friend but just kept me around so she could bully me.


Man that sounds like something out of peanuts, no offense of course if your name is charlie brown :D

I was just wondering if anyone else here has had problems endding abusive friendships(what i mean is one person in the friendship takes more from the friendship then they give back hence abusing the friendship)? I know i've always had problems with it and if it did end, it was because they wanted to just lose touch with me. When i think about it i dont think i've ever had a real friendship since i was like 8 years old, some people tried to be my friends but they usally lose intrest because of my secrecy of my life.



pyraxis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,527

26 May 2005, 2:12 am

zof888 wrote:
I was just wondering if anyone else here has had problems endding abusive friendships(what i mean is one person in the friendship takes more from the friendship then they give back hence abusing the friendship)?


Yeah I used to have that happen a lot when I was younger, before I got paranoid and decided no friendship was better than boredom and indifference. (I did figure out how to have real friends later.) "Friendships" tended to slip towards onesidedness because I rarely gave out any information about myself or tried to influence the other person to do what I wanted. So I'd end up being trailed around by people who thought I liked them, because my habit was to give the answers they wanted to hear. I'd end up doing my best to indirectly lose their friendship by never initiating contact. But years later a couple of them still occasionally try to get in touch with me because they never realized what I really thought of them, and I'm still not entirely sure what to do about it.



Freyawolf
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 28
Location: The forest

05 Jul 2005, 2:45 pm

I've been betrayed many times so now I trust almost nobody :D


_________________
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open


Mayall
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 17
Location: Sweden

09 Jul 2005, 4:50 pm

pizzaboss wrote:
Other times in my life people have pretended to be my friend, but really. When they tried to give him something to have the friendship or just use me for stuff.


happens to me alot to.

SpaceCase wrote:
I had a few friends who only talked bad about me and used me for thier own stupid pleasure.But I don't tal kto them anymore and I have real,true palz that I can talk to.


same here, therefor im kinda lonely, my social interactions are with my hubby and kids.

pizzaboss wrote:
Do not trust anyone, should be one of the golden rules.


started to feel just like that, til i realised that i only want aspies as friends, couse there like me, ..you know, i will never get used or burnd again :(

really got to go now, my wrist is killing me, see ya all.


_________________
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here..


MovieMogul
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 260
Location: In front of my monitor in Logan, Qld, Australia

12 Jul 2005, 7:34 am

Oh, this happened to me time and time again.

In a case of irony, a girl who 'befriended' me was quite abusive for well over a year, and I just didn't see it. For a couple years we were good friends, and went out a couple of times, but didn't work out. For some reason, I wasn't able to let the dating bit go (I always just wanted her to reconsider, but never mentioned it of course), and the abuse started.

When I heard she hated the way I looked at her, I realised that was the reason. I took a step back and looked at this relationship. The whole time, I saw her as an angel of good, could do no bad. Then this abuse sunk in. She was not perfect, and that took me out of this desire to date her again.

I figured I'll give her another shot, now that I'm in this new state of mind, and see if she lightens up.

This happened in 2000-2002, and we're now the best of friends.

This was a case of good friends gone sour, then back good again. Probably a one-of-a-kind.


_________________
My type of joke... 'Three guys walk into a bar. One of them is a wee bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitibility.'

http://actionman133.isa-geek.net:8080/


Kerrigan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jul 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 156
Location: Poland

12 Jul 2005, 3:42 pm

I once had a friend who had APD (anti-social personality disorder)
He was over-friendly in the beginning and gained my trust. I didnt have any other friends at that time either so we were "best friends". But at that time he started to use it. He had full control over me and made me do cruel things .
I managed to "escape" from him though, finally..

Most friends I had after this just used me when they were reeeeeaaally bored :roll:



SINsister
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2005
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,435
Location: Pandaria

12 Jul 2005, 4:10 pm

Freyawolf wrote:
I've been betrayed many times so now I trust almost nobody :D


Oh, how I hear ya, Freyawolf! I've realized over the years that most of the people I call "friends" really aren't my friends at all - they're merely acquaintances, who hang out with me and invite me to do things with them only when they're bored (or, g*d forbid, feel bad for having neglected me for weeks or months on end...). Otherwise, they ignore me. I have a bad habit of completely cutting people out of my life if they've betrayed my trust even once; needless to say, I've burned a *lot* of bridges. :(


P.S: Girls Under Glass does an arse-kicking cover of "Frozen"! :D


_________________
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

~Steve Jobs


Absolute_Zero
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Dec 2004
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 644
Location: New Brunswick, Canada

12 Jul 2005, 7:06 pm

My first generation of friends all turned on me. My fear of women my own age can be traced to the fact that alot of my 'girl-friends' ran off with the super king alpha jocks of the school who picked on me the most. Plus...the girls who were once my friends laughed and seemed to enjoy it when their 'hero's' spit on me and pushed me around. I am extremely careful of who I trust now. A supervisor at work told me "you don't seem to interract with anyone normally" and I said "I don't trust anyone for anything".
That was 4 years ago , I have since been more willing to joke around and stuff like that but I still make no effort to gain real friends at work. There's a couple people that I open up to a little bit and they have proved to be good people. Other than that, I am cold, emotionless and scary looking to most and they avoid or keep quiet around me.



LauraBell
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 8

14 Jul 2011, 6:23 pm

I'm 36 years old and not sure that I have ever REALLY had a friend. Sometimes people are friendly, sure, but when push comes to shove, they always let me down. I have come to the realization that my family is all I have. Work relationships are always awkward because people hang out in "clicks" and I never fit in. Having Aspergers, I am not really shocked by this, but it would be nice to connect with someone. Monday mornings are the most difficult, because that's when people talk about what they did over the weekend, together. It bothers me that I don't get invited, but if by some chance I did, I would be so uncomfortable that I wouldn't have any fun. I joined this website hoping to find someone to be friends with, a fellow Aspie that will understand.