I noticed that every 3 to 5 days on average, I experience what seems to be a cycle. I will be a little edgy/paranoid on a daily basis, but I'm still able to function. If nothing really pisses me off to high hell, I will move onto the next couple of days on a plateau of pretty positive vibes and I will feel "manic" or "happy" for a while. It is always when I'm feeling at my best when I start to indulge in my interests most. I noticed though that since I'm OCD, I never seem to be satisfied with how much time goes into my interests. I will notice right away if someone is nagging me or distracting me from my interests and I get frustrated. I'm able to hold the anger back for a while, but if someone just won't leave me alone so I can enjoy my own personal time, I will snap and fly into a rage. I will also fly into a rage the following day and verbally assault people who look annoying to me in public. I usually target people who giggle or laugh a lot, especially when I'm nearby and they have noticed me with eye contact. I will become increasingly angry and paranoid until I basically have a full-blown meltdown in public, which ends in me drowning my sorrows on cheap beer and harassing people in an even more aggressive manner.
The fact that I'm always wanting to be alone and enjoy the things I'm interested in alone sounds very much like Asperger's or some sort of anti-social personality disorder. This cycle of emotions sounds a lot like I'm Bipolar, but I was never diagnosed for any of these. I just have a really strong feeling that I have at least a handful of mental issues that were never closely looked at.
10 Apr 2016, 11:08 pm
