Activism vs thinking you are the only one who counts

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I had a very stressful day today. I have always, thanks to this site, for the last 8 years since my son's diagnosis, advocated for the rights of autistics. I have made many enemies from all the autism parent's groups for speaking up for autistics, yet I always knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. In fact, although not diagnosed, I have stated many times that without a doubt I am autistic as well. You can search here for my reasons.

Anyway, the last few days have been draining as I am constantly defending autistics among the hundreds of parents in the tiny place where I live that hate autism, some have even said that autism should be shot, others have stated that you would never call someone cancerous so why call them autistic and yet, for my son, for myself and every other autistic, I have kept my cool, I have pushed forward, I have shared every single thing that autistics have to say.

But last night someone in Facebook posted something and I responded. I responded because I agreed with this person and I thought they would understand in my response, which sounded sarcastic to me, that indeed I agreed with them. Instead, this person who claimed to advocate for autistics put me down without thinking twice. Even then, I wrote them privately and excused myself, explained that I was FOR autistics, not EVER against autistics, that maybe they misread or maybe I didn't say it right, but to please read again and try to understand...that even though they put me down, I understood that the last few days have been stressful for many, including myself, but that she also had to understand that being on the spectrum myself and English not being my first language, maybe it came out wrong. Even with all of that, this person was INCREDIBLY cruel and a complete AHOLE to me. I could not believe it.

I have to say, while I may understand the frustration, because I too feel it, autistics are not more worthy of a free pass for being an ahole, especially when they speak to other autistics. It's one thing if someone is being an ahole to you and when you get angry, they still believe the same...but if someone apologizes and says it's a misunderstandings, autistics do NOT have the right to still be angry and be aholes.

I have to say that after a week of defending autistics, I am worn out. I am disgusted that someone who claims to advocate for autistics can be such an ahole to another autistic because THEY misunderstood, because THEY don't get sarcasm, because THEY KNOWING they don't get sarcasm, even with an explanation and a true intent to make amends, decided to be an AHOLE.

So please, do it for yourself, there are always two sides. Just because you are autistic doesn't give you a free pass. You can misunderstand or someone might misunderstand you, and you should BOTH be willing to clarify and give second chances...being autistic doesn't make you better and thus worthy of treating others, much less autistics, like they are worth nothing.

I am absolutely disgusted today. I have had NOTHING but hatred from neurotypicals and parents of autistics for defending autistics and attempting to give them a voice the last few days, but to have such BS from an actual autistic is beyond belief.

We can always discuss the hardship of having autistic traits, and non autistics can defend autistics.

Back on topic sometimes even if two people agree completly or mostly agree because of different communication styles and wording they may think they disagree. And plenty of people of all neurologies are as*holes.

It was irrelevant unpleasantness aimed at an OP who was already distressed. This is unacceptable and an apology would be appropriate.

@vermontsavant
I don't think you have done anything wrong, and its unlikely that B19's comment was intended for you. Since the post by Fnord that you quoted is no longer visible, I guess that the mod's have removed one or more posts, causing the thread to be a little bit confusing.

Thank you for being in there helping with Facebook and presenting people with accurate information. I kind of have heard bad things about Facebook, but you've got to be in there where the people are.

And yes, I've very much agree that when someone turns against you who you thought were on your side, it hurts more. I've had people turn against me at work, and it's all about their convenience and their rep, and at times their responding very badly to being even a little bit embarrassed.

I hope you are feeling better. The market on "assholery" is unfortunately not cornered by only neurotypicals. I have come across a couple of autistics who were just downright jerks. It's a personality thing, not a neurology thing at all.

Regarding parents hating autism, I have a child with moderate / severe autism. I don't "hate" autism, but I resent the challenges it has given my kid. I hate the fact that my child cannot yet speak because of their autism. I dislike the fact that their suffering is solely due to their disability. One can love their child and dislike their disability. If you are a parent to an autistic, I am sure that you can understand this, too.

What I believe is this - everyone has a cross to bear. Kindness and empathy goes a long way. Being compassionate is a gift you give other people, and a gift that will keep on giving. The person who talked so harshly to you - regardless of their neurology - was not compassionate. Please let it go and continue to focus on your advocacy. And unfriend this person on Facebook. You will be fine.

Unfortunately, people do have the right to be aholes. The thing is though, that others also have the right to lose respect for them because of it.

People are jerks. Autistic people can be jerks just like anyone else; they shouldn't get a free pass. Tell them off just like you would anyone else.