Why is Autism the only excuse for bad behavior?

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Now before anyone jumps down my throat plz listen, I've seen all types of behaviors including bipolar ADHD and all the names you'd like to justify but never did I see such a regressive community saying normal people or typical ones should just bow down to us and accept everything we do and if they don't they're not understanding and intolerant.. And I certainly never heard of any community referring to themselves as neurodiversity.

Sure there are some people who can't help themselves, but is it ok to have a mental meltdown in public just b/c you so happen to have to diagnoses?

I agree, the autism community does often overdo it with the whole autism acceptance thing. That's not to say that autism acceptance isn't important, it's just that it is pushed a bit far sometimes.

It's not a matter of it being "ok." I think it's our responsibility to try our best to overcome our problems, and to not cause problems for other people. But there are a lot of things that can't be prevented, even with hard work. Not everyone is able to keep from having meltdowns. I'm not sure there is a way to determine which people are taking advantage of a diagnosis, and which are simply unable to overcome certain things.

I've tried really hard all of my life to make things better. I always wanted to give up, but I keep trying even though I fail. I never knew what was wrong, so I wasn't able to fix my problems. Maybe now with a diagnosis I can. I will try, but it takes a lot of effort.

I think that I shouldn't be judged by "normal" people as being lazy, immature, impulsive, undisciplined, weird, crazy, etc just because I'm different. That's what I expect from them. It's never going to happen, though.

I don't agree with people thinking that everyone should adapt to them, and that everything they do should be accepted as ok just because they are autistic. But those who are really trying deserve some compassion and understanding.

I have had a mental breakdown in public a few times, but I didn't cause anyone any harm. And no, I couldn't help it. I got overwhelmed a few times and started sobbing uncontrollably. I think I do a pretty good job of controlling myself. I have a really awful temper and I've kept it (mostly) under control for years, even when provoked.

Autism is probably the main condition used as an excuse for bad behaviour due to public awareness of the condition rising in recent years. I can think of others, though. Being drunk is sometimes used as an excuse for bad behaviour. So is gender, in terms of 'boys will be boys'.

You're probably right about autistics being the main ones pushing neurodiversity, although I think that I've seen it been used in the context of bipolar, ADHD, and maybe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I'm fairly sure the last one is where Spoon Theory came from. I spend a lot of time looking at autism stuff, so I'm going to get a skewed perspective on the whole question of autism-as-an-excuse and its relationship to the neurodiversity movement.

Having a mental meltdown in public is not okay, in the same way breaking a leg in public is not okay. Nobody wants it to happen, but when it does you need a swift response that fixes the situation without shaming anyone.

Whether I'm willing to allow others to use autism to be obnoxious depends on if I like or want something from them. I'd use it on a particularly tough day. I've had to tolerate irritating NTs all my life - surely it's not too much to ask for them to ignore a little rudeness.

Most are not asking for people to bow down to us. What is wanted is the give and take expected in human interactions, not the way it is IRL now mostly it is only autistics expected to give which hurts our ability to be functional members of society which hurts society at large and us in particular.

I assume that you've never heard of "Pre-Menstrual Syndrome".

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." -- Roseanne Barr

I once read a critical disability article (written by a man) about menstruation and passing. It was about how all women are assumed to menstruate but no one knows when, or what behaviors are associated with it. And that women are taught to be ashamed of it and men are taught to be disgusted.

I would actually say that Fnord's comparison is pretty close.

Reminds me of Gee Oficer Krumke

West Side Story

That, in itself, is a loaded question.

Is it ok? What is ok? 'OK' can be very subjective.

Is it understandable? Yes, no equivocation on that definition.

Is there a reason? Yes, and it will vary person to person. Some are overwhelmed to the point of nothing making sense. Some are just bad tempered/angry louts. There are many reasons.

So, if a person is really incapacitated and cannot control themselves, it is 'ok' by the definition of not doing it on purpose.

If a person is just a bad tempered lout, then it is not ok by any measure.

Is it 'ok' by the vantage point of the people subjected to it? No. They did not ask for it. And, many times, they are not the cause.

With all that rambling about, I do not think that a lot of Autistic people, especially high functioning, older adults would want to hide behind the excuse. I know I'm not going around announcing it.

Most of us that are in our 40s and 50s have a different set of life views due to the times we were brought up. Not better, or worse, just different. People have touched on how high functioning people were dealt with. Physical punishment, constant haranguing, belittlement and basically forced to 'adapt' (for lack of a better word because most of us were not adapting, just faking it the best we could.) and mimic things we did not understand.

There are vocal people who, in any demographic, will try to make the world bend to their will without realizing the harm it does to others. But, that always seems to be the extreme views and not the majority of the people involved. Unfortunately, they are the ones making the most noise, ergo the most 'heard'.

I know, for myself and few that I have spoken to in PMs or emails, that there seems to be an overwhelming desire to finally makes sense of their lives and actually make progress.

A little bending on both sides can make a world of difference as long as it's not drowned out by the extreme rhetoric or malformed ideas put forth by 'experts' or 'self appointed advocates'. Especially if they are not part of that community.

Thank you. That's the comparison I was trying to make.

Basically this. Autism is not an excuse to behave badly on purpose. But if we are stressed to the breaking point, and cannot hold ourselves together... We can't choose not to be autistic, we can only apologize, and help people to understand why we have this problem, and that we're not doing it on purpose.


Exactly. If anything, people on this forum are more polite than usual, always striving to do better, whereas other forums tend to be overrun with rudeness and bad behavior.

It's more that it is more 'known' and people don't want to say it's just there kids faults and not admit they're doing something wrong when they're not, and also people are just ignorant. Not to mention they hate saying they're wrong.

So let me get this straight. It's okay to hurt someone's feelings so much that they can't hold it together and have to have a meltdown? But it's not okay to express your feelings because it causes at most a minor inconvenience for other people?

How do you derive that?

Neurodiversity movement or not, if your public meltdowns involve property damage and personal injury to others, you are just begging to be shot by some cop. So in that regard, you'd best learn to "pass" by just crying in public, or else don't go out in public at all.

I'm sorry to say I have known parents of autistic children who began physically attacking their family members as they got into late adolescence. Those kids had to go live in special housing because nobody should suffer violence for their sake. I do think there are some people who post here who are tolerating physical abuse against themselves and making too many allowances for an autistic family member.

^^^^^Honestly, I've been sop focused on how I relate to things, I had not considered this.