Akward or just Snobbish?

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I'm not good with people. If you've read any of my other posts, that's probably obvious by now. When I do make friends, I'm the most loyal friend you'll ever have. However, most people can't stand to be around me. I can think of plenty of understandable reasons why not, too. For the most part, I like the be left alone. When I do talk to people, though, I'm extremely opinionated. I won't pretend to like or approve of anything I really don't. I hold the things I'm interested in to really high standards, which tends to get on people's nerves because I'll say things like "Yeah, [movie/book/video game] was okay, but it could have been WAY better if they had just..." One of my old coworkers once told me to stop talking to him because "I'm sick of you hating everything I like." I'm blunt and honest, probably to a fault, which is why even though I'm an avid writer nobody ever asks me to critique their work, because if it's bad I'll come straight out and say it. I've always figured, if they don't want honesty then they're probably not worth being friends with anyway. I've always figured it's my asperger's making me see things differently than most people, and therefor unable to communicate on the same level, but... what if I'm just being a snob? Am I just socially awkward, or am I legitimately being a jerk? How do I tell the difference? More importantly, if I am being a snob, how do I stop?

I have the same problems. They were worse when I was younger because I had less of a filter. Now I just talk less. Much less.

I am a musician. So many people have given me stuff they like to listen to and want my opinion. I have refused to even take it.

I have learned that people just want to be supported and have their opinions affirmed. They don't like it when people disrupt the peace or point out where they are wrong. It drives me nuts because my first priority is not someone's feelings, but what is RIGHT. But most people don't want their views questioned. They don't want to get deeper into thinking about stuff. They want to accept things without nuance.

We who are on the spectrum see the fine details, so we see the nuances. We can't change that. We see how things could be made better, or defined better. We see where an argument goes slightly off-course. Etc. And no matter what, speaking up about what we see makes us look like a**holes (and, yes, I believe that it comes across that strong.) Even if people settle down, their feathers will initially be ruffled.

Lately, I have decided to use this question "Is it so important to say what is right here that I risk offending people and making myself look like an a**hole?" Before I say *anything* that involves my opinion or pointing out something another person said or did that was "off", I ask myself this question. Part of my answer includes an assessment of how I know the person, how much I think it might hurt the relationship, and how far the repercussions might go. If in doubt, I stay quiet.

It drives me nuts. And, frankly, sometimes I feel like it takes a physical toll on me because I have to keep the agitation about it hidden. But that is the only way I can "get along." It also doesn't help me make friends, only prevents making enemies. Because seeing these things only makes me roll my eyes about people and their stupid ideas, which makes me respect them less and want to be friends less. I *hate* that I do this, but it happens.

There is no such thing as "just be yourself." My mom told me this all my life when I complained about not having friends - "just be yourself." Hahaha. People don't want ME. They don't want my laser-beam thinking that's going to occasionally make mush out of some of the ideas they hold.

People do recognize that I am smart, and occasionally I will be asked for advice. Before I give it, I always ask if they want a full, honest assessment. And if they say "yes", I say straight-out that there are probably things I will say that they won't like. If they insist, I will go ahead and make the assessment and give the advice. Most people are OK with it at that point because I have given fair warning. And if they don't like it, they know it's their own fault for seeking it.

It is a rare, rare, rare person with whom I can "let down my hair" so to speak and let the words and opinions flow out of my mouth without censure. That person would be a TRUE friend, and it takes a long time (with some careful testing of the waters) to know if someone is going to be able to take ME.

Wolfmen can take anything

That's a very good question and one that I have been finding myself asking lately. It's definitely a careful balance that can only be fine tuned over time and never quite perfected... i think that the way to find out if people think you are a snob is to literally ask them.

People sometimes casually ask me what i think of them, or what i thought when i first met them, or if i think XYZ about them. I think it's a fairly normal subject matter to bring up l as long as you don't ask the same people more than once or get offended or question their response. You can elaborate a little by explaining that you know you are highly opinionated and not always super friendly, and you get the feeling that you offend people sometimes. I think this works best with people who are new friends or kind of acquaintances rather than people you've known a long time and are used to you.

Sometimes, even if the people do think those negative things about you, they can become more understanding and even help you out along the way once they know that you are aware of other people's feelings and concerned about being a bad person rather than just being a jerk on purpose. When people know your story, they can relate and be more accepting.

A snob is someone who thinks their tastes make them superior to those with different tastes. A lot of people think games or books could have been better but are selective about what they say to avoid offending people and starting arguments.

Here's another example I've noticed. Lately, one of my Facebook friends has been posting some feminism memes that, in my opinion, do more to villainize the male gender than empower the female one. Today's meme went along the lines of "Serial killers come after women, but men only have to worry about women laughing at them." I took that to mean that men should be ashamed of ourselves because, like, 0.00001% of us are serial killers, and that we're being silly and petty for not wanting people to laugh at us. Naturally, I didn't appreciate that, and I commented to point that out. They argued back that women are raped, beaten, given bad jobs, etc, etc, blah blah blah, and I'm a bad person if I don't join their pity party. I don't agree with them, and I don't honestly expect to change their opinions by arguing about it, but it made me wonder: am I being a snobbish jerk by arguing with them like that?

Not a snobbish jerk.

Some people just can't tolerate those who disagree. I had a friend on FB who posted some stuff recently about a famous person who was charged with dog fighting in years past. I had no knowledge about the situation, nor do I know much about dog fighting, so I didn't comment at all. I just watched what happened. It was amazing to me how much vitriol was spewed at her for posting such things. She is someone with relatively leftist and feminist views which a lot of people agree with, but once she said something "disagreeable", everyone's claws and fangs came out. She didn't do anything but dare post her opinions and feelings about a subject dear to her heart. I don't agree with all her politics or religious views, but I wouldn't call her a snob AT ALL.

So, it is not snobbish behavior that necessarily gets one attacked. Just sharing an unpopular or controversial opinion is enough, even if it is said in a non-confrontational manner.

Adam sounds like someone I know . He's not on the spectrum but will express strong opinions and never accept something without verifying facts. It's my nephew who happens to be named Adam.