describe a meltdown in you're own words.

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I just shutdown and feel exhausted and drained. Don't want to talk, don't want to do anything but try and relax and shut out the sensory issues. It's nice to just put some quiet music on, lay down in bed, close my eyes, wrap myself up in blankets and rest until my energy returns.

I almost never outwardly show my emotions and my voice is relatively monotone and I'm always calm, but, often for a time, about 30 mins, I will descend into a 'madness'. More often than not I would describe them as panic attacks without any capability of reasoning until it passes. These usually happen at work but also in large crowds.
I have shutdowns too, the most common way for me to deal with difficult interpersonal issues, like conflict for example. I feel like I lack the ability to get angry until the meltdown happens. Mine are generally set off by changes in my daily routine by the company I work for or similar. Usually it's a build up of tge little pressures and peeves. I've been described as the guy with the 'switch'. Preceeded by rocking, lights feel brighter and my thoughts swirl in my head. There is no rationality, no language. I almost never cry for anything but I do during these. I have hurt people in the past and have been known to bang my head, which obviously freaks people out a bit. Suddenly, it's over and then I get headaches, tiredness, guilt, shame etc. Not to mention the bruises sustained in random places. In saying all of this, after the meltown I actually feel better for a time. I guess it's analogous to pressure release. I had one yesterday, in public, in front of people I'd just met at a party. Oddly enough, two were mental health professionals and one was a nurse. They just held me down and carried on their conversation haha. Sensory overload. I didn't like going out before because of this.....

i hope it works, because that is what i do. mum (icelandic group) and pink floyd are my drugs of choice. warm embrace.

Wow! I´ve been wondering about my bouts of depressions.
In my shutdowns, I simply go blank - space out. Everyone can space out now and then, but I tend to do it, when there´s more information coming at me, than I have time to sort in little neat boxes.
In malls, I sometimes lose my sense of body and it seems to me, that shops are defiling past me and not the opposite - and far, far away, beneath me, I can sense two feet walking and walking. Actually rather pleasant.

I used to have mixed meldowns until my teenage years. I was able to prevent doing some in public by remembering that "when I have the rock in the throat", it was time to bid adieu to the company and hit a "soundproofed" location (As I found out after being exposed, bathrooms are NOT a soundproofed location). There I would cry and scream, and punch the walls in blind rage, looking very much like a wounded animal. If I could not get to a secure location, I would stop talking or only in monosyllabics. Of course, as an adult, I realised most people were frightened by these episodes; I already was shameful, but they furthermore told me that they did not believe me, that I was only being an attention wh...e.

I do not know if that can help you, but meltdowns seem to decrease with age; it is a long process, but I have identified a few things that helped me.
First, when I moved out of my mother's place, I decided that I would take care (boy, was I stupid) of those meltdowns. I went down the psychiatry road, but it did not help - but it just means it did not work for me, not that it would not work for you. I just let loose at home exclusively. I was lucky my neighbours did not have me expelled. I did everything I wish I had done, under one condition: I tried to (trying being the operative word) limit my meltdowns at home and I tried to limit myself to things less harmful to me (I threw the crockery at the walls, not myself, as I used to; I also have an impressive number of cushions, to punch, throw and tear through). What I mean by that is I did not find the trigger, but the moment just before it goes south and sour. I know not everyone can rush out of their jobs or their houses, but I think it is useful to have a "safe place" to just let go. The subway at 1 am is also great but riskier^^ For instance, one of my warning signs is that I begin not to hear the other persons and I feel really irritated. It is useful to check yourself regularly when in a stressful environment.

Also, it is very useful to -tadam- work on the broader picture - to accept yourself, to like yourself -not moronically, but for things you have done, that are objectively identifiable- and to be way more indulgent with you; if you are less stressed, you will be able, if not to have less meltdowns, but to see them coming: If they are many ships at sea, how can you see the black flag ? I keep repeating myself that most people DO not care about me, and in a good way: they have other fish to fry. It is not always true but it enables me to walk down the street without leaving a trail of anxiety sweat.

I am sorry if my message is a bit long and a bit captain-obviousic, I tried to remember everything that helped me.

Last edited by LaMereLoi on 25 Apr 2016, 3:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

My meltdowns involve screaming, biting myself, headbutting walls, throwing things, smashing things, scratching myself until I bleed, and losing part of my vision.

I often break things during meltdowns. I get superhuman strength during them and need a few people to restrain me so that I don't injure myself badly.

I have been sectioned by the police many times for public meltdowns and when my meltdowns come in series, I end up in a secure unit.

I haven't been in the secure unit for a while now though, which is good.

For me the meltdowns I have had usually had (I have been getting better at controlling stress so I don't have them very often anymore) me on the ground, crying, upset, very loud, not hitting anybody except maybe myself though it often feels like my body parts like my arms move by themselves during meltdowns, and I usually have trouble thinking clearly during them of course. Unfortunately, my response usually isn't to take a break, but to keep trying to work on the thing that caused it even though I couldn't really do anything in way of progress.

now that is terrifying.

i hope it returns quickly.